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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Asking partner's boss for time off. WIBU?

170 replies

Andromeida59 · 24/08/2019 08:44

Hello, my DP's birthday is in a few weeks. For his birthday, I am planning a trip away during the working week at the end of November.

Yesterday, I emailed my DP's manager asking if it would be possible for him to have the time off.

DP's manager is very friendly. In his area they don't book off days with HR, they just take leave when they want. I found the email address online as it is a public facing address. I told him that I hadn't booked it and wanted to know if it would be OK to do so.

He responded immediately saying that it was fine and wishing DP a nice time. I booked it off as my DP may be anxious about being able to have the time off.

I'm now worrying that I've really overstepped a boundary. He's been with his work for a decade and I've never done anything like this before.

WIBU?

OP posts:
frizzattack · 24/08/2019 08:46

Is it a surprise trip then?

WillowKnicks · 24/08/2019 08:47

YWNBU & the boss's response indicates that he doesn't think you were either!

31RueCambon · 24/08/2019 08:47

I don't think they'll be allowed discuss that with you, due to GDPR, even if it's a small privately run company.

LoisLittsLover · 24/08/2019 08:47

That would be fine in my workplace, not a problem at all.

CloudsCanLookLikeSheep · 24/08/2019 08:47

I think it's a nice thing to do as a surprise. I work in hr and have seen this happen before when someone wants to take a partner away as a surprise. But only you know what your partner is like and whether he'll see this as a nice surprise or controlling.

TinyGhostWriter · 24/08/2019 08:48

Only you know your husband and if it’s something he would like.

Are you going to give him advance notice so he can plan his work around the holiday?

IceRebel · 24/08/2019 08:49

I wouldn't want someone else deciding when I have time off, even if it's to go on a holiday. I'm very surprised his boss authorised it, you could be anyone, and I would have thought due to privacy reasons it wouldn't be possible.

ShirleyPhallus · 24/08/2019 08:49

I think it depends on the workplace but for mine, there is a blanket no on that. It’s because they want employees to choose their own holiday rather than risk upsetting employees by giving them time off they may not want. Potentially abusive relationships could exploit it otherwise.

Sounds like the boss in this situation was fine though so enjoy yourself

lostfrequencies · 24/08/2019 08:49

I think that's a lovely thing to do OP, not odd at all.

Original poster
Andromeida59 · 24/08/2019 08:52

It is a surprise trip. He's been having a difficult time recently (not work related) and I wanted to do something nice for him. It's his birthday in a couple of weeks so he'll know then.

It wouldn't be a GDPR issue. I'm also a manager, if anyone requested the same I wouldn't have an issue at all.

OP posts:
minibroncs · 24/08/2019 08:53

Personally I would absolutely hate somebody doing that to me, but I'm not your husband so I don't know how he would feel.

Greyhound22 · 24/08/2019 08:57

It's absolutely fine.

I'm a manager and I would just pencil it in - at the end of the day if they don't want it it can just be crossed out - it can where I work anyway. I would just ask after their birthday if they were pleased about the trip and double check the dates with them to make sure it's their choice. It's isn't against GDPR at all - I know all of my staff's partners and I would just be marking possible holiday down. There's no need for drama.

Original poster
Andromeida59 · 24/08/2019 08:58

It's also at the end of November so there's over three months notice. The policy in my DP's workplace is that they're free to take off whatever time they want as long as the manager is given notice.

This is not something I would do again. I also know that DP does not have anytime booked off between now and the end of the year.

If the manager had messaged back to say that it was against protocol/GDPR, I would have thanked him for making me aware and then got DP to book the time off.

OP posts:
user1493494961 · 24/08/2019 08:58

Overstepping and a bit controlling really.

Idontwanttotalk · 24/08/2019 08:58

"I booked it off as my DP may be anxious about being able to have the time off."
At first I thought it may have been a special birthday and a surprise for your DP and, while I wouldn't have done it, I didn't think it was particularly bad to do. (Be better if you'd just checked that potentially he could so that when he asked the answer would be yes).

Then, when you said it was just because your DP may be anxious about being able to have time off, I did an about turn. Even if DP suffers crippling anxiety (not saying he does) it is not down to you to run his life for him. It sounds controlling to be honest.

"I'm now worrying that I've really overstepped a boundary."
Yes, you definitely have.

tttigress · 24/08/2019 08:59

It's a nice idea, I think it depends on the company. For example at some huge company, even if you were friendly with your partner's boss it would not be possible, as the employee has to ask for time off in a specific online system.

tttigress · 24/08/2019 09:02

Actually, re-reading some of the comments, so this isn't a special surprise? You are just doing it because your partner might be anxious about requesting time off work?

That is a bit strange.

ChelseaCat · 24/08/2019 09:02

I don’t see a problem - the manager has provisionally authorised the leave, surely if OP’s DP didn’t want to take the days off, he would just go into work?!
There’s defo no GDPR issue 🙄

CustardCreamLover · 24/08/2019 09:05

@idontwanttotalk really?!

If you read OPs update you'll see that it is his birthday in a few weeks and he'll know then that she's done it. They aren't going away until November so actually it isn't controlling at all because he can always say that he doesnt want to go. You must live in a very strange world were doing something like this would upset you. I actually feel a little sorry for you.

@OP I think it's a lovely idea especially as your DP is having a hard time at the moment.

coldlighthappier · 24/08/2019 09:07

There’s no GDPR issue.. the OP said it was a surprise trip, some people need to get a grip

Original poster
Andromeida59 · 24/08/2019 09:08

It is a special surprise as his manager has authorised the time I've been able to book flights/hotel and concert tickets. The anxiety I spoke about was more that DP might feel he couldn't enjoy the initial surprise because he didn't know if he could get the time off but he has it pencilled in.

At my workplace it wouldn't be possible we have to log everything through an online system. His workplace do not do this. I don't even think leave is tracked.

Again, it is controlling in that I want to organise a special surprise for him. I just wanted to do something out of the ordinary for him.

OP posts:
KUGA · 24/08/2019 09:09

What a lovely thing to do.good for you.
And good for the company in allowing you to do it.
Have a wonderfull time and I hope it helps with whatever problems he`s had.

Shopkinsdoll · 24/08/2019 09:09

How can it be controlling? Get a grip! I wonder about about people on this site sometimes. It’s a surprise break and was checking with her husbands boss. What’s wrong with that?

topcat2014 · 24/08/2019 09:09

GDPR is the new Health & Safey - so no issue there.

My workplace would have no problem with this.

BeyondMyWits · 24/08/2019 09:09

I would hate it. Controlling and overstepping that boundary between work and private life.

But you know what your partner would feel, so if they are generally happy with surprises etc, I guess it would be ok.

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