4 year olds refusal to walk dictating weekends!

[Hannahlouise4026]

My dd is 5 in November.
Every weekend for the last few weeks/months have resulted in either me or my husband having to abandon whatever plan we had as a family to go home with her as she just lies down in the middle of the steeet and refuses to walk. She says her legs hurt (I know this to be a lie to get out of what she wants to do as she runs off with her friends, swims and dances ( all things she enjoys)
We also have a baby and a almost 6 year old ad well.
Examples -
• last weekend on the Sunday we decided to go to a local national trust castle with fantastic play park, and the promise of lunch. She refused to get out of the car, then rolled around in the ground. In the end my husband sat in the car with her while I took my eldest and baby to the park

•weekend before, we decided to walk to a local cafe with a little play area and get an ice lolly. A 10/15 min walk. We gave her option of using scooter if She wanted. As soon as we got to the end of our street she sat down and refused to move, begging husband to carry her.

•on Thursday we went swimming just myself and baby brother, pool is 2 minutes walk from our front door (literally can see our door from it!) and on the way back she lay on the ground and refused to walk, half an hour later, me standing beside her the whole time, she saw her friend and then ran off with her.

•today she was playing outside with her friends and as it’s a lovely day, we thought we’d take a walk to local park (10/15 min walk) got yo the end of our street and again the same thing happened. I ended up literally having to drag her back while pushing the pram. She’s now rolling around the floor, which will last for ages.

I’ve said she has to spend the next two days indoor, and no iPad/tv time. I’m not sure what other reasonable thing to suggest to stop this happening.

It’s ruining any family thing we do, my husband has one day off a week and we fee we can’t do anything as her refusal to walk/go anywhere ruins it for all of us.

She is smart, friendly, generally well behaved at other times, no developmental/behavioural concerns otherwise.

Please help as we are at the end of our tether.

Tell her you are glad to have the opportunity to go home where the family all pitches in to clean the house. Brightly inform her she’s in luck as she gets to clean the toilet. Things like that used to work well on my boy.

Try a buggy board and get dd checked out. It could be something or nothing but better safe than sorry and then consider other options either way 💐💐 for you op it's difficult being a parent sometimes

this is her exercising the little power she has to ask for the attention she needs - she is not being naughty and using authoritarian methods wont help it will just push her feelings underground. First of all take her seriously, does she really hurt then get her checked out by doctor - just in case - what if she does have a problem and is able to overcome it when she wants to rather than being willful. Ask her if she wants you as her parents to understand something, does she feel sad not being the 'baby' any more? does she feel threatened that you wont have as much time for as as before. Middle children are in a very difficult position in family hierarchy and often struggle. Try asking her what is really wrong and offering her solutions or treats if there really is no direct suffering, but don't forget psychosomatic pain is just as real and she is losing out on the treats as well - so unlikely to be 'just being difficult'.

I would suggest that perhaps she should have a medical check-up, just in case she may have some intermittent pains or subtle walking difficulties that could perhaps be corrected. I have always had some co-ordination difficulties, and know a couple of other people who do, and oddly enough running can sometimes be easier than walking to match the pace (faster or slower) than other people whom she's walking with. And some people can swim even though they can't walk at all! It occurs to me also that she might be wearing less than ideal shoes for her -maybe that could be checked. Of course, it's quite likely that she has no such problems, and is just jealous of the baby who isn't expected to walk yet, and/or of her slightly older sibling who has longer legs! In that case, I would agree with saying that she doesn't have to walk if she's not well enough, but then she has to stay in bed if she's that poorly.

If she lies down on the ground then just keep walking (if safe to do so). Don’t give into her. If her she says her legs hurt then take her to the doctors, my daughter used to moan a lot, turns out she has hypermobility and low muscle tone and was actually in pain which made walking miserable, she’s 15 now and still moans a lot when she has to walk anywhere.

If she's capable of running off to see her friends, she's not in pain. She's lording it over you. Don't let her run off to her friends if she won't walk with you, that's rewarding her for bad behaviour.

Just walk off and leave her when she sits on the ground. She'll soon get up.

Just so people who havent read the fecking thread know - the following have been suggested many, many times

1. A BUGGY BOARD
2. GETTING HER CHECKED OUT BY THE DOCTORS
3. LEAVING HER "SHE WILL SOON GET BORED" (OP HAS TRIED THIS, DIDNT WORK)

probably not this, but when I was little walking hurt me but running was fine -was a symptom of fluid on my hips which was sorted pretty quickly once my mum took me seriously and mentioned it to the docs.

Not read all the comments, but my god... WHERE IS YOUR SPINE?

slapped legs, and told to move or else... So far all your punishments are in the future, not immediately.
Leav her, or beat her to it..... You jump up n down, screaming, yelling... I don't want to, you can't make me.

Stop being embarrassed to be a bloody patent FFS.

If there is no medical reason she can't continue, drag her. Do something or come a couple years, she will be telling you to do stuff, and you'll cave in like ALWAYS.

'If she's capable of running off to see her friends, she's not in pain.' Sounds logical, but not always true. Some people find it much more tiring to walk 'in step' with others who may be either faster or slower than themselves, than to walk or even run at at their own pace. I also doubt that a child of this age is truly 'lording it over' others. They may be bored, seeking attention, or trying to get out of an activity that they don't feel like doing. None of these should be encouraged or rewarded, but best IMO not to treat it as a power struggle, which could even make it become one when it wasn't before.

Do you drive her to school? I would definately talk to her and say you really sympathise with her when she tells you her legs hurt and you think its important to go and see a doctor.Tell her that the doctor will be able to tell her if there is a problem.Follow through with this though.She then knows she cant pretend( if she is) anymore..When she tries it again try distracting her.First one to reach the...tree.lamppost etc..make up stories as u walk asking her for her input.Can she help push the pram? Try to make it fun but never give in by taking her home.Whenever she walks without comlaint go over the top with very specific praise such as'wow! You walked really well today and I think you deserve( whatever treat u think is appropriate).As a childminder I had to walk with lots of children.Distraction is Key!!

My son used to do this, given the chance he'd go in the buggy..! Turned out he had severe hyper mobility and walking more than 5/10 minutes was actually causing him pain. We are now much more conscious of his mobility issues and use a scooter now he's older which he's fine with - I often just pull him along. Might be worth investigating just to be sure.

Some stupid answers now.

Confiscate all toys, Ipads, sweets and television. See how long she lasts, plus early to bed.

I mean the ones telling the op to grow a spine etc.

My Ds did the same thing. I often carried him until he was 5 years old which I think explains why I have neck problems. After he was 5 I made him take his scooter everywhere. Then from about age 8 he has been ok but prefers to run rather than walk. I still haven't figured out exactly what the problem was/is. I think it is sensory. He cant cope with the noise of traffic, the feeling of people around him.

Stick her in the buggy ,use double rains so she can’t get out .warm her that’s what will happen,then do it
She may just be wanting to be the baby of the family again.in which case let her

Put her in a buggy and off you go

Interesting - one of mine did this for a while and she too was a middle child. This is the characteristic ploy - if I I cannot get attention by doing good things, then try something bad!

Paradoxically I think you need to deal with this by actually taking her out somewhere on her own. Let her choose where and have a great day out together, so she can build up happy associations with going out. Don't comment on former bad behaviour; make no connections with what has gone before. Then - the following weekend suggest you go there again and ask her to show the others what is there and be the one who knows it all and can be grown up.

I've read a few comments from people and agree with some.. But it does sound like she has regressed.. Only a short time thing usually.. She sees the baby constantly picked up, carried around and knows she is no longer the baby. Often thinking the baby gets more time than her. The ipad etc should be really off limits for a child that age change for jigsaws, dress up, baking etc to reward walking. Either reins or a pushchair get her to put her favourite dolly in the pushchair and she has to push her baby while you push the other baby.. If she sits down and won't walk sit down with her. I'm not into fibbing to children but may have to be tough love and let her know gran or other family member will be looking after her while you go out. Its awful family time spoilt but she's only 4 so plenty time to make up. If she carries on with the tale of sore legs withdraw activities like swimming, park running about with friends and act as if you don't want to hurt her legs anymore with her doing these activities reward good behaviour and walking with a nice treat

We ignored DS complaining of sore legs, because he was happy to whizz about on his scooter, or his bike and he loved swimming. Finally took him to the doctor when he was 5, who pointed out that all the activities he loved were non weight bearing, and the ones he complained about were weight bearing. He had to have physio and orthotic insoles. I felt really guilty, we'd thought he was just playing up for months before we finally had him checked out.

Slapped legs really.. Hands are for writing doing activities not for smacking children's legs sorry

Hi, I hope this is allowed as I am making a recommendation based upon my profession.

Tired and painful legs are not normal. And should not be ignored.
It most likely is that she is overly tired/playing up. But on the off chance that she is genuinely feeling discomfort, I highly recommend that you seek advice from a Podiatrist or Physiotherapist that specialises in paediatric lower limb. That way you can put your mind at ease.

Yes some of the answers are getting horrible now. Poor little girl. 4 is still young and infact until recent years a lot of 4 year olds wouldn't have been expected to walk so far on regular occasions. Children generally stayed close to home. If shopping needed to be done - mother's didn't drag the 4 year old along. They stayed at home with an elderly granny or the 10 year old from next door 'keeping a eye on them'. Even a nice trip to the annual town fair the family 4 year olds may have not gone if they were still at the 'too small to walk that far, too heavy to carry' stage (not all 4 year olds were like that obviously - some would of been fine). Children went to school closer to home or if they lived rural being pulled to school in a cart by an older sibling would of been considered normal and would of happened a lot. As I said - poor little girl.

I used to babysit a child like this. Everywhere we went. She would refuse to move. I used to say everytime " right I am going now , bye" and walk off. She would nearly always follow me. But it was stressful, and always a big worry too me - I didn't want to walk too far and to let her out of sight.