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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Asking partner's boss for time off. WIBU?

170 replies

Andromeida59 · 24/08/2019 08:44

Hello, my DP's birthday is in a few weeks. For his birthday, I am planning a trip away during the working week at the end of November.

Yesterday, I emailed my DP's manager asking if it would be possible for him to have the time off.

DP's manager is very friendly. In his area they don't book off days with HR, they just take leave when they want. I found the email address online as it is a public facing address. I told him that I hadn't booked it and wanted to know if it would be OK to do so.

He responded immediately saying that it was fine and wishing DP a nice time. I booked it off as my DP may be anxious about being able to have the time off.

I'm now worrying that I've really overstepped a boundary. He's been with his work for a decade and I've never done anything like this before.

WIBU?

OP posts:

lazyarse123 · 24/08/2019 09:49

What a lovely thing to do. I can't get my head around some pp thinking it's controlling. I hope you both enjoy it op.

CruellaFeinberg · 24/08/2019 09:49

Jesus Christ!

OP wanted to check that it was ok for dh to have specific time off so she could book tickets (flights and concert) in 3 months

She checked with his boss, boss said it will be fine.

Dh will be given the news in 2 weeks and op will be able to say boss said the time off is fine so dh wont worry that he cannot get the time off....

What is wrong with this???

nononever · 24/08/2019 09:49

I'm planning on doing this for DHs 50th. The most difficult thing will be his boss keeping it a secret!

Good luck @AnneElliott! A colleague of my husband was beyond delighted when his wife arranged time off with his work to go on a surprise trip for his 30th Birthday. Only the boss and my husband knew and he was paranoid about letting slip but he didn't thankfully! Huge international company and no issues encountered.

BarberaofSeville · 24/08/2019 09:50

So taking the GDPR comment above to the logical next step, if someone rings up a company and asks to speak to a particular person, presumably the person answering the phone can't now say 'she's in a meeting but will be back in the office later' as that would be confirming that the person works there?

CherryPavlova · 24/08/2019 09:50

I think it’s nice too. I’ve asked my husbands PA to book fictitious things in his diary and book time off foe a surprise weekend away.
It would be difficult if it was a newer, less accommodating employer or at very short notice but it’s not. It’s nice.

Choice4567 · 24/08/2019 09:51

Why are people not understanding this?! It is a surprise trip. OP has booked it all (checking first that DH could have the leave so as not to waste money booking)

The surprise will be to tell DH on his birthday in 2 weeks time. Holiday at the end of November

OP checked with work first so that when she tells the DH his surprise on his birthday, he doesn’t say ‘that sounds lovely but I don’t think I can get the time off’

I think you were fine OP. I’m sure if the boss had had an issue with it he would have said

ifyoulikepinacolada · 24/08/2019 09:53

I think the only issue here is some pps’ comprehension to be honest

OP you haven’t overstepped - it would be too much to do every year but as a one off it’s a lovely thing to do.

HappyParent2000 · 24/08/2019 09:54

I did this and it was for a busy weekend where she worked.

Her boss was brilliant, kept the secret too!

happytobemrsg · 24/08/2019 10:01

I would love DH do this for me!

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 24/08/2019 10:03

Some of these comments are hysterical-since when has arranging a birthday surprise been controlling? Is buying him a new top for his birthday also controlling as she’s deciding what he can wear?!!! Absolute nonsense.

BeyondMyWits · 24/08/2019 10:04

"Why are people not understanding this?"
"I think the only issue here is some pps’ comprehension to be honest"

nope...
I understand it.
I would not like it.
My home life and my work life are separate. There is a boundary. It is my choice.

In what level of relationship does it become ok - if my mother wanted to book a holiday? my daughter? my husband's mother, father, sister? Who can speak to my boss, book my time? Why would I be expected to be happy to have that boundary crossed by anybody?

The op's relationship is obviously different, but they were asking in AIBU, so presume they would expect alternate views to be aired.

combatbarbie · 24/08/2019 10:05

Overstepping the mark... Seriously!?

We get this all the time, it's really not an issue, we enter the leave onto the system for them.

Trickiest part is making sure noone at work says anything to him beforehand.

Ffsnosexallowed · 24/08/2019 10:08

Dp did this for me a few years ago, I didn't think he was being weird and controlling? It was a lovely thing to do

Jayaywhynot · 24/08/2019 10:10

We've had this before at work, it's never a problem, we enjoy being part of the secret. His boss will, remember they are all people like us, will not think you've overstepped the mark

BykerBykerOoh · 24/08/2019 10:11

I did it for my husband’s 40th birthday surprise and he was really chuffed. The only time I’ve ever done it.

Topsecretidentity · 24/08/2019 10:11

I'm not sure what's worse- the lack of basic data protection knowledge on this thread or the confidence with which some pp have stated their innacurate GDPR "facts".

OP you've done a nice thing for your husband- his boss clearly doesn't think you're overstepping. There's no data breach. I hope he likes his surprise and I hope you can ignore the posters trying to make you out to be controlling for doing something thoughtful for your husband.

NewMum293 · 24/08/2019 10:13

I would love for my husband to do this! Lovely idea OP, hope you have a good time.

GDPR, good grief...

coolandcalm17 · 24/08/2019 10:14

I think it’s wonderful. I’d love my dh to do something similar for me. He knows it as well because I’ve often said I think surprise holidays are lovely but unfortunately he’s never done it for me.

Windydaysuponus · 24/08/2019 10:16

I messaged dh's boss to ask that he didn't request dh to work one Saturday as I had a trip away planned. Boss was happy to be in on the surprise and dh was bloody delighted!
You are a lovely dw op. Don't let the miseries get to you...

BearRabbitPants · 24/08/2019 10:18

Some people are off their bloody rocker OP!!! Ignore and enjoy your weekend away. If it was deemed inappropriate your DP boss would have told you so. It was a lovely thing to do.

Iamafanoffans · 24/08/2019 10:21

I would hate this. Like a previous poster, my work life and home life are separate, I would find it an over stepping of boundaries if my partner contacted my boss behind my back.
As a manager I would find it unprofessional to collude in a ‘surprise’ like this.
I hate surprises though, and would hate a surprise holiday. I want to be in control of my annual leave and holidays.

ArkwrightsTill · 24/08/2019 10:21

I can’t believe people think this is controlling - I’d better go and apologise to my boyfriend and book him some counselling for the surprise cinema tickets I booked the other day, the poor little goat must be so traumatised.

checkeredredshorts · 24/08/2019 10:22

There are some very precious delicate people on here. The world has gone mad over privacy and data protection. What privacy or data has even been compromised?! You literally asked on behalf of your partner if he is able to have the time off should you arrange a surprise

You've done nothing wrong and the bosses reaction shows he thought nothing of it.

You've planned a lovely surprise for your partner and only a misery guys would be annoyed.

TheCatsACunt · 24/08/2019 10:23

I would absolutely hate if my husband did that.

Namelessinseattle · 24/08/2019 10:26

@MrsElijahMikaelson1 buying someone clothes for their birthday is super controlling. I wouldn’t like my DH dictating what I wore and what I didn’t. And him even buy something in the right size could be a gdpr breech because we work together and that’s probably how he knows my size.

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