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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Asking partner's boss for time off. WIBU?

170 replies

Andromeida59 · 24/08/2019 08:44

Hello, my DP's birthday is in a few weeks. For his birthday, I am planning a trip away during the working week at the end of November.

Yesterday, I emailed my DP's manager asking if it would be possible for him to have the time off.

DP's manager is very friendly. In his area they don't book off days with HR, they just take leave when they want. I found the email address online as it is a public facing address. I told him that I hadn't booked it and wanted to know if it would be OK to do so.

He responded immediately saying that it was fine and wishing DP a nice time. I booked it off as my DP may be anxious about being able to have the time off.

I'm now worrying that I've really overstepped a boundary. He's been with his work for a decade and I've never done anything like this before.

WIBU?

OP posts:

AlexaAmbidextra · 24/08/2019 09:28

I'd be livid

Ffs. Over-reaction much? 🙄

Queenioqueenio · 24/08/2019 09:30

GDPR is an EU directive but it was incorporated into the UK Data Protection Act 2018, making it UK law.

welshfishwife · 24/08/2019 09:30

I also find the some of the responses here very odd. The OP has done a lovely thing. The manager hasn't broken any confidentiality rules. The manager could have easily responded with "no sorry it will need to be requested by Dh as per policy". But he sounds like a nice reasonable person!
OP only you know your DH and if he's likely to have an issue with this. I'm guessing not, otherwise you wouldn't have considered it. Have a lovely break

PositiveVibez · 24/08/2019 09:30

If you don't think yabu, not sure why you have asked the question.

I have to agree with the pp who said that the boss does not know your relationship and in some circumstances, it could be a controlling move.

It's not in these circumstances, but how would the boss know?

Plus the trip isn't until November so your husband would have had plenty of notice to book some annual leave.

I cannot imagine my husband phoning my boss and asking to book annual leave on my behalf, or vice versa.

From the sound of the company he works for, there would have been no issue whatsoever with him booking leave for a few months in advance.

Original poster

Andromeida59 · 24/08/2019 09:30

He wouldn't be anxious asking for the time off. His birthday is at the weekend so he may feel that he couldn't enjoy it (the surprise) as he didn't know if he could have the time off. I've asked so can tell him, therefore no anxiety/concern.

He's been at his workplace a decade, I've never done this before and would never again. This also means that his manager has over three months notice and DP has two and a half months. He is not in the type of work where he meets clients etc.
His meetings are never booked in more than a few weeks in advance and there are no conferences at that time.

I only booked it because his manager OK'd it. If he hadn't I wouldn't have booked anything. I didn't tell his manager that he was having the time off. I asked if it would be possible.

OP posts:

TheBadCop · 24/08/2019 09:33

Alexa, why?

my AL is statutory minimum. I have children one of whom has SN so frequent hospital appointments. I need to manage my AL very carefully. I don't take AL for jollies. We don't know much about the OP's situation but I would be really angry cause it could make the difference between having enough leave to attend a hospital appointment or not. Everybody is different. Good on you that your life is so easy that it wouldn't cause issues.

HoppingPavlova · 24/08/2019 09:33

As a manager I’d be very uncomfortable with this. What if your DH asks to do a piece of work or says he’s free to meet a colleague because he thinks he is but actually he has leave he doesn’t know about. It’s problematic.

Exactly this. It would potentially place me in a really bad position where I may have to make the choice to lie to someone or tell the truth and give up the surprise. If someone wanted a project but it had a critical period or due date when they were meant to go away and I gave it to someone else on this basis and they felt it was more suited to their area of expertise or what not and wanted me to explain, what am I meant to say! Lie? Also, how could I ‘force’ them to tidy up and handover work (essential) to someone else if they didn’t know they were going. They would probably think they were being made redundant or something in the immediate future and would be extremely stressed or running to HR over my actions. No way would I ever entertain this and I’d probably give a partner less than 30sec on the phone if they tried it on with me.

Original poster

Andromeida59 · 24/08/2019 09:34

Also, am very familiar with GDPR. It is not a breach as I was not asking for personal information or special category.

OP posts:

TheBadCop · 24/08/2019 09:36

What if your DH asks to do a piece of work or says he’s free to meet a colleague because he thinks he is but actually he has leave he doesn’t know about. It’s problematic.

and this.

Original poster

Andromeida59 · 24/08/2019 09:36

Once again, there would be no "clearing of desks" as my DP will know in two weeks. The trip is last week of November.

OP posts:

Wellandtrulyoutnumbered · 24/08/2019 09:37

It's lovely as it's a surprise.

BarberaofSeville · 24/08/2019 09:37

Presumably the OP knows whether this annual leave would cause an issue with hospital appointments or not

The OP has made it very clear that her DP will have plenty of notice to manage his workload in advance of his AL, so he's hardly going to think he is being made redundant.

diddl · 24/08/2019 09:38

" His birthday is at the weekend so he may feel that he couldn't enjoy it (the surprise) as he didn't know if he could have the time off. "

So he won't be away on his birthday.

So you could have just asked him to take some time off in Oct/Nov & booked something for then?

ineedaholidaynow · 24/08/2019 09:39

It’s not that DP is not going to know about it until the actual time. The trip is in November but he will find out about it on his birthday in a few weeks time, so can plan his workload accordingly.

I assume if his annual leave has to be carefully managed due to other factors like TheBadCop then OP would not have booked the holiday anyway.

LizzieSiddal · 24/08/2019 09:40

The important question now, is how do you think your dh will take you doing this?

I personally wouldn't mind, but some people would.

ShiftHappens · 24/08/2019 09:40

Once again, there would be no "clearing of desks" as my DP will know in two weeks. The trip is last week of November.

so it's not a surprise holiday. I would have let it to DP to arrange AL in that case. I would not meddle with DH's work in such way and would not appreciate if DH went over my head and wrote to mine.

IceRebel · 24/08/2019 09:42

I'm confused as to why you think your DP would be anxious about getting the time off if he has over 2 1/2 months to do so.

Especially as you've said they just take leave when they want and I don't even think leave is tracked.

Sciurus83 · 24/08/2019 09:43

I would hate this and see it as an overstep, I manage my own diary. I would want my partner to tell me to book the time off for a surprise and leave it at that.

c75kp0r · 24/08/2019 09:43

This definitely IS 100% a GDPR issue:

Ok, so imagine you are the husband's boss - unless he personally knows the partner, anyone could be phoning up fishing to find out if the husband works there. By entering into a conversation about the holiday, the boss has now confirmed to some random that the person works there.
Possibly ok if DH is listed on the company's website - but if not, the boss should definitely NOT disclose - and it definitely IS PII under GDPR.

Ginnymweasley · 24/08/2019 09:44

I think it's a nice thing to do. What if op had booked it all but then her dp couldn't get the time off. My dh did it once, he asked my boss if I could have a specific day off one week as he had booked me tickets to go see my favourite band. He knew it wouldn't have affected my work as I find out my days off a month in advance. It was a nice surprise to find out he had gone to that much effort for me.

TheCatInAHat · 24/08/2019 09:46

I was approached by a H of someone I managed for the same reason and I happily authorised the leave. I don’t like surprises myself though so I wouldn’t be pleased but I’d imagine the some people would love this.

PinkiOcelot · 24/08/2019 09:46

Some pretty ridiculous responses on here.
Lovely idea OP. Not controlling at all.

Georgina25 · 24/08/2019 09:46

What a lovely idea!

We do all know most plans can be changed right? If he has arranged to meet a colleague for in November, which the OP has said he wouldn't have.. because November is friggen ages away, he can always email and say sorry but let's reschedule.

I take it you're only going for a few days/a week? Not like you're whisking him off for a month at a days notice is it?

I'd be chuffed if my partner announced that he had a special treat planned and my annual leave is already pencilled in! Now all he has to do is look forward to it...then back his bag, and get into his little holiday spirit the day you go and off you trot.

Good on you for taking a little risk for the man you love!

CakeAndGin · 24/08/2019 09:48

@31RueCambon it is EU legislation but most EU legislations are actually part of UK law. Even if the law didn’t cover UK nationals, it still covers EU nationals. American companies have to be GDPR compliant if they want EU customers. So given that EU nationals will still be resident in the UK after Brexit, companies will likely keep GDPR to ensure they are covered regardless.

OP - I would hate my husband doing this. I have control of my work calendar. My manager has access to it but 1) he’s a knob and wouldn’t think to check my work calendar and 2) he doesn’t know if I’m in email conversations with someone about a meeting in November but we’ve not settled on a date yet. I have a work phone with my work calendar on but my husband has no access to it as it has to be pin protected because it has customer contact details in my email and calendar. To find out in a few weeks time that I have that date off when I could have made plans at work (and yes I am putting things in my diary for November now), I’d be really annoyed at having to go to my customer and cancel. Even if your partner doesn’t have client meetings, he might still have a deadline around then and he wouldn’t have taken leave.

diddl · 24/08/2019 09:48

" What if op had booked it all but then her dp couldn't get the time off. "

Well that would have been stupid, wouldn't it?

She just needed to get him to book time off & could have still presented him with the holiday on his bday without involving his boss.

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