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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to walk away from him?

144 replies

Pennyeleanor · 24/08/2019 21:58

I do love my DP but he’s a very different person now to the way he was and our relationship is very different. We’ve been together for 5 years.
He has absolutely no hobbies other than watching tv. His day begins at 12pm when he wakes up. I do all the cleaning and shopping while he’s asleep. For the rest of the day and into the early hours of the night, all he does is sit around watching tv. I’m not even exaggerating. He does nothing else. I ask him how his day has been and it’s the same story. Nothing changes. Every day the response is ‘I’m fine. Just been watching tv’.
He doesn’t drive so we don’t go out anywhere. He claims not to have enough money for us to go on holiday but whenever he does have some money, he spends it by drinking and going out nearly every weekend.
He has no ambition: he doesn’t know what he wants to do with his life. He quit his job 2 years ago and still has no clue what he’s going to do. ‘It’ll all fall into place eventually’ is the response I get.
Don’t get me wrong, I do love him. But, I’m sick to death of the laziness, the boredom, the lack of forward planning.
I do all the work round the house but he treats the house like a pig sty- for example he spits out his chewing gum anywhere; on tables, on the sink. Complete lack of respect and pride in our home.
This is exceptionally shallow but In the last 2 years, he went from being a healthy gym addict to someone unrecognisable.
AIBU to think there’s someone better out there who actually does something with their day? Who wants to travel and explore and work hard?

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 24/08/2019 22:21

FFS. At 25 I couldn’t move for all the fun I was having. Just leave before he drags you down too.

Stayawayfromitsmouth · 24/08/2019 22:24

Sorry I was uncharacteristically lost for words.
Cast this massive lump of uselessness aside. You've wasted enough of your youth on him.
He doesn't care for you.
Even if he does have depression or whatever, I doubt you will be able to 'save' him.
Go travel, fly free, live!

TixieLix · 24/08/2019 22:26

We only get one life OP. Don't waste yours on this loser. You're a young woman; move on and find a man with some drive and ambition, who is prepared to make an effort in your relationship and contribute equally (both financially and emotionally).

TanyaChix · 24/08/2019 22:26

Is there any chance he could be suffering from depression or something else he needs to talk through with a professional? If not, yes I would leave. It sounds miserable.

TanyaChix · 24/08/2019 22:28

Having no interest in family, friends, getting a job, going out or having pride in his home etc really doesn’t sound normal, especially since this is new behaviour and he used to be an active gym-goer.

TanyaChix · 24/08/2019 22:29

*going out with you, I mean. I keep pressing bloody send too soon. And the drinking doesn’t sound too good.

In short though, you’re his partner and not his therapist. You can only support him so far. When it makes you miserable, it can’t continue.

Pennyeleanor · 24/08/2019 22:30

Is there any chance he could be suffering from depression or something else he needs to talk through with a professional

He thinks he might be depressed but like a lot of people (especially men), the thought of talking to a professional is worse to him than living with depression!

OP posts:
ErrmWTAF · 24/08/2019 22:30

I'm always amused by people coming out with medical reasons for bad behaviour.

You can have all the depression in the world, but spitting out your gum anywhere, in a house cleaned by somebody else, is just plain entitled and disgusting.

GetOffTheTableMabel · 24/08/2019 22:30

I’m sorry but I don’t believe that you love him. You might be fond of him but I have old jumpers I’m fond of and frankly, I think they bring more to my life than this chump brings to yours. You don’t respect him. You don’t find him attractive. He’s not even a decent housemate - he’s a minging gum-spitter.
No-one who behaves as he has done, over a prolonged period of time, suddenly wakes up one day and decides that they are purposeful and have ambition. He’s not going to find any drive when he can’t currently work a waste paper basket.
The real question is why aren’t you packing right now?

TriciaH87 · 24/08/2019 22:31

A job will not fall into his lap by watching TV. Make him an appointment with a careers advisor if he still doesn't know what to do. Tell him he bloody attends or your going. He does nothing to help you and by the sound of it your supporting him to do it.

Pennyeleanor · 24/08/2019 22:34

Your post made me chuckle @GetOffTheTableMabel . I do love him but I’m not sure if I love him for who he is now or whether I still love the person he once was

OP posts:
Jaffacakebeast · 24/08/2019 22:35

Cocklodger

RosaWaiting · 24/08/2019 22:38

Good grief

Love schmove

Make a nice life and stop financing him. You can finance me if you like, I’m probably more interesting to chat to! And I don’t often compliment myself!!

Sexnotgender · 24/08/2019 22:40

Good lord woman run and don’t look back!

PositiveVibez · 24/08/2019 22:40

Is that you beach?

I thought exactly the same!!

Pennyeleanor · 24/08/2019 22:40

Sorry who’s beach ?

OP posts:
BaronessBomburst · 24/08/2019 22:44

There's no point asking if you're only in it for the sex as I'm guessing he doesn't bother too much there either. Hmm

Pennyeleanor · 24/08/2019 22:45

@BaronessBomburst to his credit, there’s nothing wrong in that department!

OP posts:
theunrivalledjoysofparenting · 24/08/2019 22:48

What a lazy twat.

Why are you with him?

He’s 23?? Very odd that he’s gone from caring about things to caring about nothing, but you owe him the same - nothing.

He needs to get help for depression if that’s what it is.

But living with him sounds impossible. I’d leave.

Boots20 · 24/08/2019 22:50

Does he smoke weed? I have a cousin who is pretty much the same, stays on sofa all day long, lazy, depressed, slightly paranoid. He smokes weed all day long.

nicenewdusters · 24/08/2019 22:50

You can't rescue him. Leave him before he drags you down.

Andysbestadventure · 24/08/2019 22:50

He's 23? What the fuck are you still doing there, or him. Kick him out and get your life back FFS. Give your head a wobble and get some self respect.

Motoko · 24/08/2019 22:51

You love the 18 year old boy he was, not the 23 year old man he is now.

Dump and run.

Pennyeleanor · 24/08/2019 22:53

Does he smoke weed?
He used to. After a lot of arguments, bribes and ultimatums, he quit about a year ago because I refused to have it in my home

OP posts:
Boots20 · 24/08/2019 22:58

I would just check that he definitely has quit he might be hiding it from you, although again he may not be & he could just be depressed. But either way you cant change him, he has to want to change himself. Goodluck OP

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