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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Asked to keep toddler quiet

484 replies

Jellytots321 · 25/08/2019 09:04

So I recently stayed in a holiday cottage attached to some other holiday cottages.

Unfortunaly the first morning we were there my toddler started to cut a tooth. He was crying on and off for about 30 minutes from about 7. We then left to go out for the day at 8am. Whilst on the way to our car I was approached by the owner and asked to keep the noise down. I explained the situation and she replied that I shouldn't have booked it I knew he would make noise (he was included on the booking and the site says children welcome). I left a bad review saying not to book if you have babies or toddlers as they will be expected not to cry. They replied with a smug reply saying thank you for responding to our request as there was no more disturbance for the rest of the trip (yeah his tooth came through so he stopped crying!). I apologised in my review for disturbance to other guests and suggested that instead of telling us to keep him quiet they could have asked if we needed any help. Someone else reviewed the day after saying that children are welcome you just need to be respectful of other guests. I was being respectful hence leaving at 8am and not 11am like planned. Aibu for leaving that review or feeling like I should be expected to magically stop a 1 year old from crying? I would understand if it was adults making noise but I was doing everything I could to comfort him!

OP posts:
TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup · 25/08/2019 11:15

Also, taking a crying child outside would be worse as the noise would then carry further and disturb even more people. So that's a daft suggestion. Crying in a restaurant or other indoor public place, take them outside. Otherwise contain it in your own house.

Itsacrazyworld · 25/08/2019 11:17

@pinkyredrose absolutely not!!! The cottage was child friendly...you can’t stop a toddler from crying. You are such a selfish human being but then again you don’t have kids do how would you know?!

JinglingHellsBells · 25/08/2019 11:18

There are some idiotic posters here.

Look, even if you stay in a £500 a night swanky hotel, you can be woken by late night guests coming in and banging their door.

Or having sex.

Or watching TV late into the night.

Or arguing. Or even laughing.

Hotels often do not have soundproofed walls.

Likewise, if you choose to stay in a cottage that is not remote, you may be disturbed by all of the above or EVEN a child crying at 7am on a beautiful warm summer's morning (when most people are awake and making the most of the beautiful weather.)

Having a hissy fit over 'your right to silence' until some hour of the day when you deem to emerge from bed is just complete and utter bollocks.

If that is your requirement, BOOK A COTTAGE AWAY FROM CIVILISATION. And stop talking crap.

zzzzzzzz12345 · 25/08/2019 11:18

Themobilesite - that might be the case at home but in cheek by jowl holiday cottages I’d take a crying child away from the cottages. There are usually communal areas. Failing which a nice buggy walk.

Itsacrazyworld · 25/08/2019 11:18

@TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup
**Personally I find other adults on holiday more annoying. They are the ones who get drunk and loud, have loud sex, play music etc til early hours of the morning.

Yes you are right!!

zzzzzzzz12345 · 25/08/2019 11:18

Jingling - why are you being so aggressive and defensive?

BillieEilish · 25/08/2019 11:20

She's having a menopausal moment! Grin

JinglingHellsBells · 25/08/2019 11:22

zzzzzzzz12345 Ha that's a joke! Surely?

I don't think you know what defensive means.

Maybe read the posts condemning the OP.

Funny how you don't call them 'aggressive'.

Why is that ? Do explain why you think those aren't aggressive.

DadCanIHaveAZedgie · 25/08/2019 11:23

zzzzzzzz12345 To be fair we had an odd set of circumstances from 14-23 months in that we were living with family (including four dogs) some of whom got up at 6am, some of whom were on nights so he didn't have a room we could take him back to etc, the routine had to be movable. There was always someone up and moving about, making a noise.

Now i just say "right, get in then!" And turn the tv on for him while I doze Grin which has its own set of judgements

JinglingHellsBells · 25/08/2019 11:23

Ah I see..people start being personal once they lose the argument. @BillieEllish. And I'm not remotely menopausal thanks.

BillieEilish · 25/08/2019 11:24

I was joking!

Ginnymweasley · 25/08/2019 11:25

I love these perfect parents who's children never cried cause they didn't allow it. We all know that children should sit quietly until a adult gets up and allows them to make noise..... yesterday I told my ds not to climb and jump off hi story box about 15 times. I moved him away, I distracted him. F1st thing he did when i wasnt looking was to climb on his toy box. There is no way he would sit quietly in his room for an hour once he was awake.

Mummyoflittledragon · 25/08/2019 11:25

@zzzzzzzz12345
That’s good it worked for your kids. It actually worked for my dd too when she was an older baby and slept through except I went to her at 7am. But once she could get out of bed, she came straight in the bedroom. I didn’t have the energy to put her back. I’m also an early riser so if I was still in bed just being woken up ensured I was awake. Often I was already up.

Lots of people are just surviving. You had the head space to make it work. Others do not for various reasons so it is unfair to judge others by what you were able to do.

@CarolineKate
I think you just need to put it behind you. You did what you could to help the situation. Half an hour of crying on one day at around 7am is neither here nor there. I really don’t see how you could have kept your ds quieter. Children cry.

When my dd was that age she cried every day. Luckily teeth for her were a doddle. But had she hurt herself quite badly she easily could have cried for that length. I also agree with your asking if they could help. Your ds was hurting and all she was interested in was the noise he made.

DadCanIHaveAZedgie · 25/08/2019 11:27

Lots of people are just surviving. You had the head space to make it work. Others do not for various reasons so it is unfair to judge others by what you were able to do.

Absolutely agree with this!

Lowlandlucky · 25/08/2019 11:28

A baby crying in pain cant be helped and the owners were out of order to make a complaint but were they or were they complaing about the noise you were making as you packed the car up ? It would amaze you how many people cant keep a car door or the boot open when they pack the car up, my young neighbours went away every weekend, leaving really early on a Saturday morning and could happily slam the car doors at least a dozen times. Maybe the comment about not booking was said out of frustation.
Just what help do you think they should have offered regarding your crying baby !

PlatoAteMySnozcumber · 25/08/2019 11:28

Love the advice to not take children on holiday if you think they might cry or be respectful and book a a detached property. Better still, dash out the door for the day the moment it becomes clear the child is crying for a while. Completely detached from reality. I am always really curious as to who the people are who give this weird kind of advice... do you have normal jobs and normal friends? People can’t be this odd in real life. Probably all the same people that don’t answer the phone or the door and refuse to extend the most basic of kindness to other people.

Lockshunkugel · 25/08/2019 11:28

Did you take the baby downstairs? Was his cot by a wall in the cottage? The first thing you should have done is take him downstairs to keep the noise down a bit at 7am. Apologies to you, if you did this within a minute or two!

bobstersmum · 25/08/2019 11:29

Irrelevant that your baby was teething, kids cry, it's unavoidable! Half an hour or crying is nothing and if I was in your situation and was approached about it they'd be getting the sharp end of my tongue! It's not like you were up all night playing loud music!

cannycat20 · 25/08/2019 11:30

I don't think you were being unreasonable at all - and I say that as someone who doesn't have my own kids. I'd still hope most people with any sense and compassion, with or without kids, would be sympathetic towards someone whose little 'un is cutting a tooth - and it doesn't sound as if the soundproofing in those cottages was particularly good either if the people next door could hear you all that well, unless it's, you know, in the middle of Dartmoor or somewhere, where every tiny sound carries.

Also, always love all the comments from people who think we should all be able to predict the future, down to the minute a baby starts to cut a tooth, and basically that new mums/dads/carers and their kids should stick themselves in a kind of purdah until a time deemed appropriate by such people....! Years ago I worked in Ireland and when one of my colleagues and I got too b*tchy about anything in particular we had a particular phrase we'd use to stop us in our tracks - it was along the lines of, "Aye, if only everybody else was as perfect as us...." At which point we'd burst out laughing and have some cake or a sticky bun. Usually with tea.

Seriously, if the owner's that bothered, why doesn't she do what some campsites do and make it obvious that it's an "adults only" complex she's running and that actually she doesn't want pesky families with kids who might - oh my God - make a bit of noise, either playing, or grizzling, or, you know, just growing up in general? (Though she might get a few different issues to deal with if she marked it "adults only" of course....) Or, alternatively, add a notice that says "impeccably controlled, preferably silent, children and families welcome".

Ye Gods at her behaviour. Hope your little 'un is doing okay (and you too).

FalldereedilIdo · 25/08/2019 11:31

Shocked by these replies tbh. It said ‘children welcome’, it’s not some couples retreat/ yoga hideout. A toddler behaving badly all over the common areas etc is a different story, but a 1-year-old crying?! For those saying ‘don’t go when they’re teething’ - um, did your babies give you their teething schedules?? Mine didn’t.
Civilized society should be about bearing with each other and empathizing with each other’s experiences not banging on about your right to never ever be inconvenienced.
I would have left the same review as you OP, and no apology. Babies cry. See many many pop song lyrics staying this as inevitable. (‘Ask a baby not to cry it’s just impossible...’)

rookiemere · 25/08/2019 11:31

The owner shouldn't have spoken to you - or as you say if he did made it in a concerned not critical manner.
You were in a holiday cottage, not a hotel and 7am is not the middle of the night. I would have been a bit annoyed about being woken up if I were your neighbours, but I wouldn't have complained to the owner about it as babies cry - it's a fact of nature.

zzzzzzzz12345 · 25/08/2019 11:32

I think the thing is that there is a difference between normal background noise: people moving around normally in a cottage or on site, and high octane unaddressed noise/disturbance/crying. There’s a difference between natural toddler noise and unacceptable noise: shouting/screaming/demanding in communal areas or where things can be overheard. On our holiday, we had other people's kids up at 7am in toddler cars in a communal area (cottages in a rectangle, kids talking in normal tones in between) while the rest of the houses were sleeping - they were told in no uncertain terms by the owner that this activity happen once everyone was up. We didn’t even have to ask. We rejoiced! They were permissive parents who had zero thought for the disturbance their kids were making to others while they lay in bed. And they were told as much.

Who knows what the OPs situation was? The fact is that families who work hard to produce children who can use ‘indoor voices’, who understand that when others are sleeping you are naturally quiet, who are able to follow instructions will naturally resent those who don’t bother.

That’s not to say that things don’t sometimes go wrong. Maybe that was the case this weekend for the OP? But maybe she’s a permissive parent like the ones in our holiday who didn’t bother even trying to be considerate of the neighbours , and maybe that’s why even other families felt she was being unreasonable. Maybe the crying was just the straw that broke the camels back.

It’s like when people walk into a cinema or theatre talking loudly when the showing has started. Rude. If we’re late, we sneak in so as not to disturb anyone else. Which one are you OP?

FalldereedilIdo · 25/08/2019 11:35

Also - people with kids already pay through the nose to take holidays in school breaks. One of the boobs of not having kids is being able to avoid those times and places.

FalldereedilIdo · 25/08/2019 11:37

*boons, not boobs lol! Stupid autocorrect

Littlemeadow123 · 25/08/2019 11:37

@zzzzzzzz12345

Sounds like you think that your way is the only right way. Its a bit mean to judge OP when you weren't there yourself. Automatically deciding, oh you must be an inconsiderate, permissive parent. Im pretty sure you wouldnt like someone judging your parent in a negative way, particularly when they don't knownyou and don't know anything about the situation? So why do it to somebody else?

From the sounds of it, this owner has a problem with toddlers and babies, instead of families in general. The other family who left a positive review might have had older kids, ones who wouldn't have upset the owner with teething pains. Did you even stop to consider that? Babies do cry and make noise, and there isn't always anything you can do about it at that age. Older children dont cry as much, and know not to make noise in holiday cottages where there are other people.

Some of these places that claim to be family friendly are anything but. Half an hour of on-off crying from 7am is nothing. If it had been three hours constant crying from 4am I'd understand.