AIBU to walk away from him?

[Pennyeleanor]

I do love my DP but he’s a very different person now to the way he was and our relationship is very different. We’ve been together for 5 years.
He has absolutely no hobbies other than watching tv. His day begins at 12pm when he wakes up. I do all the cleaning and shopping while he’s asleep. For the rest of the day and into the early hours of the night, all he does is sit around watching tv. I’m not even exaggerating. He does nothing else. I ask him how his day has been and it’s the same story. Nothing changes. Every day the response is ‘I’m fine. Just been watching tv’.
He doesn’t drive so we don’t go out anywhere. He claims not to have enough money for us to go on holiday but whenever he does have some money, he spends it by drinking and going out nearly every weekend.
He has no ambition: he doesn’t know what he wants to do with his life. He quit his job 2 years ago and still has no clue what he’s going to do. ‘It’ll all fall into place eventually’ is the response I get.
Don’t get me wrong, I do love him. But, I’m sick to death of the laziness, the boredom, the lack of forward planning.
I do all the work round the house but he treats the house like a pig sty- for example he spits out his chewing gum anywhere; on tables, on the sink. Complete lack of respect and pride in our home.
This is exceptionally shallow but In the last 2 years, he went from being a healthy gym addict to someone unrecognisable.
AIBU to think there’s someone better out there who actually does something with their day? Who wants to travel and explore and work hard?

Sorry, what? You can do better!

I also think it sounds as though he's depressed but, Pennyeleanor, you can't go on living as you do. In some ways you're enabling him. Please give him an ultimatum.

How can he afford to live?

Honestly, disgusting, lazy behaviour

Sorry I would have to walk away and leave him to collect dust. Life can be more interesting than this.

You can love someone, and it still not be enough of a reason to be in a relationship with them. You'll be ok, OP.

Just bin him.

But I bet you don’t and you will come back and tell us you are pregnant and then be stuck with him forever.

He sounds like a twat.

When he things twisted around on you, did you tell him his lack of involvement outside of drinking and watching tv is not conducive to a happy relationship?

All he seems, from what you describe, is a lump on the couch.

He’s just going to get worse.

My DD wasted three years of her life on a similar waster. Well, to be fair two, because he was lovely for the first year of their relationship. And not horrible after; just deeply, deeply hopeless with an awful weed habit.

Like you, she was hanging on for the lad she had fallen in love with and it took a lot for her to finally break up with him.

Two years on she’s very happy and loving her life. She’s had lots of short term relationships, but not met someone as lovely as her ex was when they first met. She says there’s no rush.

I’d really hoped her ex would have the incentive to sort himself out when they finished but it sounds like he’s more hopeless than ever.

Seriously, don’t waste your life OP.

What attracted you to him? Bizarre.

He sounds like a complete waster who enjoys spending your money

I don't understand why you're even asking

Whose name is the house in?

for example he spits out his chewing gum anywhere; on tables, on the sink
I don’t know if Id leave or stab him for this🤢
Why are you supporting this oxygen thief?
Back to mummy for him 👊🏼

For the Chicago fans

“So, I said to him, I said "You pop that gum one more time"
And he did
So I took the shotgun off the wall
And I fired two warning shots
Into his head”

OP, really, leave him, no jail sentence.

Does he use cannabis by any chance?

Whose house is it? If rented, is he on the lease? Could you maybe just pack up his stuff and put him in a taxi to his mum’s house? I think the expense would be well worth it.

This is no life, OP. You say you love him, but how can you respect a (presumably) physically healthy, young man who does nothing and expects his partner to financially support him, feed him, wash his clothes etc? He’s pathetic! It really makes me sad that you seem to think this is the best you can do. Honestly, love, you’d be better off single than looking after this useless lump for the rest of your life.

Please bin him. Don’t waste any more of your youth. And for the love of Oprah, don’t get pregnant to this twat.

Leave him now! I had a boyfriend like this for seven years. I absolutely adored him but his laziness drove me insane. The day I split from him I felt as if bricks had been lifted from my shoulders! A year of unrest followed but I soon met my life partner and we have been married for 22 years!!! No regrets -apart from 15 year-old daughter finding an old photo album and couldn't believe how "hot" he was!!

Your bar is set so incredibly low. Why? Have a serious think about my question. Because no one is going to recommend staying for any reason at all.

This is a slow death. Life should be amazing and exciting and good fun. So get a move on and get rid.

Thanks everyone for your words of encouragement and also reassurance! I just don’t know where to go from here? He’s still a nice person (most of the time) and I don’t want to break up badly...how can I do it without seeming like a massive bitch?

He has no ambition: he doesn’t know what he wants to do with his life. He quit his job 2 years ago and still has no clue what he’s going to do. ‘It’ll all fall into place eventually’ is the response I get.

Well, he is completely correct. It has fallen into place, hasn't it?

You are his enabler. Being an enabler will be giving you something in return, a feeling of worth or something similar to that. What you call love is damaging this young man. If you loved him then you would leave him for his sake. You are staying with him for your sake.

OP
You won’t seem like a bitch

But for future reference, who cares if it seems that way to anyone?

You simply tell him that you want different things in life and the relationship is over. He does not have to agree, this is YOUR decision. If he reacts badly, that’s on him. It’s on you to stick to your guns.

It might help to have a plan in place to get him out of the house. Like, before you tell him it’s over, you have his stuff packed and be ready with your phone to arrange a taxi or Uber for him. Don’t give him any room to throw a strop or plead with you, just get him out.

Escape! You are not his caret.

I remember a friend saying she thinks sometimes people stay in shit relationships because they want to blame someone else for how their life turns out. Interesting theory, might be something in it.

Carer

I said to him yesterday ‘I wish you did more than just go drinking with the guys. I wish you had hobbies and interests’ and he said ‘I do stuff. I spend time with you and I watch tv’ he said that entirely seriously

Honestly finish with him

Why should he do sweet FA all day, while you do all the cleaning, washing shopping AND work full time.

Where does he get any of his money from.

And if you need to bribe and beg someone to stop smoking weed, they arent worth it.