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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want vegetarians to decide where we eat on holiday!

274 replies

indiestarr665 · 23/08/2019 15:26

Myself and a group of friends go on an annual city break, usually to somewhere in eastern europe, and this year’s trip is coming up. Two of our number are vegetarian, and they tend to dominate the decision making when it comes to where we eat. My issue is that this is often at the expense of ambiance and so on - what usually happens is we traipse around, they will look at the menus and reject anywhere that doesn’t have about half a dozen veggie choices, even if it looks really nice and there are one or two options they can go for. We often end up forsaking the most interesting restaurants for places that are mediocre but have numerous veggie options. Worse, they make a beeline for vegetarian or vegan restaurants, the argument being that the rest of us (who are the majority) can eat anything on the menu whereas it doesn’t work the other way round.
I do appreciate that they have less choice, but when visiting a new city I do feel a bit annoyed at not being able to go to places with, say, a great atmosphere, reputation, view, etc etc because the priority is always whether the veggie menu is extensive.
In anticipation of this year’s trip I’ve sent round a list of suggestions of places that are meant to be good and that are ‘vegetarian friendly’ in the hope that we choose restaurants that suit everyone, not just them. But my message has been met with ‘I’m sure we’ll be fine, there are bound to be plenty of places’ which makes me think we’ll end up doing the same old thing of traipsing round. I’ve jokingly said that I don’t want to go to any vegan places, but actually I’m not joking, I really don’t want to! Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
lovelookslikethis · 24/08/2019 08:31

I am a vegetarian, and I have never been anywhere with six vegetarian options ( if only!) except for a vegetarian restaurant, and they are very few and far between. So I find it very very hard to believe that you are not exaggerating.
Assuming you care that your friends eat, I would pack a candle and matches, and maybe some music and create your own ambience.
I am currently in France and I am STARVING having eaten tomatoes for several days and leaves. Hunting down anywhere with anything remotely vegetarian on the menu has become a desperate fruitless endeavour. Should I make it back to the UK, having lost half my body weight already, I will never curse our English culinary options again. Holidays in Italy next year will be first on the list.

showmethegin · 24/08/2019 09:24

@Teacher22 sensible people should resist climate change?! I really hope you are not a teacher as your username suggests!

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD · 24/08/2019 09:30

I’ve had one holiday when a spoiled kid in the group dictated where we eat. All fish places. Some had no veggie options - and I mean just a side salad and that’s it. I was really surprised at lack of options. This was in the US and I’ve never seen bacon as an accompaniment to every dish.

Usually as a veggie you can eat fine in most places. I’ve been around - and been veggie for over 30 years - and have always managed to eat ok (that one trip aside).

If it’s that bad then have a drink, split and meet up later.

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD · 24/08/2019 09:32

@lovelookslikethis - I’ve been going to France as a child and haven’t starved there. I’ve had some interesting discussions in restaurants as a teenager (before it was more common) but have always managed to eat ok. I hate to break it to you but the worst veggie food I ever had was in the north of Italy!

TrickyD · 24/08/2019 09:40

About 18 years ago we went with a group of friends on a ski trip to Romania (bad idea for many reasons).

One friend was a strict veggie. Romania then had no clue about vegetarianism, on the day his three meals consisted of seven eggs, he became a carnivore.

HandsOffMyRights · 24/08/2019 09:50

As a veggie of 30 years (and a vegan of 6 months) I'd suggest separate restaurants. I've followed the majority line many times and ended up with salad chips or bread. And hungry.

I really struggled in France and in Spain, where there was fish on that one available salad.

While at least one veggie option sounds fine in theory on a menu, I'd need to know what that was (did it contain eggs - which I didn't eat? Sometimes fish is considered veggie... Does it contain Parmesan or, do I actually like that one particular dish?) .

And I wouldn't want everyone to accommodate me. I'd prefer to eat separately.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 24/08/2019 09:50

As a veggie, I can see it from both sides.

DH’s family are all carnivores and booked an all fish restaurant for us to eat in. The veggie option was a starter. SIL’s usual line is: “There is bound to be a salad.” DH is great and always reminds her that she would never choose a bowl of leaves for her main meal so why should I.

I don’t try to dictate where we eat beyond there being a (proper) veggie option for me. I wouldn’t make everyone traipse about until we found somewhere.

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD · 24/08/2019 10:06

I even managed in Russia back in the day. Luckily I like cabbage.

AnnaMagnani · 24/08/2019 10:14

This would drive me potty - it's the traipsing I can't stand. Also for me eating out and having local food is a big part of the holiday, it sounds like 3 of your party of 5 can never do that as you are limited to veggie restaurants or mediocre places.

There has to be about a 50:50 split - am sure the meat eaters are not going to pick steakhouses on their nights, just be a bit reasonable on both sides.

BrokenWing · 24/08/2019 10:16

Tell them straight you don't enjoy veg restaurants and any choices need to cater to both your needs, they need to compromise as it's their choice of restricted diet that is causing the issue.

Cornettoninja · 24/08/2019 10:40

There’s not much point in being subtle about it. I think the suggestion of splitting up to eat is valid and if the vegan couple don’t like that suggestion then it needs to reinforced that eating the local (most likely meat-including if not meat-heavy) cuisine is a big part of that and you feel it’s unfair to have to keep missing out.

I, very fortunately, don’t have any dietary restrictions and would always consider my friends needs when picking a place but I wouldn’t be happy about always being on the side that has to compromise. I enjoy food and don’t think it’s unreasonable at all to have that as an important consideration too.

It’s like going on a beach holiday and never setting foot near the ocean because someone doesn’t like the sand. It’s a big enough issue to, aif not ruin a break, spoil the memory of it.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 24/08/2019 10:49

I am a vegetarian, and I have never been anywhere with six vegetarian options ( if only!) except for a vegetarian restaurant, and they are very few and far between. So I find it very very hard to believe that you are not exaggerating.

I know what you mean. My main problem is in finding vegetarian food with actual protein, which pasta and tomato sauce does not have. But omnivores usually see six green leaves on a menu (that might include small salads, a tiny sliver of baked cheese and suchlike and garlic bread) and think it vegetarian heaven.

aurynne · 24/08/2019 10:50

@Fluffycloudland77

"New Zealand lamb is all non halal. I only buy nz lamb now."

99% of New Zealand lamb is halal, as is beef.

(my DH works in the meat industry)

bigKiteFlying · 24/08/2019 10:51

This would drive me potty - it's the traipsing I can't stand.

I can't either.

I'd state certain nights you are splitting up and for rest I'd do the research - find out beforehand what options there are and printed out menus if you can - and try and get a decision before heading out or limit number you look at in one evening.

It will probably transpire that they enjoy the traipsing round – but letting them do that as a couple and trying to sort out other evenings might help cut it down.

HappyParent2000 · 24/08/2019 10:51

I usually try to compromise, I’m not going to make the party eat somewhere naff just for me.

SolitudeAtAltitude · 24/08/2019 10:57

I was in Mexico City with a vegetarian friend, she wanted to go to a vegetarian restaurant. I thought it was a shame, as there are lots of mexican dishes at normal restaurants that are veggie anyway.

So this proper vegetarian restaurant was a place for people who were put on diets by their doctors, it was not just vegetarian, it was also fat free and salt free

It was despair on a plate Grin

After that, we went to normal restaurants and she'd have mushroom tacos dripping with melted cheese, or huevos rancheros, soups etc.

Your vegetarian friends sound a bit annoying, but I don't think you can win this one. All you can hope is to encounter a vegi restaurant so dire, it cures them of veggi restaurants!

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD · 24/08/2019 10:59

I am a vegetarian, and I have never been anywhere with six vegetarian options I’ve been veggie since 1984 and I’m still happy if I see 2 veggie options on a menu. Any more and I’m confused.

HunkyDory69 · 24/08/2019 11:00

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 24/08/2019 11:02

The closest I have ever been to doing physical harm to anyone was over this. A few years ago a friend who's veggie and I went to Paris. When we were looking for restaurants we couldn't find anywhere that did anything veggie apart from mushroom risotto. We traipsed around for about 2 hours before finding a veggie restaurant that had more options

I had a similar experience in Italy. We specifically went to a locals' restaurant where the food was 'authentic' for the region and meat-based. It was one of those 'daily' menu affairs whereby you got the game/catch/market special of the day on a short menu. There were also a few staples. I'd chosen the carbonara equivalent without the meat (and was sweating in case I was treated with disdain or if they did not understand) and my carnivore partner (who was asked first) said he wanted the 'pasta with meat sauce'. I about fucking killed him. The lovely waiter turned to him and said 'You do not want the pasta with meat sauce. You come all the way to to eat pasta with meat sauce? You want (gave him three options) of which he chose one. I explained my dilemma and he said 'Madam, you will not have the Carbonara, if like fresh asparagus and mushrooms you will have a dish that our chef will prepare especially for you'. I had that and it was lovely. Partner liked his dinner too.

The next day he insisted on having fucking pasta with fucking meat fucking sauce elsewhere and he complained because it was dull.

AgentJohnson · 24/08/2019 11:07

I’m not a veggie but no of ambiance will make up for little to no options. Would you really expect someone to make do with a veggie burger (and not all veggie burgers are made equal, especially in places where it’s an afterthought) because it had a nice atmosphere. Arrange to east at different establishments if you must but having come back from Greece I’d think it would be a nightmare looking for vegetarian restaurants. As meat eaters, we simply have more choice, always.

Sleepyhead11 · 24/08/2019 11:09

'OK but I'll book so-and-so for the first night just to stop us having the stress of finding somewhere just after we've arrived.'

ememem84 · 24/08/2019 11:18

Oh the traipsing. Dparents have form for this.

The worst was when dh and I met them in Exeter for a weekend (pre dc). We were both stupidly hungover and by the time lunchtime came and we’d finished hangover shopping (not as fun as tipsy drunk shopping...) we were starving. So many places we could have eaten but we had to traipse round looking at menus until we eventually ended up back at the first place we saw. I was just about ready to gnaw my own hand off by this point.

I’m not a veggie but don’t eat much meat. And also hate mushrooms and goats cheese and beetroot. Which seem to be a favourite on veggie options...

Mrsjayy · 24/08/2019 11:22

We are going on holiday with friends soon and I have visions of traipsing the dh of the couple is a bit tight and i think he will want to eat on the cheap reasonable

FizzyPink · 24/08/2019 11:28

I completely feel your pain. I’ve just come back from a holiday where we had this every night based on where the children could eat plain pasta or pizza. Needless to say in a very high end, beach resort the beautiful seafood restaurants I’d love to have eaten in do not serve pasta or pizza!
They’re not my children and I won’t go away with this group again as eating out in lovely places is a big part of my holiday experience.

HavelockVetinari · 24/08/2019 11:28

@Theo32 you sound like a blast, I just bet you have TONS of friends with that attitude... Grin