Big family - should I have more kids??

[Relizeliz]

Name changed for this.

I have four sons - aged 9 - 3. I really want another baby, we can afford one and I think we have the resource/time - but is it to many to have 5?

I just don't know if there are limitations - we live in a 5 bed house so long term potentially would have to add a room because I know no one would want to share/are use to there own rooms.

Additionally I just think will a 30 year old and 20 year old have a good relationship and does anyone have any experience of there older kids being resistant to a new baby? He was happy at DC4, but he's older now....

Any thoughts?

Are you my husband in disguise?! He would love another, and we have four boys too!

Seriously though, it's hard to make that decision but from reading through your thread you sound very organised and prepared for your family to expand if you want to!

Britain produces 1% of the world's CO2 emissions, and China produces 30% of them. If our entire economy shut down tomorrow (we stopped using any fuel at all), China increases its emissions enough that in 18 months time it would have filled in for the absence of the UK.

Whinging at people who want another baby does sod all for the environment.

What on earth is wrong with the term 'breeding'? Would you prefer 'procreating'? It is an entirely correct term for the process of women and men producing offspring!

From a funding perspective we save for our current kids so they will all have (current money) £25k at age 18. I cant predict the cost of University in 9 or 19 years but I would hope this would see them through.

Unlikely. Plus you'd need to factor in inflation.
This is unlikely even to cover the cost of uni let alone be anything towards a house deposit, etc. Then weddings, GC etc. Plus who knows what will be going on with the economy - unlikely to be good with no deal brexit - so you'd need to be prepared for many/all of them to be still living with you well into their 20s. How long would you need to work before you can retire, to fund all that, on top of normal family costs, for another 20+ years?!

If you're considering adoption, why not UK based rather than international. There are lots of kids here needing a home too of course.

Are you serious? Climate change.

@NChangingAgain When I said 'current money' I meant at this second or the equivalent in light of inflation.

I was given no house deposit money and is not a pre-requisite to being a parent to give your kids one. That being said my husband and I are surgeons are mortgage free and have good pensions.

OP everything else aside, how do you think it would affect your children? Honestly?

OP I would focus on the posters who were raised in a big family as they are the only ones who can give you honest experience as a child in a large family. Other than one poster it is a resounding don’t do it. I am from a large family. 5 is too many and it has nothing to do with the gap or the bedroom space.

I have multiple siblings, it was rubbish growing up, we had space and money, ponies and dogs etc. but no time with our parents.

I think it is impossible to have one on one with that many kids. I have 3 (big age gap between eldest and youngest ) I feel stretched dealing with that many, and was an at home mom for many years.

I would not do international adoption with four children at home personally. I say this as an adoptive mom through international adoption. Children who have been through trauma require a ton of dedication. There can be massive sleep regression, violence, suicidal tendencies. You need to be prepared to commit a ton of time and energy to helping your child beyond what would be fair to your other four children in my opinion. Are you prepared to have a child with complex special needs?

@Relizeliz Of course a house deposit is not a prerequisite to being a parent...!

However many parents want to try and do this for their kids, especially with regard to how things are/are likely to be for the next generation.

Why are you not happy with 4?

Looking way down the line , will you have time and resources for 5 families? How many grandchildren will that be ? Can you stretch that fine ? DH and I have quite a number of adult DC and a growing number of DGC .... time is a juggling act , with friends hugely cut back . If you’re been blessed with healthy DC , quit while your ahead ! Enjoy who’s here already ☺️👌x

Five is too many. You may be able to financially afford it but the planet can't

This.

I think five would be brilliant, OP. If my XH had been agreeable, I'd have had many more than two (though couldn't afford the school fees). If you can afford a fifth and can look after them, go for it.

My DH is one of six, btw, and my mum is the youngest of five. Both loved being part of big families.

This is not your question OP but if you are seriously considering adoption, would you be adopting a black African child? Are either of you from the same ethnicity or heritage? If not, who would you be getting your reference of help and advice from when the child experiences micro aggressions and racism (which it will at some point in its life)? How will it be for the child to perhaps be growing up with white (?) elder siblings and to be the one and only non white one? Will you leave the child it's name of heritage or be planning on changing it? What about it's mother tongue/ the language of his/her heritage, e.g. Swahili? There are sooooo many points to ponder and research.

All the best

@Milk What a disgusting thing to say about other countries. You definitely sound 'unenlightened' yourself
Although congratulations, you've succeeded in being racist, xenophobic and classist all in a couple of comments
Absolutey vile.

Also yeah, 5 is too many. And you are deeply deeply unreasonable for thinking the climate crisis is scaremongering.

Hope that helps

whatwouldbigfatfannydo - maybe but it is the truth!

No due to the climate

And I didn't even mention climate crisis!

Over-population really isn’t caused by families in the UK having a third child.

With what we now know of climate change, I would stick to 2.

escapade 7 billion on the planet and counting, seriously each and every one of us is contributing to this and to blithely say you'll have 5 of them without any thought to the future is irresponsible in the least

I would be worried about spreading my attention too thinly across 4 children, let alone 5. And managing the 'family admin' for them all... I feel like it'd be too much. It's stressful enough with 2!

If you have plenty of time for them all and feel you can handle everything without anyone losing out then you should go ahead!