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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Asking partner's boss for time off. WIBU?

170 replies

Andromeida59 · 24/08/2019 08:44

Hello, my DP's birthday is in a few weeks. For his birthday, I am planning a trip away during the working week at the end of November.

Yesterday, I emailed my DP's manager asking if it would be possible for him to have the time off.

DP's manager is very friendly. In his area they don't book off days with HR, they just take leave when they want. I found the email address online as it is a public facing address. I told him that I hadn't booked it and wanted to know if it would be OK to do so.

He responded immediately saying that it was fine and wishing DP a nice time. I booked it off as my DP may be anxious about being able to have the time off.

I'm now worrying that I've really overstepped a boundary. He's been with his work for a decade and I've never done anything like this before.

WIBU?

OP posts:
ControversialFerret · 24/08/2019 09:10

I don't think they'll be allowed discuss that with you, due to GDPR, even if it's a small privately run company.

This is simply not true. OP has asked if her H can have XX dates off, manger has responded and said yes. Where exactly is personal data being disclosed?

anydream · 24/08/2019 09:10

I organise the leave at my workplace. I have had two partners contact me asking for annual leave for their partner - one told me he was going to propose on holiday! I didn't think it was weird (except telling me about the proposal. There are only about 15 employees so I know her very well). I don't think it's odd or controlling at all.

poolblack · 24/08/2019 09:10

I don't think they'll be allowed discuss that with you, due to GDPR,

Well they did 🤷‍♀️

What is the point in making a comment saying they won't be able to do something that OP said has already happened?

Also. I would be interested to know the GDPR relevance...

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 24/08/2019 09:12

he can always say that he doesnt want to go

He could but unlikely would given his girlfriend has contacted his work about time off and actually booked the trip.

If it were a special birthday and somewhere he had always wanted to go I could understand it but for a general trip it seems a little controlling.

Rezie · 24/08/2019 09:13

I thibk it was overstepping and innapropriate. Also the boss should have declined communicating with you. While I understand that is some companies it might be fine (and depends on the relationship between spouse and boss) and it sounds totally innocent. But I just dont think the boss should be in communication with spouses outside of emergencies. The boss might not know if you are estranged and it is used as as method of control, they might feel that spouse is meddling with career. Also depending on the type of work it's possible that they might not be able to plan their work accordingly if husband doesn't know about the trip.

I think it is fine this instance since the boss seemed ok. But in terms I'm not comfortable with this. I'd go with asking the spouse to take x days off and then have everything else to be a suprise.

bingo3958372 · 24/08/2019 09:14

I don't understand these comments saying OP is controlling Hmm she is doing a lovely birthday surprise for her DH. I would love it if my DH did this for me.
As a manager this wouldn't bother me in the slightest OP. In fact I would much rather be asked before it's booked like you did.

Original poster
Andromeida59 · 24/08/2019 09:15

It's not a general trip. It's a special surprise. If it was a normal break/holiday I'd never have done this but it isn't.

I want to take him away as a belated birthday present because I wanted to do something really special for him.

OP posts:
OD87K · 24/08/2019 09:16

I think it is a nice thing to do

Figgygal · 24/08/2019 09:16

I think it's a shame more people don't do things like that for their partners it should be applauded not condoned and called controlling ffs.

Yeah arranging a surprise trip that you know the person you love will enjoy and being able to make it that special a surprise is just awful behaviour

Ffs utter joy sponges on here this morning

glitterelf · 24/08/2019 09:16

I think it's lovely and just recently I did the same for my husband who was very happy that I'd done it.

Runbitchrun · 24/08/2019 09:18

Controlling?! People are actually insane. You’re doing a lovely thing in booking a nice holiday and have thought how your husband might feel stressed if the time off wasn’t booked so have taken care of that. I think it’s lovely and thoughtful.

TheBadCop · 24/08/2019 09:19

I'd be livid even though it was well intended. DH would not have liked this either. I think it is overstepping the mark but hopefully your DH won't. Have a nice holiday.

RhiWrites · 24/08/2019 09:19

It is boundary crossing. It worked out okay this time but don’t do it again.

As a manager I’d be very uncomfortable with this. What if your DH asks to do a piece of work or says he’s free to meet a colleague because he thinks he is but actually he has leave he doesn’t know about. It’s problematic.

WorraLiberty · 24/08/2019 09:19

I wouldn't mind this at all, in fact I think it's a lovely thing to do.

The only slight problem I'd have is if I didn't have much annual leave left.

nononever · 24/08/2019 09:21

Overstepping and a bit controlling really.

Don't be ridiculous for goodness sake.

OP, my husband would be delighted if I arranged time off with his work for a surprise getaway.

AnneElliott · 24/08/2019 09:21

Honestly what a lot of drama from some pps. Op asked and boss said yes!

I'm planning on doing this for DHs 50th. The most difficult thing will be his boss keeping it a secret!

31RueCambon · 24/08/2019 09:22

@poolblack, you're right, they did discuss it with her! Even thoguh I work in HR and it is drummed in to his that this shouldn't happen. It's actually one of the scenarios they give to warn us of the sort of thing that seems harmless but would be a breach of the subject's data. Doesn't matter if the ''subject'' has a great relationship with his wife and would lovely nothing better than a trip to vegas for his fiftieth. His employers are still obliged to discuss his leave entitlement with him and only him.

I'm sure he won't, but I think the husband could say that his company failed to keep his data (leave entitlement) private.

BarberaofSeville · 24/08/2019 09:22

'Controlling' and 'GDPR' seen to be the latest additions to the Mumsnet bingo cards. Have a fantastic time!

pudcat · 24/08/2019 09:24

Since when has wanting to surprise your husband/partner a lovely birthday gift been seen as controlling. I really cannot understand the way some of the minds on here work.

girlwithadragontattoo · 24/08/2019 09:24

I think it's a lovely thing to do, someone did this a few years ago for a man than worked in the same department as me, his GF at the time booked somewhere in Dubai for his 30th, he was really chuffed and we all commented on it.

Go for it!

31RueCambon · 24/08/2019 09:24

@AnneElliott, not drama, just genuine obstacles. Possibly smaller companies don't bother so much with GDPR. It is over the top imo.

Queenioqueenio · 24/08/2019 09:25

I think it has become controlling because you said he was anxious about asking for the time off, so you’ve circumvented him and done it anyway.

31RueCambon · 24/08/2019 09:25

I think GDPR is a EU thing so maybe it won't be relevant after 31/10

poolblack · 24/08/2019 09:26

@31RueCambon

Which part of GDPR do you think this breaches?

ControversialFerret · 24/08/2019 09:28

I think GDPR is a EU thing so maybe it won't be relevant after 31/10

GDPR has been transposed into the UK's legal framework by way of the Data Protection Act 2018.

Additionally, if the UK wishes to continue to trade with any EU27 member post-Brexit, GDPR compliance will be required. In the same way that third countries - such as the US and Australia - have to comply with GDPR requirements if they offer services to EU-based customers.