4 year olds refusal to walk dictating weekends!

[Hannahlouise4026]

My dd is 5 in November.
Every weekend for the last few weeks/months have resulted in either me or my husband having to abandon whatever plan we had as a family to go home with her as she just lies down in the middle of the steeet and refuses to walk. She says her legs hurt (I know this to be a lie to get out of what she wants to do as she runs off with her friends, swims and dances ( all things she enjoys)
We also have a baby and a almost 6 year old ad well.
Examples -
• last weekend on the Sunday we decided to go to a local national trust castle with fantastic play park, and the promise of lunch. She refused to get out of the car, then rolled around in the ground. In the end my husband sat in the car with her while I took my eldest and baby to the park

•weekend before, we decided to walk to a local cafe with a little play area and get an ice lolly. A 10/15 min walk. We gave her option of using scooter if She wanted. As soon as we got to the end of our street she sat down and refused to move, begging husband to carry her.

•on Thursday we went swimming just myself and baby brother, pool is 2 minutes walk from our front door (literally can see our door from it!) and on the way back she lay on the ground and refused to walk, half an hour later, me standing beside her the whole time, she saw her friend and then ran off with her.

•today she was playing outside with her friends and as it’s a lovely day, we thought we’d take a walk to local park (10/15 min walk) got yo the end of our street and again the same thing happened. I ended up literally having to drag her back while pushing the pram. She’s now rolling around the floor, which will last for ages.

I’ve said she has to spend the next two days indoor, and no iPad/tv time. I’m not sure what other reasonable thing to suggest to stop this happening.

It’s ruining any family thing we do, my husband has one day off a week and we fee we can’t do anything as her refusal to walk/go anywhere ruins it for all of us.

She is smart, friendly, generally well behaved at other times, no developmental/behavioural concerns otherwise.

Please help as we are at the end of our tether.

Sounds like me when I was a kid. But even now I hate walking. I have always had problems walking and even now I have no idea what is wrong with my legs. Within 5 mins I am in agony it started when I was 3/4 and I am 30 now. Hope you can figure out why your DD is like it though and if you need to take her doctors, I hope they are better at helping your DD than they were with me....

You’ve had lots of advice but we have a 3 nearly 4 year old who also does this ... a lot! However recently he’s really liked hey duggee so we tell him he can earn badges like a “hiking badge” “supermarket shopping badge” “listening badge” “holding hands in car park” etc which has surprisingly worked quite well as motivation. Even though the badges are entirely imaginary. It’s baffling. Getting him to sleep all night in his own bed is another story however.

I empathise entirely. The other thing we’ve had to do is just walk away sometimes ( if he’s in a safe place like a supermarket aisle) and he usually gets off to floor. He’s a delightful boy at other times but essentially we’ve been too soft and carried him quite a lot until he became heavy, so now he misses the cuddles i think.

You can just let her sit in the buggy you know, it doesn't have to be a major awful humiliating punishment - there is no need for some of these suggestions like making sure she doesn't get out of it or attaching some ridiculous rule of needing to rest for an entire day. Sometimes it's absolutely fine just to sidestep a power struggle. Some suggestions in this thread are frankly horrific.

OK perhaps she won't want to stop in response to school specifically, but I stand by the point - there will come a point where she doesn't want/need it by herself, you won't be pushing her into college in a buggy. Unless it does turn out that she has a medical issue in which case it might be a wheelchair I suppose - but hopefully it wouldn't be anything that drastic.

'Take her to school in her pram and say really loudly to the other kids she’s a baby.'

That would be a very bad idea. First of all, it may encourage bullying, and once you've set that ball rolling, it may be hard to stop it. And the teachers may not look favourably on such interference by a parent in playground dynamics. Secondly, if the child does have a problem, physical or emotional, which is affecting her behaviour, such actions can have the opposite effect from the intended one, and cause her to resent growing up and prefer to be a baby, especially if she does have a baby sister whose babyhood seems to protect her from such pressures. I have always had physical co-ordination difficulties, and while I don't remember having this particular problem with walking, I did have problems with learning to put my coat on properly, tie my shoelaces, manage difficult staircases, keep up with the class in getting from one place to another, write neatly, etc. and people (fortunately not my immediate family but lots of other people) were often quick to accuse me of 'babyishness', wanting to be 'babied', etc., and kept exhorting me about how I needed to do better 'at my age'. As a result, I developed a quite negative attitude to the whole concept of growing up, and indeed to this day have a very strong aversion to birthdays!

Wow Teddybear45. I take it you are not a mum. If you are, I feel sorry for your kids. You disgusting human.

Well i'm sorry but I disagree with most of the above, for a start 40 years ago she wouldn't have even started school. There is a world of difference between running across grass at her own pace, and walking at an adults pace which is not comfortable. added to that a long bit of tarmac is not only monotomous but reall hammers the newly developed muscles of an infant. I would be the first to ensure a child doesnt always get their own way, but you cant say for sure its a lie, driving makes my leg go into cramp, i'm right as rain when I stop. Take a buggy, otherwise she will refuse to go to a castle on the grounds that your not meeting her needs.

Worth taking her to the gp and saying “lets find out what is wrong with your legs then”. Could genuinely be a problem and she is experiencing fatigue/pain. Other than that yes it could be behavioural and looking attention as she’s not the baby any more. I hope you get to the bottom of it and dd grows out of this phase

I just put stubborn walkers on my shoulders and carry on. Its a phase that doesn't last for ever

A friend had this problem, I was never sure how I felt about her solution, but it did work!

She took a bar of chocolate with her, told her dd that she could have it at the end of the day. But every time she caused a fuss or refused to walk the mum took out the chocolate bar and ate a bite. She slowly ate it where her dd could see. She told her if he dd was going to waste her time, she was going to waste DD's chocolate!
She soon decided to shorten tantrums and carry on. It took about 2 weeks.

I remember being stuck between thinking it was slightly genius but somehow feeling a little uneasy, but can't pinpoint why!

It worked though!

I have 3 and I can totally sympathise. My children a lot older but my middle one is very difficult and awkward and I do put this down to middle child syndrome. She will act a lot younger than she should, even still having tantrums. I do believe the middle child becomes a wee bit needy for attentions sake. It drives me to drink some days but it won't be forever. There's no right answer is there, do you give in for the sake of the siblings or do you try teach the lesson. Can you make it a game where you try racing each other or ask her if she can get to that tree and time her. With my youngest I get her to sit down on the scooter and take her over wee bumps to get somewhere quicker. 3 will always be a tricky number, there will always be the awkward one usually the middle one. I'm currently having a glass of wine exhausted from a teenager, a tweenie, and a 5 year old. Good luck hon

Please take her to the dr. instead of punishing her.

Well i'm sorry but I disagree with most of the above, for a start 40 years ago she wouldn't have even started school..

She'd have started at my school, I was 4 years and one week.

until recent years a lot of 4 year olds wouldn't have been expected to walk so far on regular occasions..

None of this remotely evidence based. I personally would have strongly assumed (based on what grandparents told me) that everyone including children walked much further before cars. These days it's as if a lot of people of all ages walk nowhere at all.

DM by age 5 had to walk a mile to school and back a day on her own 🤷🏻‍♀️.

Buggy board does seem like a likely successful solution. I wonder where OP went.

Could DH just stick her on his back and have a mess around. Make her laugh, she wants attention so give her a bit! If that isn't possible play a game before the tantrum starts I.e. indoors and then continue it outside. I bet she soon changes her mind and then it will be fun for all of you. After a couple of weeks I reckon she will stop!

You could give her a piggy back also of course but not sure if you have had any problems after the birth etc

Let her push the pram? Maybe she would like to be the ‘big sister’ if this could be the issue (hopefully she won’t let go at the top of a steep hill as my dear big sister used to do).

There something going on here other than stubborn naughtiness or manipulation as so many have suggested. Just because she ran off to be with her friend after half an hour on the floor doesn’t mean she’s faking. Children with chronic pain still want to play. I think you’ll get further with her by reassuring her that you want her to be with you on these outings. Before you go out talk to her and say she’s your big girl and you live spending time with her and that she’s so fun to be with. Tell her you know she gets tired so you’ll take the spare buggy just in case she needs it and can’t walk because then she’ll still be able to be with you and that makes you so happy. I’m guessing that after a couple of trips it will take a bit longer for her to want the buggy every time. And if she does want it let her have it without making her feel guilty, just happy she is still able to be out and about with you. It will pass and if it doesn’t, get her checked at the Drs. Sometimes a lack of iron can make children reluctant to walk even though they can play at home. I’ve known a three year old who had long given up using a buggy and suddenly wanted it every time he had to walk and eventually a blood test showed very low iron . It would be worth checking that.

My DD did this at 2 when her baby bro was on the way. I was very stern - she either walked, I went on without her, she was dragged (not really but it was an option) or she went in the buggy like a baby. Or things were withdrawn and I stuck by the sanction.

But she was 2. You really need to be firm. Ext you'll be buying her new shoes when she doesn't need them because her sibling needs some.