Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to walk away from him?

144 replies

Pennyeleanor · 24/08/2019 21:58

I do love my DP but he’s a very different person now to the way he was and our relationship is very different. We’ve been together for 5 years.
He has absolutely no hobbies other than watching tv. His day begins at 12pm when he wakes up. I do all the cleaning and shopping while he’s asleep. For the rest of the day and into the early hours of the night, all he does is sit around watching tv. I’m not even exaggerating. He does nothing else. I ask him how his day has been and it’s the same story. Nothing changes. Every day the response is ‘I’m fine. Just been watching tv’.
He doesn’t drive so we don’t go out anywhere. He claims not to have enough money for us to go on holiday but whenever he does have some money, he spends it by drinking and going out nearly every weekend.
He has no ambition: he doesn’t know what he wants to do with his life. He quit his job 2 years ago and still has no clue what he’s going to do. ‘It’ll all fall into place eventually’ is the response I get.
Don’t get me wrong, I do love him. But, I’m sick to death of the laziness, the boredom, the lack of forward planning.
I do all the work round the house but he treats the house like a pig sty- for example he spits out his chewing gum anywhere; on tables, on the sink. Complete lack of respect and pride in our home.
This is exceptionally shallow but In the last 2 years, he went from being a healthy gym addict to someone unrecognisable.
AIBU to think there’s someone better out there who actually does something with their day? Who wants to travel and explore and work hard?

OP posts:
BellyButton85 · 24/08/2019 22:00

Do you work yourself?

Pennyeleanor · 24/08/2019 22:02

Yes I do

OP posts:
Dragongirl10 · 24/08/2019 22:03

I am amazed you have to ask...

Lastnightajdsavedmylife · 24/08/2019 22:04

Is that you beach?

dollydaydream114 · 24/08/2019 22:05

I would have walked away two years ago.

Apileofballyhoo · 24/08/2019 22:06

Walk away very fast.

Pennyeleanor · 24/08/2019 22:06

@Dragongirl10 the issue is, he’ll always twist things and say stuff like ‘you have your interests and I don’t make you change what you do even though I’m not into what you’re into. Why do I have to change myself when I wouldn’t ask you to change’ Etc

OP posts:
MrsKittyFane1 · 24/08/2019 22:06

Also amazed you're asking!
He sounds horrific.
You know he is already don't you?

ThatssomebadhatHarry · 24/08/2019 22:07

He does sound depressed. Maybe he needs an ultimatum..

Ozziewozzie · 24/08/2019 22:08

Have you tried talking to him about this? Maybe he’s feeling a little depressed from being out of work for so long. A sort of catch 22 situation, depressed at being at home but at the same time doesn’t have the get up and go to actually seek a new job.
If you can, raise the topic in a supportive way. If he genuinely just can’t be bothered, then I’d think of moving on.

MrsKittyFane1 · 24/08/2019 22:08

He's right! He doesn't need to change a thing! Let him crack on!
You,however, need to change everything! Run as fast as you can and start living your life.

Pennyeleanor · 24/08/2019 22:09

He gets invited to go to places. His friends invite him out but he’s not interested unless it involves drinking. His family invite him out or try and arrange to visit us but he refuses saying he’d rather watch tv...

OP posts:
RezCowgirl · 24/08/2019 22:10

He doesn't have to change but that doesn't mean that you can't.

tobedtoMNandfart · 24/08/2019 22:12

I assumed he was retirement age until you said about him starting his career!!!

CoraPirbright · 24/08/2019 22:12

What sort of a life is it for you?

Choice4567 · 24/08/2019 22:12

What can he find to watch all day? How is he funding his half of the house?

tobedtoMNandfart · 24/08/2019 22:12

You don't have to get him to agree to split up. You just have to tell him you ARE splitting up.

averylongtimeago · 24/08/2019 22:14

Well you know, you can change this.
You can walk away.
Look into the future- is this why you want for the rest of your life?

You only get one life, lift up your eyes and look to the future-

LordBuckley · 24/08/2019 22:14

How old are you both?

Pennyeleanor · 24/08/2019 22:14

I assumed he was retirement age until you said about him starting his career!!!

I’m 25 and he’s 23!

OP posts:
HeffaLump1 · 24/08/2019 22:18

Why would you NOT walk away from him OP? Apart from loving him

Pinkflipflop85 · 24/08/2019 22:18

Wow, he sounds like a right catch Hmm

Why are you with him?

ShawshanksRedemption · 24/08/2019 22:19

I think you'd have every right to tell him it's not an equal partnership anymore and that's what you're looking for, particularly for the future.

It's all on your shoulders to work and get the money for bills etc, and then do the housework which he then disrespects. What does he bring to the relationship?

I know you say you love him, but if it doesn't get addressed you'll just get resentful that you're making the effort but he isn't.

Stayawayfromitsmouth · 24/08/2019 22:20

Jeez.

richteasandcheese · 24/08/2019 22:21

23 and he's spent the past two years of his life watching tv? Wtf? Send him home to his mum and get on with your life - he's not worth the oxygen you're wasting on him!