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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want vegetarians to decide where we eat on holiday!

274 replies

indiestarr665 · 23/08/2019 15:26

Myself and a group of friends go on an annual city break, usually to somewhere in eastern europe, and this year’s trip is coming up. Two of our number are vegetarian, and they tend to dominate the decision making when it comes to where we eat. My issue is that this is often at the expense of ambiance and so on - what usually happens is we traipse around, they will look at the menus and reject anywhere that doesn’t have about half a dozen veggie choices, even if it looks really nice and there are one or two options they can go for. We often end up forsaking the most interesting restaurants for places that are mediocre but have numerous veggie options. Worse, they make a beeline for vegetarian or vegan restaurants, the argument being that the rest of us (who are the majority) can eat anything on the menu whereas it doesn’t work the other way round.
I do appreciate that they have less choice, but when visiting a new city I do feel a bit annoyed at not being able to go to places with, say, a great atmosphere, reputation, view, etc etc because the priority is always whether the veggie menu is extensive.
In anticipation of this year’s trip I’ve sent round a list of suggestions of places that are meant to be good and that are ‘vegetarian friendly’ in the hope that we choose restaurants that suit everyone, not just them. But my message has been met with ‘I’m sure we’ll be fine, there are bound to be plenty of places’ which makes me think we’ll end up doing the same old thing of traipsing round. I’ve jokingly said that I don’t want to go to any vegan places, but actually I’m not joking, I really don’t want to! Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
OtraCosaMariposa · 24/08/2019 11:33

I would be happy to eat in meat restaurants most nights on the condition that the party at least try one vegan restaurant over the course of the trip.

Say what??? You get to eat your chosen diet all of the time as the party as a whole ensures that they eat somewhere which caters for everyone. But on top of that, you have to do your own wee bit of evangelising by imposing the condition that everyone dances to your tune one night too? Fuck that.

rookiemere · 24/08/2019 11:46

Yeah that ground my gears as well otra
I'd be happy enough to eat in a vegetarian restaurant but not so keen on milk/cream/cheese substitutes.

Lunafortheloveogod · 24/08/2019 11:48

I’d definitely suggest splitting up if 3/5 are happy with choice a, just say your starving and you’ll catch them up. I physically can’t eat much if any meat at the moment (I will throw up, dp watched me gag trying to eat my favourite chicken dish last night) can’t have dairy either so I’m really limited locally.

One of the unfortunate things is some family members considered the veggie options for me as chips, salad or mac n cheese., I cannot eat the mac n cheese I don’t want to sit with a dish of soggy leaves and chips are not a meal.. especially when they’re sitting with 3 course massive dinners. I don’t know if it’s more annoying because it’s a “not by choice” issue for me and I’d really bloody like the steak if I would only see it once Envy

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 24/08/2019 11:50

I hate the traipsing, HATE it.
DH is very bad for it, and I have no idea why, because he's not the one with dietary restrictions, I am.
But he'll keep going past various options that would be fine for me because he doesn't fancy it or whatever spurious reason, getting hangrier and hangrier, because he's never got beyond toddler-level control of his bodily requirements until we're ALL raging with tiredness and hunger and then he'll stop at the least useful option for me and by then I'll give in because I'm tired and fucking fed up.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 24/08/2019 11:59

I have to confess I love traipsing. I have to know the menu of every restaurant in town. I even GoogleMaps them to make sure that I've seen the outlying ones. I call it building up an appetite.

lovelookslikethis · 24/08/2019 12:01

We are in deepest Provence lord the first restaurant we went to, after some considerable loud shrill priests from the kitchen that even my limited school girl French was able to decipher produced a steaming mass of over boiled vegetables and charged me 65 euros for the privilege.
The second after more on line research, said it provided veggie options however on arrival everything came with fish! So I ended up with literally a plate of dry leaves and a slice of lemon. Third restaurant offered me gourmet tomatoes sliced with pesto sauce as a main course.
I caused the most almighty rumpus in a Michelin starred restaurant after I pointed out discreetly that my gelatine covered starter was not vegetarian.
There is very little understanding of vegetarianism here I can tell you. I have experienced the full range of shoulder shrugs to full scale trauma in the kitchens when I have asked for anything just minus the meat. It had really impacted our holiday.
My dc are also vegetarian and we have resorted to chips most nights just to fill them up ( we are health conscious so this is far from ideal)
I could literally eat the hind leg of a donkey right now Grin

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD · 24/08/2019 12:03

I remember getting a withering ‘we don’t get them around here’ in AFK France...

lovelookslikethis · 24/08/2019 12:03

Protest - not priests. Although believe me a priest is probably
more appropriate. Pray for me please people.

Beautiful3 · 24/08/2019 12:04

Maybe suggest you all have a turn to choose the restaurant. If the vegans/vegetarians make a fuss, suggest that they eat separately and meet up for drinks afterwards.

Parkrunner25 · 24/08/2019 12:05

YANBU. I'm a vegetarian, but would only ask for a venue change if there was no vegetarian option.

lovelookslikethis · 24/08/2019 12:05

Yes I have had the withering looks too. I feel like a leper!! To be far I think lepers would be more welcome here Grin

maddiemookins16mum · 24/08/2019 12:08

Not quite the same but my brother will happily traipse around a town or city bypassing lots of great places just to find a flippin spoons.

NotWavingButMNing · 24/08/2019 12:15

This is what TripAdvisor is for. We used to do the traipsing.
DH hates traipsing and DS (21) is veggie so on rent holidays I do a virtual traipse on TripAdvisor and plan restaurants for each night, booking if appropriate.
DS recently visited Hungary which is a real challenge for veggies. Stew with the meat fished out is considered to be vegetarian. His friend, who is Hungarian recommended a couple of places but generally speaking when abroad he is resigned to a lot of pizza margherita.

HugsAreMyDrugs · 24/08/2019 12:17

Just be grateful they aren't vegan Wink.

xiona75 · 24/08/2019 12:54

We manage a food allergy in this household, so we have to be careful about where we can eat. When my big fat Greek family get together, we obviously take that allergy into account, but what we tend to do is lots of research online as to what restaurants can cater for us, and then go there. What I'm trying to say is that the people who want to eat specific food (or have 6-7 options for their specific diet) need to do the research, or you split the group so everyone is happy with what they are eating. Ps. The whole traipsing around thing would drive me batty!

OVienna · 24/08/2019 12:55

Put your foot down OP and book the places. Traipsing around is ridiculous. We used to go away on a huge group holiday with people who brought food from the UK with us - particular culture as well. I too look forward to having local food - it really stressed me out. There is almost nothing worse than being on holiday with people with diff food ideas.

shinemercy · 24/08/2019 13:31

I'm the vegan in these groups and while I don't want to eat salad and chips for the entire time I also don't want my friends to be limited by me being around. If they come with me to a place where I can eat well some of the time, then I'll eat salad and chips at their choice of place another time and pick up something for protein+ vitamins at home or on the way. And maybe offer to cook something one night, that makes it easier to eat together as there are loads of vegan things that are yummy as they are but can have meat added on the table for harmonious group events. This doesn't have to be a big deal I suspect vegans and vegetarians who got on board in the recent (welcome) wave of new blood are just not as used to having to improvise and made do... but I think given time we will all find our way and get along.

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD · 24/08/2019 14:04

I still remember the cheese salad years (without the cheese due to unknown rennet). But you know what? A friend of mine recently realised I was veggie - and I’d known her since 1992.

Anyway - I’m happy with cheese and olives - and nuts if there are any going - but would be as pissed off as anyone else if there was no give and take and that was all I ever got for a whole holiday (and was splitting the bill with the steak eaters).

SachaXIII · 24/08/2019 14:52

Maybe you need to take a step back and rethink your priorities, someday you might just see that these guys' choices were a blessing and not an inconvenience.

lovelookslikethis · 24/08/2019 15:59

Consider supporting their efforts too, rather than complaining, it is a worthy sometimes arduous journey when overseas.

OtraCosaMariposa · 24/08/2019 16:09

Worthy yet arduous.

Just what everyone wants from their perfect holiday. Hmm

lovelookslikethis · 24/08/2019 17:06

Maybe op should simply holiday with carnivores only in future otra Hmm if op’s friends have always been selective about where they eat, that is not likely to change anytime soon is it?!
Sometimes it isn’t just about menu options, but cleanliness, aperitif options and other considerations.

Simkin · 24/08/2019 18:40

I have heard tallinn is amazing for really cutting edge vegan restaurants. Might be good if you go away with this group again.

I'm veggie and hate traipsing so I either plan ahead or just eat the fifth omelette of the week. You kind of have to accept it really.

TheTrollFairy · 24/08/2019 18:43

How many of you going?
If it’s say 5 nights and 5 people then you all get 1 pick each

MidniteScribbler · 25/08/2019 01:16

If you choose to have a restricted diet, you really can't be surprised when there is also restricted menu choices to go along with that.