4 year olds refusal to walk dictating weekends!

[Hannahlouise4026]

My dd is 5 in November.
Every weekend for the last few weeks/months have resulted in either me or my husband having to abandon whatever plan we had as a family to go home with her as she just lies down in the middle of the steeet and refuses to walk. She says her legs hurt (I know this to be a lie to get out of what she wants to do as she runs off with her friends, swims and dances ( all things she enjoys)
We also have a baby and a almost 6 year old ad well.
Examples -
• last weekend on the Sunday we decided to go to a local national trust castle with fantastic play park, and the promise of lunch. She refused to get out of the car, then rolled around in the ground. In the end my husband sat in the car with her while I took my eldest and baby to the park

•weekend before, we decided to walk to a local cafe with a little play area and get an ice lolly. A 10/15 min walk. We gave her option of using scooter if She wanted. As soon as we got to the end of our street she sat down and refused to move, begging husband to carry her.

•on Thursday we went swimming just myself and baby brother, pool is 2 minutes walk from our front door (literally can see our door from it!) and on the way back she lay on the ground and refused to walk, half an hour later, me standing beside her the whole time, she saw her friend and then ran off with her.

•today she was playing outside with her friends and as it’s a lovely day, we thought we’d take a walk to local park (10/15 min walk) got yo the end of our street and again the same thing happened. I ended up literally having to drag her back while pushing the pram. She’s now rolling around the floor, which will last for ages.

I’ve said she has to spend the next two days indoor, and no iPad/tv time. I’m not sure what other reasonable thing to suggest to stop this happening.

It’s ruining any family thing we do, my husband has one day off a week and we fee we can’t do anything as her refusal to walk/go anywhere ruins it for all of us.

She is smart, friendly, generally well behaved at other times, no developmental/behavioural concerns otherwise.

Please help as we are at the end of our tether.

DS tried this at 4 years. He would refuse to walk if we went anywhere, but he was the youngest. We had sticker charts for all the children and we started putting stickers on the charts if they were 'big children' and walked when we went out. The older ones played along luckily and after missing out on a few stickers, DS decided to walk with us. A row of stickers in the week meant choosing an activity or treat that he liked.

@macblank that’s one of the most horrible posts I’ve read. This child is in pain, childcare in pain can run and play but walking distances is hardness for them and they know this and will refuse at the beginnng of say a 1mile work as they know it’ll hurt at some point. But they’ll play as they know they can stop as soon as it hurts.

I have a 4 year old and find the phrase "Okay, you wait there and we'll see you on the way back..." and walking off gets them moving...

THIS ^ - obviously, as another poster has suggested you keep an eye on her to ensure she's safe.

Also - don't let her run about with her friends - she stays indoors. If she complains tell her the doctor said that is what's making her legs hurt . . .

She's not only stopping the rest of you doing what you would like, she's being allowed to get to do what she wants every time.

Mae sure that if she stops you doing stuff, you stop her doing stuff, too.

Apologies for not reading the whole thread but have you had her vitamin d tested? My dad was like this but when pushed it transpired that she had pain in her heels when walking. We had her vitamin d tested and she was on the floor in terms of her levels. She was put on a really high dose - 20000 iu per day for two weeks, and it make a huge difference.

Dd not dad!

It's a perfect agree for sticker charts, marbles in a jar etc Flips it around to something positive instead of punishments, removing toys etc - which ends up miserable for everyone. Life doesn't need to be viewed as a battle of wills!

Surely when it's DHs day of he can just stick her on his shoulders or carry her? Or use an extra pushchair. Definitely worth trying a buggy board when it's just you.

My youngest had a phase like this when he started school. Just needed to be babied I think. And that's without a baby sibling in the mix as well. Didn't last long.

4vyr old and refusal to walk dont enter into my mind. Pick her up and carry her kicking and screaming from the car. Why areyou letting a baby dictate to you. Nip it in the bud before she becomes even more of a madam. LET HER WAIL. NO HARM WILL COME TO HER.

You take one hand dad takes the other and you just take her! Walking away quite often works as well but only if it’s safe. Also when you get home when she doesn’t want to walk what do you let her do? I would not be letting her do anything at all to be honest. Maybe involving her in the planning for the outing and making a picnic together. If she’s acting up cos of new arrival could you just get in the car and go out?

I was like this as a child, except I wasn't given the opportunity to not walk, as may posters on here are suggesting you do. I was told I was selfish and rude, that I was ruining everyone's lives. At 12 I was diagnosed with Hypermobility Syndrome which is a genetic condition. The pain that I was in was my hips and knees slipping out of their sockets. It doesn't impact as much when swimming because it's not weight bearing. I can move much better when I am walking at my own pace. The hardest thing is standing in one position for any length of time or walking at someone else's pace. If I have to walk quickly I can literally only walk a few steps before I am in considerable pain. I still feel very very sad and bad about myself because of all the things I was told about myself as a child - there's nothing wrong with you, you're just lazy, the world doesn't revolve around you, you are making our lives miserable, stop complaning, just get on with it, etc etc

This makes me laugh (sorry).

My sister would do this at the same age so my mum would pick her up under her arm and just march up the street with her like that.

Your DD is suffering from middle child syndrome as she's having to fight for attention and she's testing her boundaries.

She is only 4. Give her a break. Spend some 1 to 1 time but don't automatically give in every time she throws a paddy and you may want to buy a 2nd hand double buggy so when she acts up and you're out alone with her just strap her in.

She may shout and kick but she will eventually get the message.

Good luck.

OP come back! Did your DD walk today? it was very hot to be fair to her today!

Jeepers and what if the 'little madam' has any 1 of the health complaints mentioned earlier?

What if little madam who needs tough life lessons is actually medically ill?

Mummy that's so sad. People can be so unnecessarily cruel.

My solution if this was me would be put your daughter in a buggy and make her stay there if she doesn't want to walk. At least then u won't miss out neither will rest of family. She may give up then and think it's easier to walk. Kids go through phases mind don't they so may pass before you know it. Fingers crossed for u xx

My son was like this but he has hypermobility, so I just put him in the pram. Any chance of that?

We have 6 year old who does this but she does have issues that cause this however I will say I totally feel your pain it's so stressful trying to get out about with kids especially with a baby it also doesn't help when you already have your hands full with a baby and are trying to physically control a young child. She has to go where you are planning of going regardless of whether she wants to or not she doesn't then have to participate but you do have to make her go it may take a while but she will eventually get it that you are in charge and that she doesn't decide what you get to do if that means waiting it out or psyically making her move then that's what you have to do I do know that's easier said than done but I am still doing this myself and I do see an improvement everytime

I totally agree with Timandra.
She is Not giving you a hard time she is Having a hard time.
Please ensure any of the physical ailments suggested, (vitamin deficiency, hyper mobility, flat footed etc have been ruled out).
Those of you leaping in with your suggestions of various punishments, shame on you.

Honestly, I’d take her to the gp

This could well be behavioural but my friends son kept refusing to walk, his legs were hurting and she thought he was doing it to be awkward - but he was diagnosed with Leukemia. He’s fine now, thankfully recovered well. My friends son was also diagnosed with the same thing from the same symtoms. Sitting down on kerb refusing to walk. I don’t need say this to scare you. But if this is constant and not just in same place I’d get her checked out.

I’m another one who was called a lazy child but in fact I was in such a lot of pain when I tried to walk. 🙁🙁

that should be my friends brother, the second child. That was back in then 1980’s when it was much harder to cure

And can I just say that some of these comments in relation to a little girl are disgusting and unless you've been in this situation you can't really comment on squat kids act up for various reasons they're kids they're constantly learning and adapting give the woman and the kid a break

Op already said.... I know she's not in pain.... Try reading, it's a good skill!

Take a pushchair and tell her its because she's being a baby. Its certainly giving her wrong messages to let her control the family his way.

It isn't unusual for parents to miss signs of pain in small children. The same applies to sensory processing disorder, autism, anxiety and illness.

I thought my autistic DD1 was neurotypical until she was 12.

Snarky comments about reading are unnecessary and unhelpful.