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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sister-in-Law’s locked room

268 replies

TerracottaDream · 24/08/2019 14:50

A couple of years ago brother was let down by a babysitter so I volunteered. Niece and nephew went to bed I made a cup of tea and went to go in the front room but the room was locked. I realised that I had never been in that room and that evening was the first time I had been upstairs. No issues but when they came back sister-in-law hoped I had been comfortable. I mentioned the front room and she said visitors were not allowed in there. I imagined it was because it was messy. I made a little joke and forgot about it.
Been a few times since then. We always sit in the kitchen. Went over for lunch over Christmas holidays sat in kitchen (a very nice one with sofas) had a lovely meal and brother suggests we move into other room again SiL says guests aren’t allowed, again I make a little joke about being used to mess.
Today I texted to say I would drop off niece’s birthday present and leave it in porch but when I got there brother was in well we went in front room- it’s like something out of the bloody Ideal Home Show!!! She clearly didn’t want me and DH in there (even when our kids aren’t with us) !
I am really pissed off( yes I know it’s her fucking house!!!) my friend and I just met accidentally in Starbucks and she is pissing herself laughing at me. AIBU?

OP posts:
Harls1969 · 25/08/2019 19:24

Her house, her rules but she sounds like she has some issues. She can't help that so just be grateful she is just a bit anal over one room, not the whole house

Hiredandsqueak · 25/08/2019 19:28

I knew a family whose children weren't allowed in the living room at all because it was all white. Wouldn't have been so bad if there had been a family room but there wasn't so every evening and all weekend the dc would be either in the kitchen or in their rooms whilst ever parents were in the living room. It's not as if they were small they were coming up to eleven then and had never been allowed in.

reginafelangee · 25/08/2019 19:44

Sounds totally weird to me

Nickersnackersnockers · 25/08/2019 20:05

I think she has OCD and should get some help for it. To have a best room is one thing, but to have it locked is over the top, unless she fosters children maybe?

If she does foster children then it is essential to have at least a locked bedroom!

DuckonaBike · 25/08/2019 20:16

I think Betty has it right - it used to be a sex dungeon and this is the cover up.

Either that or she's just really weird (though weird in a different way from someone who has a sex dungeon).

glennamy · 25/08/2019 20:20

Damn, I was hoping it was going to be some sort of sex dungeon... :) A 'best' room like this was common back in the day, they are lucky they have enough room. If the kitchen is big enough to take guests then it's their fortune, it is their house after all...

FelicisNox · 25/08/2019 20:20

You're being totally unreasonable.

What right do you have to be pissed off precisely? It IS her house and she has every right to decide who goes where.

Back in the day, the front room was only ever for best and we have a similar situation. That's why my sofas look almost new after 10 years.

You're jealous because her room looks so good. That's what this is really about.

shiningstar2 · 25/08/2019 20:33

Haha op your post did make me smile Smile Usually I've found that if people are lucky enough to have an extra sitting room it has all the best furniture ect. the family can afford in there and it is kept for visitors, special occasions or maybe the adults in the family as well. I must admit I have never heard of keeping guests out of the best room in the house, usually quite the reverse. I must admit I would love an extra room I could always show visitors into knowing it would always be pristine. No more being caught on the hop with the house a tip Grin. It would have to be an extra room though. I like my comfort too much to sit in the kitchen just to keep it looking good. I think I am with you in feeling a bit insulted if you've been kind enough to babysit but kept out of the best room while you do it. Flowers

melj1213 · 25/08/2019 20:46

Why are you so desperate to sit in the good front room? As long as there is a good level of hosting when you are there what does it matter that you're in the kitchen? If they had no other entertaining space then I could see being annoyed that they didn't let you into their sitting room but if they have another "regular use" space then there is no reason why they can't keep a space just for them in their own home.

My parents have good front room that is only opened at Christmas and special occasions and usually is reserved for adults. Tbh I just forget that the room is there most of the time because they have a TV room that runs the length of the back of the house and is the every day sitting room.

It has comfy sofas, big TV, toyboxes for the grandkids and leads out to the garden; into the kitchen (handy for making drinks/snacks) and dining room (doors fold back so it's a huge area for parties) and into the utility room (with downstairs bathroom and the side entrance).

During special occassions/Christmas my parents always host as they have the biggest house (and we are a big family) so the good front room is opened up so that older family members (generally grandparents and great aunts/uncles) have somewhere quieter to go if all the younger family members are making too much noise/playing games etc and they just want to have a conversation.

GetUpAgain · 25/08/2019 20:48

This thread makes me miss my nana, we only ever went in her front room when a new baby was brought to visit. Met so many of my cousins for the first time in that special room and it's where I took my first baby to meet my grandparents.

Beanie3 · 25/08/2019 21:25

Ah give the poor girl a break. She most probably is one of these driven women who just about managed to keep on top of the super clean and tidy home that she likes you to believe is nothing like hard work. However just by having to add one more room to her cleaning regime would likely push her over the edge. Think how tiring it must be.

stayathomer · 25/08/2019 22:27

Do you not just think it's that it's only for guests but family aren't guests they're family? Or is it like the poster above that suggested about the red wine, are you like Hyacinth Bucket's friend, who always spilt the tea/dropped the good China?!

Dylaninthemovies1 · 25/08/2019 22:27

We have 3 public rooms downstairs. We fully use all of them and tend to keep the doors open to all rooms downstairs when we have guests (usually all guests are people with small children and I like them having lots of room to play). But the people before us only used the back room as their sitting room. The two front rooms were their posh lounge and dining room, which I understand they only really used on high days and holidays.

Girlmeetsbook · 25/08/2019 22:46

This is definitely an 'only on mumsnet' are YBU. In real life I haven't encountered the 'best room' thing since the 1980's and it was dying out then. It's a bit unusual and would probably get a snigger/eyebrow raise from me. It's not the same as a study/bedroom being off limits at all and clearly your DB didn't know the 'rules' either else why would he suggest sitting in it! So really YANBU but because this is mumsnet you are most likely an entitled CF and your SIL should LTB 😂

phoenixrosehere · 25/08/2019 23:17

Even weirder to bar a room against your own family and in effect say "This is the naice room; scum like you aren't allowed in there. I won't have riff raff like you sitting on my best furniture".

Wow. Way to put words in OP’s SIL’s mouth. We have no idea about what OP SIL’s thinks of her other than not allowing her or others in one room in the whole house. Also it says her brother let her in the room so obviously he doesn’t need a pass if they were able to sit in it hence her finding out what is inside. OP didn’t say if SIL knew that she went in if SIL wasn’t there.

All those who say it's not unreasonable of the SIL, by all means have a room like that and bar me from it if you want, but first give me a damn good reason why that doesn't boil down to "You're riff raff, keep out"

Why would you need to know? The door is locked. Why does someone have to unlock a door in their own home just so you can see inside of it, especially when there are other available nice areas to sit. It is none of your business. Plus, SIL did give her an answer and OP accepted it due to her own assumptions over it. She’s only mad because she doesn’t like the reason now that she’s been in.

Fizzypoo · 25/08/2019 23:20

@Nickersnackersnockers so all children who are fostered are thieves are they? And no child birthed out of a mother has ever stole anything Hmm what an awful thing to say.

GrimSisters · 25/08/2019 23:29

My ex in laws had a room in their flat like that - I called it the VIP room. 40 year old sofas still wrapped in plastic that had never been sat on, a beautifully polished dresser, pristine parquet, a fire that was never lit and a dining table that had never been sat at. All meals taken in the little room attached to the kitchen, the telly was in there and they'd sit in the dark on hard wooden chairs to watch it.
I imagine the only time the dining table will get used is when they lay the nasty old fucker (ex FIL) out on it and well wishers come to pay their respects.
I think having a room 'for best' is can sometimes be a cultural southern Mediterranean/catholic thing.

Roozy123 · 25/08/2019 23:37

YABU

MirrorHope · 25/08/2019 23:39

Was totally waiting for the red room lol! At least with a swing attached to the roof ha ha

Watchingthyme · 25/08/2019 23:56

Is this what common people do?

Krisskrosskiss · 26/08/2019 00:04

Yabu
Its weird yeah but it's up to her it's her house. Maybe she just wants it to always be completely pristine so she can relax in there herself.
If their kitchen is big enough to have sofas and is comfortable to relax in I dont see your issue really.
I mean yeah I'd think 'that's a bit odd, shes a bit eccentric' but I'd not be angry... why are you angry?

cakeandchampagne · 26/08/2019 00:17

It is unusual, but I wouldn’t have a problem with it.

ElleMac44 · 26/08/2019 05:41

U love in a 3 story townhouse, ground floor has kitchen with sofas, tv, sideboard, fire and also a conservatory with dining table, all our guests use this, our lounge is on the middle floor, very small, so I've made this for our family who live here only, the only person who goes in there other than dh and kids is my best friend when she stays, I don't see anything wrong in it at all, as long as guests have a comfy place to relax. Bit disappointed it was a sex den though lol

ElleMac44 · 26/08/2019 05:42

I live in

saraclara · 26/08/2019 05:47

So most people here wouldn't be offended when visiting a sibling, to be told that, 'no we can't go in that room, it's not for guests'?

I can't begin to imagine saying such a thing in front of any of my in law relatives. Or letting a spouse say that to my own sibling.