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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be outraged and despairing at the emboldened racist idiocy around us these days?

173 replies

daffalicious · 24/08/2019 15:02

Today I ran to catch my bus which pulled off as I reached the stop.
Annoying but I was then first alone at the stop waiting for the next. By the time the bus arrived there were other people waiting too but I hadn't paid much attention to anyone as I was first in line near the bus stop post (no shelter).
As I stepped onto the bus a white woman grabbed the hood of my raincoat and yanked me backwards saying loudly 'we queue in this country you know'. I turned completely bewildered and did not see any look of sympathy in the faces of few people gathered.
I was so shocked and said 'what are you talking about I was here first. I missed the last bus' I clearly have an English accent. But all faces remained passive and everyone got on the bus. A young black kid at the back gestured for me to get on before him.
And so then I sat on the bus burning with hot tears and lump in my throat. Wondering what on earth has gone wrong with people in this country. Trying to make sense of it and feeling humiliated and disgusted.
The driver had seen but made no comment or gesture of sympathy.
I am a white English woman in 40s. With dark brown hair no tan at all but have absolutely no idea what nationality the woman assumed I was. I'm horrified at seeing first hand what happens in these situations. Once the woman had spoken to me like that it appeared the other people assumed there was just cause. I was being reprimanded for being a rude foreigner and no one had a problem with it.

I am really upset freaked out and disgusted. I keep thinking imagine if my kids had been with me. It was so humiliating. My heart is racing and I feel nauseous just writing all this.
I feel sick for everyone considered a foreigner. I'm angry that some people seem to have returned to attitudes of the 1970s.
I don't know what to do with all this.
What do mumsnet make of it?

OP posts:
TabbyMumz · 24/08/2019 18:11

I don't think this was racist, just a phrase she's used.

OhLeaveMeBe4GS · 24/08/2019 18:12

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Jinglejanglefish · 24/08/2019 18:20

Wow, white woman rude to another white woman and it's racist. That is some next level MN ridiculousness.

It's just a phrase. She was rude and aggressive, and if you say you'd be brave enough to step in if you saw similar happening then surely you're brave enough to stand up for yourself

Backtothenewme · 24/08/2019 18:25

@jingle...racism is not about colour its about race. For example Eastern Europeans are white but they still experience racism in this country.

Backtothenewme · 24/08/2019 18:29

Op you had a taste of what its loke to be racially abused. It is horrible. If I were there i would at least have asked you if you were ok and tried to comfort you. Some people are ignorant and nasty. Most people are good. Don't let the fools take up your energy. Onwards and upwards keep being a good person FlowersSmile

TabbyMumz · 24/08/2019 18:31

I don't think It was about colour or race, and the only thing she perceived the op to be, was a queue jumper. It's a phrase, nothing to do with race.

ElleDubloo · 24/08/2019 18:32

“we queue in this country, you know”

Yes I’d definitely take that phrase to be racist. It’s saying, “in the country you’re from, people aren’t civilised enough to queue”.

It’s also ironic. By saying something like that, she’s demonstrating that she’s ruder and more ignorant than anyone else present.

It’s horrible to have that directed at you, OP. I’ve heard similar things (I’m visibly ethnic) and it always makes me feel upset and humiliated.

OhLeaveMeBe4GS · 24/08/2019 18:33

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Songsofexperience · 24/08/2019 18:46

I don't think this was racist, just a phrase she's used.

But casual racism is exactly that, 'Just phrases people use'.

Kublai · 24/08/2019 18:48

What a horrible experience, definitely tell your partner or a friend as that will help a bit. I think often people don’t say anything because they think that the person dishing out the abuse might be crazy and/or carrying a weapon.

Di1979 · 24/08/2019 18:49

You let her get away with it and showed that poor kid that white people with attitude will have their way. Good job!

OhLeaveMeBe4GS · 24/08/2019 18:59

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SierraNevada · 24/08/2019 18:59

That’s awful. And I agree that since the referendum some people feel it gives them a mandate to come out with the racist shit they’d been previously keeping to themselves.

I am white skinned but am not of English heritage and I don’t look at all English. I was born here and have lived here all my life and have experienced racism at work and in some social settings. It’s shit and if I saw anyone subjected to the comment you received I’d have told the woman to stop right there. I have stood up for a few people on my bus route who were being shit by a driver purely on the grounds of colour/race. It is totally unacceptable. I hope you’re ok.

SierraNevada · 24/08/2019 19:00

Who were being given shit by the driver I should have said.

MarshaBradyo · 24/08/2019 19:05

Sounds awful but don’t waste time on imagining she thought you were from another country, it might not be the case

Sparklesocks · 24/08/2019 19:05

That’s terrible, what a nasty thing to say - and to physically grab your hood too! What a nasty cow

PurpleHedges · 24/08/2019 19:11

Wow! So much ignorance! Ok, get lost in semantics, it was definitely xenophobia and bigotry. If you say what this woman said, you are a BIGOT. There, take your tiara, and feel better that you are a BIGOT but not a RACIST. If you think people from other countries do not face prejudice in the UK than please educate yourself. I remember not too long after the Brexit vote many Polish people we knew were attacked. Letters were put in their letterbox telling them to leave. Complete bullshit! Stop with this "iT's NOt RaCIsT" crap. It's just as insidious and has the same sentiment, so take your semantics and your racism and shove it up your arseholes.

MaxNormal · 24/08/2019 19:18

Of course it was racist! Ffs. OP may be white British but the woman didn't perceive her as such.
And as for "standing up for yourself", something like that is a total shock. Victim blaming nastiness.

Goingbacktokansascity · 24/08/2019 19:23

I feel for you. Ethnic minority but British born and raised and HATE how people think they can get away with blatant racism. It’s a difficult situation, I work in healthcare and have people be inadvertently racist constantly “you speak fantastic English” no shit, PhD level educated and born here you tosser. Sometimes I just smile and nod because generally they mean no harm and I don’t have enough fucks, depending on what else is going on sometimes I flip out.

OhLeaveMeBe4GS · 24/08/2019 19:28

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ElleDubloo · 24/08/2019 19:32

@Goingbacktokansascity I work in healthcare and have people be inadvertently racist constantly “you speak fantastic English” no shit, PhD level educated and born here you tosser

OMG, snap! Grin

Then follows the questions about my country of origin and how their daughter-in-law once worked for a year in a city on that continent. I know they’re trying to make conversation, but it’s soooo ignorant.

CoolWivesClub2019 · 24/08/2019 19:32

Wow, white woman rude to another white woman and it's racist. That is some next level MN ridiculousness

This. Your handwringing over this incident and likening it to racism is fairly sickening tbh and an insult to anyone that’s actually suffered racism.

ElleDubloo · 24/08/2019 19:34

@CoolWivesClub2019 This. Your handwringing over this incident and likening it to racism is fairly sickening tbh and an insult to anyone that’s actually suffered racism.

No it’s not.

It’s quite refreshing and I feel solidarity with OP.

NoTheresa · 24/08/2019 19:35

It was racist because of the “in this country” part. Sorry you had to suffer this behaviour OP.

MaxNormal · 24/08/2019 19:41

This. Your handwringing over this incident and likening it to racism is fairly sickening tbh and an insult to anyone that’s actually suffered racism

No it isn't. She was the victim of a racist assault. The attacker perceived her to be foreign.