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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Asking partner's boss for time off. WIBU?

170 replies

Andromeida59 · 24/08/2019 08:44

Hello, my DP's birthday is in a few weeks. For his birthday, I am planning a trip away during the working week at the end of November.

Yesterday, I emailed my DP's manager asking if it would be possible for him to have the time off.

DP's manager is very friendly. In his area they don't book off days with HR, they just take leave when they want. I found the email address online as it is a public facing address. I told him that I hadn't booked it and wanted to know if it would be OK to do so.

He responded immediately saying that it was fine and wishing DP a nice time. I booked it off as my DP may be anxious about being able to have the time off.

I'm now worrying that I've really overstepped a boundary. He's been with his work for a decade and I've never done anything like this before.

WIBU?

OP posts:
Loopytiles · 24/08/2019 14:29

Some people would be fine with their DP doing something like this, others (like me) wouldn’t.

Yeahnahmum · 24/08/2019 14:36

You know your partner the best. So if you think he would love it: then it sounds great!! I would love such a thing . It doesnt sound controlling at allShock like some pp said. It sounds caring and sweet

sounfairso · 24/08/2019 15:12

*It is boundary crossing. It worked out okay this time but don’t do it again.

As a manager I’d be very uncomfortable with this. What if your DH asks to do a piece of work or says he’s free to meet a colleague because he thinks he is but actually he has leave he doesn’t know about. It’s problematic.*

Don't do it again! Who made you the relationship police!

Also as a manger If you know about a an incoming event you could avoid this employee knowing he couldn't do it.

But hey look on the bad side of things!

OP ignore the mood hoovers, great idea and I'm sure he'll love it. It's lovely being with someone who thinks of everything!

sounfairso · 24/08/2019 15:16

*I would consider leaving you for this.

I accept that I am in the minority here, I like keeping work and home life separate.*

Bloody hell!

AlexaAmbidextra · 24/08/2019 16:44

How is there a GDPR breach? The DPs boss hasn't given OP any information.

No, you obviously don’t understand the gravity of this breach. By agreeing to the annual leave for DH, the boss has confirmed to OP that her DH works where she knows he works. Do you really not get it? 🙄😂

AlexaAmbidextra · 24/08/2019 16:52

I would consider leaving you for this.

Really? You would break up your marriage/relationship, possibly your children’s (if you have any) home. You would separate your joint finances, commitments, find somewhere else to live? All because your partner spoke to your employer to book some A/L to facilitate a surprise for you?

While it may not be something you’d appreciate and you would be less than happy, you’d really break up with your DH/DP over it? Do you have any idea how absolutely, utterly and completely unbalanced and hysterical this makes you sound?

BarberaofSeville · 24/08/2019 16:57

I would consider leaving you for this

Grin Honestly some of the posts on this thread are mind blowing. Presumably the OP knows her partner well and has reason to believe he might enjoy a surprise holiday.

Tyersal · 24/08/2019 16:59

Lovely thing to do, I've done it for current and last partner. I did know both their bosses though

poolblack · 24/08/2019 17:02

I would consider leaving you for this.

I accept that I am in the minority here, I like keeping work and home life separate.

If I were your partner I would probably have left when you started being all weird when I dared to ask where you work Confused

Honestly, there is keeping work and home separate and then there is this Hmm

littleduckeggblue · 24/08/2019 17:04

Yanbu
It's a lovely idea

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 24/08/2019 17:10

I think it's lovely and I wish DH would have booked me time off and taken me away! Why is anyone who does something nice for a partner controlling according to MN?

I would consider leaving you for this.

If my DH was as uptight as this I'd consider it a result he left me!

Shopkinsdoll · 24/08/2019 18:01

there are some very very uptight women on this site. I’m glad I see myself as pretty normal.

Rezie · 24/08/2019 18:12

I asked my bf and he said that if one of his employees he would not accept the request. He would only accept request for annual leave from his employees. He feels like it is way too risky since you don't know somebody's relationship situation and wouldn't want to get involved in their employees personal life.

I can completely understand that it sounds sweet but there are so many ways to have a suprise without involving other ones manager and career.

Iamafanoffans · 24/08/2019 18:16

In my mind it’s not a nice thing to do. I would find it extremely irritating if my partner spoke with my manager behind my back. My annual leave is for me to manage. If he wants to surprise me with a holiday, fine, but let me arrange the admin with work.

The holiday isn’t any less of a surprise, and my work / life separation is maintained.

ChickenTikkaTellMeWhatsWrong · 24/08/2019 18:27

I would consider leaving you for this.

WOW!
Some people are so strange Confused

Ragwort · 24/08/2019 20:00

Agree with Iam, it's fine if you say to your DP 'I'd love to take you away for a surprise break, can you book these dates or can we agree what's convenient' but going over your DP's head & talking to their boss just seems very intrusive. And it totally depends on the nature of your work, I have specific projects etc that neither my DH nor my boss would know the details of so how can they possible agree without my knowledge what are 'convenient' dates for me to have as AL Confused?

justjuggling · 24/08/2019 20:11

I’d be really touched if someone went to that effort for me! Have a great time!

Applejack5 · 24/08/2019 20:26

There's no GDPR breach as they haven't discussed personal data simply by saying that it'd be ok to have that time off.

It's a nice idea in theory, but I'd be angry if my DH did this to me. It's not up to him to decide when I'm taking my annual leave. Much better to ask me to book the time off then arrange a surprise during that time.

pooopypants · 24/08/2019 20:35

I did the same thing for my ex, spoke to the manager and booked it off

I think it's cute and sounds like a well needed break

notacooldad · 24/08/2019 20:38

My friend did this for her wife's 30th birthday a few months ago.
The birthday girl ( oops, sorry, lady) was made up with her suprise holiday!

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