Asked to keep toddler quiet

[Jellytots321]

So I recently stayed in a holiday cottage attached to some other holiday cottages.

Unfortunaly the first morning we were there my toddler started to cut a tooth. He was crying on and off for about 30 minutes from about 7. We then left to go out for the day at 8am. Whilst on the way to our car I was approached by the owner and asked to keep the noise down. I explained the situation and she replied that I shouldn't have booked it I knew he would make noise (he was included on the booking and the site says children welcome). I left a bad review saying not to book if you have babies or toddlers as they will be expected not to cry. They replied with a smug reply saying thank you for responding to our request as there was no more disturbance for the rest of the trip (yeah his tooth came through so he stopped crying!). I apologised in my review for disturbance to other guests and suggested that instead of telling us to keep him quiet they could have asked if we needed any help. Someone else reviewed the day after saying that children are welcome you just need to be respectful of other guests. I was being respectful hence leaving at 8am and not 11am like planned. Aibu for leaving that review or feeling like I should be expected to magically stop a 1 year old from crying? I would understand if it was adults making noise but I was doing everything I could to comfort him!

If people book this sort of accommodation then noise is expected, even at 7 am in the morning. I would have commented that they weren't very child-friendly in my review too. There is plenty of adults-only accommodation available if people want quiet, although they may well get more late-night noise instead.

Interesting to read the posts about people with aspergers/asd being particularly sensitive to this kind of noise.

My four year old who has asd is often the one making the racket. I don’t think he’s had a single day in his life in which he hasn’t cried about something and half an hour of crying during teething sounds blissfully easy to me. I think he may have cried non-stop for those 18 months.

I think the owners are being unrealistic and they should probably not advertise child friendly accommodation.

Holy moly - really? Our kids have had their gro clock on for 8am at weekends since birth. They’ve never questioned it. When it’s ‘one star’ (after 7) they know they can play quietly in their rooms. When in cots they played with toys/mobile quite happily. From age 5 ish we moved this to 9 when they could get up themselves and have a banana/juice and play on their own downstairs safely and quietly. It’s really not rocket science. Kids can be trained to do anything. It’s not cruel. They weren’t and aren’t hungry or upset or distressed. That were simply taught that the entire world didn’t revolve around them, including ours. They had to give a bit too. They learned patience and a modicum of delayed gratification. They learned to be part of a family, which gives and takes.

Funnily enough they love that hour or two of peace without parents, it’s their special time and they now say ‘can we get up on our own tomorrow?’. That says it all.

This is what I mean about permissive parenting. Letting the child rule the roost instead of imposing rules which suit the family, as well as others around you. When people say ‘my child gets up at 530 whatever I so’ you know that they haven’t actually done anything at all apart from capitulate.

Half an hour of crying is hardly a life sentence. Op already left earlier than planned to avoid disturbing neighbours she didn't have to. That was very considerate of her
This is hilarious in how self-centred it is! By the time OP left, the whole place was probably wide awake and ready to go out themselves. 1/2 hour at 7am on holiday IS a long time. Being considerate would have been to do something to stop the disturbance after 10 minutes.

And yes, like almost all parents I've been there and no, I never left my kids to cry for 1/2 hour if I knew it wa keeping people and other kids up, especially strangers. I would have been mortified to know I was the cause of disturbing many people.

But again, this is another thread that really show how self centred people are and think it totally acceptable that a handful of people or more should be disturbed because they think they, as an individual, are more important than anyone else.

@pinkyredrose are you serious???!!!! You obviously don’t have kids of your own. Ffs get a grip!!!!

My children are long past teething but they make a fair amount of noise just talking, playing and occasionally arguing. Children with special needs make a whole lot more noise. What the heck are these owners thinking marketing the place as child friendly if that does not mean child tolerant? I think they were unreasonable, OP, and you should not need to apologize for a toddler being a toddler.

Totally fine to leave that review. In your shoes I'd have liked the owner to come up and say something like, "Oh dear, sounds like he's in a lot of pain. There's a pharmacy over at x if you think A, B or C would help."

The family is there, at that moment. The child is crying in pain. Anyone who has heard the noise would have heard it by now. The parent is doing something. The crying is for a reason no one can argue with. What did the owner think she would accomplish?

(And fwiw I'm strict with my toddler about noise etc - if she starts shouting in a cafe or shop we immediately leave. This is different.)

Yes I'm serious. Im what world would people on holiday be delighted to be woken up by screaming?

if you as a grown-up can't stand crying babies and toddlers, then don't book a holiday in a place that's marked as child friendly

This.

Our kids have had their gro clock on for 8am at weekends since birth. They’ve never questioned it.

You clearly have very biddable children. Amazing, genuinely, and I'm not being sarcastic, that's fucking awesome! It's not how it works with my toddler unfortunately, who doesn't give a shit for lie ins or gro clocks despite my insistence that I need a kip

Well this tread is reminding me why I now avoid parents of small kids like the plague. Their attitude of helpleness face to their kids behaviour and defensiveness when challenged is very unpleasant.

You can't win though! Last time on a quiet train, a mum with 3 young kids came and sat ne t to me and it became clear after 10 minutes she was one of those who would let her kids run havoc whilst being on her phone, so I got up, said excuse me, and make my way out. She shouted at me asking if I had an issue with her. I said no but wanted to sit somewhere quietly and she called me a rude name. I guess she was annoyed I wouldn't sit there and distract her kids whilst she continued to chat or post messages on her phone.

YANBU. If it says children welcome then they need to expect some level of noise from them, as long as you are making an effort to mitigate it and it sounds like you were. Small children can often be unsettled on a first night somewhere new, teething or not. If they mean not babies and toddlers then they should say that.

But again, this is another thread that really show how self centred people are and think it totally acceptable that a handful of people or more should be disturbed because they think they, as an individual, are more important than anyone else

What complete and utter crap.

I am not more important than anyone else. We have almost 3 year old twins, both autistic, amongst other things. Despite the fact they are mostly very well behaved, we have never taken them on holiday, and never take them to restaurants or places that aren’t specifically geared towards families. I would be very upset if their behaviour disturbed other people.

However, if accommodation is described as family friendly, a baby crying is par for the course. The fact it was 7am and not 3am is a win. If you don’t like it, stay somewhere that’s not designated family friendly.

This is what I mean about permissive parenting. Letting the child rule the roost instead of imposing rules which suit the family, as well as others around you. When people say ‘my child gets up at 530 whatever I so’ you know that they haven’t actually done anything at all apart from capitulate.
This entire post made me belly laugh, but this was the best bit. Congratulations on your perfectly behaved neurotypical children. You must just be a much better parent than everyone else, and the rest of us must just not try.

OP good for you for leaving a review. You informed other parents so they are aware.

People who don’t like kids and want peace and quiet guaranteed should book an adult exclusive holiday. Don’t book a cottage where kids and pets are welcome. I hate how entitled and selfish people have become. Why should everyone put up with loud inconsiderate adults and not say anything because people “hate confrontation” but when it’s about a crying toddler due to teething everyone jumps at the parents throat?

@pinkyredrose then get a freakin’ cottage in the middle of nowhere if you want guaranteed quiet!
People like you make me angry. Selfish entitled bunch

‘You were inconsiderate and unreasonable to take the child away while he was teething’

What?
I think symptoms of teething are made up personally, there’s study’s that back it up too.
It doesn’t hurt.
It’s co-incidence.

However, if accommodation is described as family friendly, a baby crying is par for the course. The fact it was 7am and not 3am is a win. If you don’t like it, stay somewhere that’s not designated family friendly
Is that what family friendly means than? That kids can cry and be let to cry at whatever time of the night and that it is perfectly ok? Thst means that ultimately, you could have a child crying and waking everyone else up every hour or all through the night. That would be OK and people would still be happy to go to such places?

Family friendly to me means kids around, kids play areas, kids menus, it doesn't mean kids are free to cry for 30 minutes or more.

Still waiting to read for why taking the child outside wasn't a good option?

Being woken at 7am on holiday by someone else's crying child is no-one's idea of a holiday ...

I think the owner was not unreasonable in asking you to keep the noise down.

Parents who let thier children disturb others seen rather selfish and entitled to me. Maybe they should get a cottage in the middle of nowhere.

@CarolineKate
You were reasonable to leave the review.

Years ago, DH and I stayed at a cottage which was attached to another and we had a toddler screaming on the other side of the wall for most of the night(s) . It ruined our holiday.

I didn't complain to anyone though we did bang on the wall one night in exasperation and ask the other couple to try and keep the baby quiet because it was obvious they were simply leaving it to cry - we could hear when they went in to pick it up or try to comfort it (and not aware other people were being disturbed.)

Oh and if indeed, there was nothing at all that could ha e stopped the child crying, and taking them oit was genuinely not an option, what I would have posted is an ex use to anyone whose sleep would have been very unpleasantly disrupted, not complain that people complained!

@MouthyHarpy Most people are surely up and about or at least awake at 7am?

Noise 'law' is you have a right to peace and quiet from 11pm to 7am.

After 7am it's reasonable to expect people to be awake. It's hardly early.

Dadcan - one very biddable, one not at all biddable. I simply refused to allow her to rule the roost. My house, my rules. We both do long gruelling hours and need rest. It was never an option to give up and say ‘oh well, we tried to make her considerate but she’s not very biddable’. It tools years of gentle enforcement. If you say the same thing, weekend in, weekend out, it becomes the rule, even with the most challenging child (mine was and is pretty challenging). You don’t just give up.

And of course I’m talking about the majority. Children with additional needs are entirely different and of course I don’t apply the same rules to them. But they are a very small minority and don’t explain the permissive parenting epidemic in which we find ourselves today in the UK.

And another poster belly laughing at a simple parental attempt to create consideration for others (including one’s parents) evidences only too well that epidemic.