Update: moved in with partner..he got fired and expects me to pay the bills..

[Beachball32]

Hi all,

I posted last week and got some brilliant advice- it’s certainly made me see things in a different light.

Basically, I moved in with my partner of 12 months three months ago. He has a rented council flat and I’ve made it a home (buying furniture etc). He got fired because of his attitude/sick days a couple of weeks ago and is now stony broke. He’s had a few jobs since I met him but he’s quit or been fired..he refuses to work past 5pm and thinks we shouldn’t have to work at all as it’s no life. He decided he wanted to do a course via the job centre so he can get a job earning more money but that has been cancelled. He has to wait for a couple of months to start it.
So he’s got no money whatsoever. I have just finalised a really long divorce battle and been given a settlement. I’ve got a lump sum but haven’t told him how much. The emotional trauma has hit me hard and I’ve taken some time to adjust. My partner has been really nice to me- supportive, cooking and waiting on me hand and foot. However he doesn’t seem to be looking for work. I’ve got enough money to start a new life...upping sticks and starting afresh somewhere (by the coast maybe)...either that or investing my money in this relationship (for example he has no carpets so I need to pay for them..he also wants a bigger expensive settee).
I feel under such financial pressure to provide for us- I’m tempted to take my money and run but am terrified of the unknown. AIBU to think he’s a sponger? He does everything for me (running baths, making me daily smoothies, keeping my coffee cup topped up) since my settlement but doesn’t have a penny so I’m paying for everything..

So he wants new carpets and a bigger sofa for the price of a few smoothies, coffee top-ups and a hot bath.....?

You'd be a fool to spend a single penny on this man.
He is a scrounger.

he refuses to work past 5pm and thinks we shouldn’t have to work at all as it’s no life.

Why on earth are you with this idiot?

He has started fawning over you since he found out about your settlement?

Make sure your money is locked down and run like a bat out of hell.

Op has had her answer; but she wants a diferent one!

Please don't let him put his hands of any part of your settlement! That is your future. I don't suppose he objects to making smoothies, coffee etc., as that is much easier than going to work!!! Why on earth should you pay for carpets. Keep that money for your own home.

Run OP.

You know that's what he will do the second that all of your money is spent on him and gone.

I think OP just wants the attention.

It seems to add to her childish fantasy that it’s ‘them against the world’.

She’s using Mumsnet to fulfill that.

Take your money and run!

You're getting a rough time here op & I'd like to be a bit softer. The ink's only just dry on your financial settlement. It's way too soon to be settling down with someone new. Give yourself a year or two of independent living first with the chance to meet someone your equal. We need to heal the old wounds & learn from them first or we just repeat the same old shit with a new man.

No different to these older women who run off with someone abroad and wonder why it goes wrong.
There’s nothing like an old mug with money for bringing the piss takers in.
What ya going to do when the money has gone,he chucks you out and you haven’t got a pot to piss in.
You got money,that is all you got going for you as far as he is concerned.Thats all he wants.
Grow up wise up and stop wasting everyone’s time.This wasn’t an update,you are still a mug

sheshootssheimplores Sat 24-Aug-19 12:33:38 Fucking hell!!!! Run like your arse is on fire OP.

THIS⬆️💯%

Run x

So you divorced an abuser and are now with a gamling, drug addict, abusive cocklodger?

How do you think this is ever a good idea. This man has a whole village fete's worth of red flag bunting festooned about him but you choose to ignore and want to carpet his flat?

FGS run like the wind - I will lend you my trainers. And when you get there keep running and find some counselling for yourself to work out why the hell you put up with such shitty relationships.

Run

Of course he’s being nice to you, making you coffee and running you nice hot baths (and not making any effort to look for work) ..... he can see his meal ticket arriving any day now.

For goodness sake get the hell out of there with your dignity and bank account intact.

You’ve set the price of your dignity and independent at a daily smoothie and coffee top-ups?

Serious.

That’s pathetic. Stop letting yourself be taken for a ride.

He's pulling his weight with the housework, meals etc so all o/p has to do is work and be looked after.

Ok there's no kids, but no different to a SAHM.

What a load of shite., especially the last sentence. Just because some women hold onto this ridiculous, out-dated, sexist nonsense of being a kept housekeeper, doesn't make it right for a man either. If there are young kids of course it's completely different. In the absence of small children, unless their home is the size of Downton Abbey they're taking the piss. Keeping a typical small home for 2 adults is not a fulltime job, not even close.

You need to leave while you still have your settlement. Be prepared for many promises to change, grand romantic gestures etc as he won’t want to lose his meal ticket.

Run run run run run. You are making excuses for him. By refusing to accept what is as plain as the nose on your face you are heading for disaster. You have escaped one shit relationship and jumping straight into another. Just wake up and smell the coffee then leave.

Run now the second you have done everything he wants he will change. His sucking up because he sees££££ signs. Tell him it was a very small amount and you have invested it in an isa that you cannot touch for x years or into bonds or something. See his reaction. I guarantee once the money is spent on what his flat needs and he has a job not needing your cash or your cash is gone he changes and you find your self leaving with nothing.

Run. Sooner or later, you’ll realise this is the only option really. It’s inevitable. Why not do it now rather than wait until you no longer have this opportunity and the finances? You must know the future with this man is not a good one.

If you don't run you'll be on here again in a few months complaining that all the money has gone.

My god! I nearly married a man just like this. Thank fuck I didnt.

After me, he found 3 more women to sponge off before he convinced the last one to marry him.

He only loves what you can give him. If you had nothing, you wouldnt see him for dust.

After going through a divorce you would think you learnt something from that. Is taking him on really worth smoothies and coffee top ups?

I am guessing op wont come back.

No one is telling her that he does live her and this is perfectly fine.

My dp has made me 3 coffees this morning. Also manages to hold a job down.

Of course he wants a bigger sofa. So he can lay his lazy arse on it while you go out to the nasty old world of work to support him.

I try not to be harsh to people on MN, but seriously grow up. If someone topped up my coffee or made me a smoothie I'd just say thanks, not give them access to my bank account.