4 year olds refusal to walk dictating weekends!

[Hannahlouise4026]

My dd is 5 in November.
Every weekend for the last few weeks/months have resulted in either me or my husband having to abandon whatever plan we had as a family to go home with her as she just lies down in the middle of the steeet and refuses to walk. She says her legs hurt (I know this to be a lie to get out of what she wants to do as she runs off with her friends, swims and dances ( all things she enjoys)
We also have a baby and a almost 6 year old ad well.
Examples -
• last weekend on the Sunday we decided to go to a local national trust castle with fantastic play park, and the promise of lunch. She refused to get out of the car, then rolled around in the ground. In the end my husband sat in the car with her while I took my eldest and baby to the park

•weekend before, we decided to walk to a local cafe with a little play area and get an ice lolly. A 10/15 min walk. We gave her option of using scooter if She wanted. As soon as we got to the end of our street she sat down and refused to move, begging husband to carry her.

•on Thursday we went swimming just myself and baby brother, pool is 2 minutes walk from our front door (literally can see our door from it!) and on the way back she lay on the ground and refused to walk, half an hour later, me standing beside her the whole time, she saw her friend and then ran off with her.

•today she was playing outside with her friends and as it’s a lovely day, we thought we’d take a walk to local park (10/15 min walk) got yo the end of our street and again the same thing happened. I ended up literally having to drag her back while pushing the pram. She’s now rolling around the floor, which will last for ages.

I’ve said she has to spend the next two days indoor, and no iPad/tv time. I’m not sure what other reasonable thing to suggest to stop this happening.

It’s ruining any family thing we do, my husband has one day off a week and we fee we can’t do anything as her refusal to walk/go anywhere ruins it for all of us.

She is smart, friendly, generally well behaved at other times, no developmental/behavioural concerns otherwise.

Please help as we are at the end of our tether.

There is obviously something she is tryIng to communicate - honeymoon period of the new baby wearing off, exerting autonomy, control etc. These are valid and important feelings/needs.

I agree. There's quite an adjustment IMO when a new baby is on the scene and she might be trying to express something that she doesn't have words for, right now.

I recall being at a National Trust park when our granddaughter did this, her parents said OK, stay there, and walked on, we sneaked behind a tree near her, she actually sat there for almost an hour!

I just used to drag my child behind me. She got up.

@lumpy76 As a Mum of 8 children I'd say....

You are my hero lumpy!

Sling the baby and stick her in the buggy. There is no point punishing it by keeping her indoors for days on end because that punishes the whole family and you'll just resent her for it.
Agree she ought to be seen by a medical professional though.

This is what mum used to do if one of us did that - she'd walk away and say, "All right, I'll leave you there then, goodbye," and they'd soon get up and follow.

This sounds tough though, doesn't it? Plus you'd have to make sure you were nowhere near a busy road, etc etc because of the dangers.

Mum had brought up five children and wasn't a soft touch.

I agree with the walking off. But maybe just get her checked with the gp to make sure. and I would also mention this to her as a possibility..! Perhaps it might get the truth out of her. Good luck!

Can u maybe get someone to babysit her and enjoy some time without her then tell her how much fun you have all had I'm sure she would change her mind and start asking to come

My grandson tried this on around the same age. He would just keep asking his dad to carry him when we were out anywhere and just sitting down and refusing to move when he wasn't picked up. We eventually solved it by all of us his sisters, his dad and us all running away and hiding - keeping an eye on him of course. Sometimes it would be at least ten minutes before he started to panic and start looking for us. The other tactic that worked was for one of us to go off with his sisters and come back to him with the girls eating ice cream or some other treat. Whrn he started his 'where's mine' tantrum, we just shrugged and said 'little boys who don't walk don't get anything.' It honestly didn't take long for him to stop the refusing to move and now he's seven and a smashing little lad.

Have you asked her (when sat at home) what the problem is?

If she says pain, get her to explain what and where. You can ask her how she is able to do other things, too.

She's nearly 5 and as you said, smart and generally well behaved. Talk to her.

The walking off thing never worked with my son. I ended up having to carry him loads of times. He finally saw occupational therapy when he was 6 and it turns out he has hypermobility. Does your daughter have very flexible joints or complain of pain in her legs?

My instinct would be to walk away and if she refuses to get out of car, pick her up and place her outside. It sounds like whatever she is doing is working for her! So she will keep doing it.

Be sensitive as it sounds like new baby envy but she can't be allowed to dictate to the whole family as that's not fair or healthy. And she does have to learn that you have 3 dc now not 2.

I would go with the if she can't walk she is ill, ill people go to and stay in bed - no entertainment and removal of all entertainment in room. I would also get a buggy she can fit in and put her in it like a baby, if she wants to get out remind her her legs don't work.

To be honest I would have sat her down and given all this as what would happen if things continued as they were. It was not acceptable behaviour and it was naughty behaviour to act like this given there are people in the world who don't have a choice about walking or not.

It is poor behaviour that has got out of hand - she needs to learn consequences

Sorry, crap parenting, a 5 year old with an i-pad? You are letting her rule the roost. Take her home put her to bed and make her stay there, although by the sound of you you'd probably let her up after ten minutes. Start leaving her with some one you trust and tell her you are taking her sibblings on a nice walk to the park with goodies after and she is not going as she always spoils it by not wanting to walk, see what happens then. Also the next time she kicks off tell her that the next time she wants to go out and play with her friends that she is not allowed out. Have some back bone you are the parent not the very spoilt child, that you obviously have.

I haven't read all the comments but what about a scooter?

I'd take her to the gp to have a check up. My kids have hypermobile joints and they hate walking. It's hard to know when they are genuinely in pain and when they've just had enough. They wear orthotic insoles which have helped massively. It is probably worth ruling something like this out.
I'd definitely recommend a buggy board. My son is the same age as your daughter and he has the option of walking or going on the buggy board.
I am hoping when he starts school he will just walk and not want his friends to see him on the buggy board.

Next time ignore whatever she does even if she lays down in the road, she will soon get the message.

All these “just walk off” comments!!

1. This child seems incredibly stubborn. Walking off will mean bugger all to her I suspect. She will just make herself comfortable and ride it out OR she will attempt something dangerous which will mean you will have to get involved and she will have called your bluff OR she will just start strolling in the opposite direction and again she will have called your bluff

1. Waiting around behind a tree or wherever.... for how long? And with other young children? Simply not realistic

Op - you need to get seriously cross. She is spoiling things for the family and in a very purposeful manner.

So... favourite toy. Binned.
Ice cream treat for everyone. None for her
Special treat for eldest - film and popcorn kind of thing. Nope not her. She goes to bed early.

That kind if thing. Essentially identify what is important to her - and bin or remove it.

First hint of her backing down - you are incredibly positive and forgiving. She needs to know that there is a way out of this mess and you will be waiting for her with open arms.

She will learn soon enough

I second getting her checked for hypermobility. Yea, she could be just playing up, but best to rule this out - you would feel terrible if you found there was a genuine reason she’s reluctant to walk. I had this problem as a child, and I wasn’t believed, which was horrible.

what about a scooter (freeride?)buggy board?..i dont know,but possibly may just require a clip on thing to attach scooter..obviously will add to the pushin weight..and isnt quite walking..she'd have to stand and if the 6yr old brings skooter too..she might be tempted to freedom to scoot??eventually..

Buggy board an option?

My son also 4 is a little like this. he is the youngest of three so still sits in buggy if we walking a long way. However I have found vanishing round the corner with the two older ones usually gets him moving. Though last time his sisters 'felt sorry for him' and went back for him so I will have to speak to them about that!! He also likes going on buses. and scooter. You have to insist she walks sometimes - buggy board sounds good option as you have a baby. Unless you willing to get a double buggy but he is getting a bit old for buggy we going to ditch ours soon.

Double buggy and strap her in when she doesn’t want to walk

Why would you allow her to play with friends after having a strop - that wouldn’t happen

Hi OP, so many responses already but I just wanted to sympathise because my DD used to do this at age 4 too. She became so difficult about leaving other children’s houses after a play date I stopped accepting invitation because of the embarrassing scene at home time. We drove away once (thinking that’ll teach her) but she didn’t care and ran off to play leaving me feeling like the most negligent parent ever. I tried putting her in the pushchair but she rammed her feet into the wheels so hard I was afraid she’d hurt herself and had to push her along on the back wheels like a wheel barrow (). For whatever reason as soon as she started school she stopped - I think she got bored at nursery and didn’t have enough to think about, also she’s stubborn by nature and has a huge amount of self control. She’s absolutely lovely now aged 7!

Please take her to the doctors and just get them to check her legs.

Everything you wrote was me as a child, I was label lazy and difficult. Fast forward to being 26 and I was seeing a consultant for something and they said, 'you do know that your hyper mobile' - it explained all my childhood problems. To physically look at me, you can't spot that I have any problems at all.

She may well just be being difficult, but I know how guilty my parents now feel for just not getting it checked.