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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Asking partner's boss for time off. WIBU?

170 replies

Andromeida59 · 24/08/2019 08:44

Hello, my DP's birthday is in a few weeks. For his birthday, I am planning a trip away during the working week at the end of November.

Yesterday, I emailed my DP's manager asking if it would be possible for him to have the time off.

DP's manager is very friendly. In his area they don't book off days with HR, they just take leave when they want. I found the email address online as it is a public facing address. I told him that I hadn't booked it and wanted to know if it would be OK to do so.

He responded immediately saying that it was fine and wishing DP a nice time. I booked it off as my DP may be anxious about being able to have the time off.

I'm now worrying that I've really overstepped a boundary. He's been with his work for a decade and I've never done anything like this before.

WIBU?

OP posts:
bluebeck · 24/08/2019 13:14

Bloody hell! I am really firm on boundaries and I see no problem with this. I would be so chuffed if my DP had booked me a holiday and secretly arranged the time off.

How is there a GDPR breach? The DPs boss hasn't given OP any information Confused

Dieu · 24/08/2019 13:15

Sounds fine to me - have a wonderful time!

Dieu · 24/08/2019 13:17

And ignore those who are utterly joyless!

Chivers53 · 24/08/2019 13:18

OP you'll find people with no knowledge of GDPR come onto threads saying everything is against GDPR, so don't bother replying. I think it's nice and if work had an issue they would have let you know, although you know your partner best and how he will react. Personally I wouldn't be too impressed if my DP did this, but I know plenty of people who would find it thoughtful.

Wintersnow39 · 24/08/2019 13:23

For our 10th wedding anniversary my husband arranged a surprise weekend away. He got in touch with my colleague who he knows and asked if they would put in a leave request on his behalf and explained the situation. I worked for a large organisation and it would have been very difficult for him to get in touch with the department that authorised any leave requests. It was a lovely surprise and I would be happy if he was to do it again.

Enjoy your few days away! X

BeyondMyWits · 24/08/2019 13:33

"The DPs boss hasn't given OP any information" -

other than they can take the time off.

So if the DP's mother (instead of partner) had rung and asked if he could take the time off would that have been ok?

AnneElliott · 24/08/2019 13:34

31 Rue there is an awful lot of drama on this thread. And no genuine obstacles if you read the op where the boss was happy to agree to it!

I work for a big central gov Department and we take GDPR really seriously but we'd have no problem with this at all.

Leighhalfpennysthigh · 24/08/2019 13:36

I had a partner of one of my employees do this recently. Her husband had been secretly saving money for nearly a decade to take her on a dream trip driving across America in a Winnebago for her 50th, which is in January. So he phoned me to ask if she could have 3 weeks off. Of course I said yes. She now knows and knowing already that she could have the time off made a lot of difference when he told her at a family gathering.

I've also had the mother of one my my younger employees email to ask for annual leave for her son. He was 29. She was planning the family holiday and wanted to know if he could make it. He's married with 3 kids.

IceRebel · 24/08/2019 13:36

I still don't understand why the partner couldn't ask for the time off. Booking the holiday and concert is a nice gesture, but there really doesn't seem to be a reason for the OP to have been involved with his annual leave. Confused

Sodamncaughtinthemiddle · 24/08/2019 13:41

It isn't a breach of GDPR at all. If someone can find the part of the legislation that says it is I will fall off my chair. Its not a breach at all.
I work for a large authorisation and we would be fine letting a partner book a surprise holiday.

Hope you both have a lovely time

RachelGreep87 · 24/08/2019 13:43

I would consider leaving you for this.

I accept that I am in the minority here, I like keeping work and home life separate.

BeyondMyWits · 24/08/2019 13:43

"I've also had the mother of one my my younger employees email to ask for annual leave for her son. He was 29. She was planning the family holiday and wanted to know if he could make it. He's married with 3 kids."

Hope you told her where to go... politely. Cos if my employer told my controlling bitch of a mother that I was free to take a holiday when SHE wanted me to (and I WOULD have already told her I could not go) I would go batshit crazy....

31RueCambon · 24/08/2019 13:44

There is a lot of drama! I mentioned GDPR very casually and obviously wish I hadn't. Things are obviously much stricter where I work. There is no way we would ever enter in to any kind of discussion with somebody's spouse. It just doesn't happen. But I have learned from this thread that this happens elsewhere. Fair enough. I am surprised but I don't disbelieve it.

I think the OP's plan is lovely but it's somehow been inferred from my mentioning GDPR that I am batshit, dramatic, don't hope she has a lovely holiday and that her plan all goes smoothly

AnAC12UCOinanOCG · 24/08/2019 13:46

I did this once for my mum and she was delighted with the surprise holiday.

Leighhalfpennysthigh · 24/08/2019 13:50

@BeyondMyWits yes! I was just so surprised at her bare faced cheek - and I know my employee well enough to know that his relationship with her was strained due to her constant interference in his life and that of his family. The thing is she only wanted him to go on the "family" holiday, not his wife or children and the fact that she told me that as if it was something normal was amazing.

I bet his wife is on here somewhere on a MIL thread!

SauvignonBlanche · 24/08/2019 14:01

NHS manager here, I’ve been contacted a couple of times by spouses or children asking for people to be allocated time off for a surprise. I can just mysteriously manage the off duty that the event just happens to fall on a a weekend off though.

I’d find it harder to allocate a whole week’s leave, though could just block it out I suppose to prevent anyone else taking it first but would need the person to agree that they wanted it at least 8 weeks before.

Ragwort · 24/08/2019 14:05

I really wouldn't like it if my DH did that, but I absolutely hate 'surprises' & can't imagine my DH would have any idea of the sort of holiday I would really like ... and I don't like the idea of him contacting my employer & I wouldn't dream of contacting his .... but we are all different, hope it works out OP.

BelgianWhistles · 24/08/2019 14:06

I think it’s lovely. I’d be thrilled if my partner did this for me.

QueenofmyPrinces · 24/08/2019 14:09

I would love it if my DH did this for me!!!

31RueCambon · 24/08/2019 14:13

@AnneElliott, I sent you a PM, I hope that's ok. Brew

FilledSoda · 24/08/2019 14:20

I'm in the minority too .
When I was last employed I had a horrible boss , the thought of my dh and him having a conversation behind my back would be totally humiliating , and then him thinking he'd done me a favour Hmm
It's infantilising.
I know posters will say ' oh but that's different ' but thinking back over jobs I've had I've always kept my private life and professional life separate .
My dh asking for a favour and my supposed gratitude would undermine my work persona and change the dynamic between my and my manager ,
God I would hate it so much ,
I do hate surprises though and my dh knows me very well so I don't need to worry about it .
The PP is painting a picture where everyone is very friendly , the dh will be delighted and it's all just wonderful which begs the question , why do you ask ?
Seriously , there must be a sliver of doubt in your mind that you did indeed overstep .

CeeCee88 · 24/08/2019 14:22

Personally, I think this is a lovely thing to do and I'm sure your DH will be delighted! Saying this, I love surprises, so this would be right up my street. I'd see it as a really lovely gesture.

Newbie1981 · 24/08/2019 14:25

Controlling - as if!!! It's very sweet OP. Can't say it's controlling to organise a nice surprise where it's not possible to do unless you do what you did. Totally fine OP.

Newbie1981 · 24/08/2019 14:26

@Shopkinsdoll I agree with you. Some people on here are just so aggro and negative, it's quite sad really. I hope they're ok

CleverLoginName · 24/08/2019 14:28

OP you sound lovely. What a wonderful thing to do and good that you've got the time off for him so you can book things

I would have no issue with this as a company owner but would have to create a random appt in the diary so they wouldn't know as they access their own diaries!

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