To not want vegetarians to decide where we eat on holiday!

[indiestarr665]

Myself and a group of friends go on an annual city break, usually to somewhere in eastern europe, and this year’s trip is coming up. Two of our number are vegetarian, and they tend to dominate the decision making when it comes to where we eat. My issue is that this is often at the expense of ambiance and so on - what usually happens is we traipse around, they will look at the menus and reject anywhere that doesn’t have about half a dozen veggie choices, even if it looks really nice and there are one or two options they can go for. We often end up forsaking the most interesting restaurants for places that are mediocre but have numerous veggie options. Worse, they make a beeline for vegetarian or vegan restaurants, the argument being that the rest of us (who are the majority) can eat anything on the menu whereas it doesn’t work the other way round.
I do appreciate that they have less choice, but when visiting a new city I do feel a bit annoyed at not being able to go to places with, say, a great atmosphere, reputation, view, etc etc because the priority is always whether the veggie menu is extensive.
In anticipation of this year’s trip I’ve sent round a list of suggestions of places that are meant to be good and that are ‘vegetarian friendly’ in the hope that we choose restaurants that suit everyone, not just them. But my message has been met with ‘I’m sure we’ll be fine, there are bound to be plenty of places’ which makes me think we’ll end up doing the same old thing of traipsing round. I’ve jokingly said that I don’t want to go to any vegan places, but actually I’m not joking, I really don’t want to! Am I being unreasonable?

and if there wasn't I'd happily go without and just get some bread or snacks in a shop

Gosh you’re nice! Like buggery would I be eating snacks from a shop when everyone else is eating a delicious 3-course meal.

But then, I wouldn’t need to go to the same places as everyone else every night either. Agree with previous posters, just suggest splitting up when there’s somewhere you want to try. You can meet for drinks afterwards.

I'm kind of veggie and also a pain in the arse about food. If they won't take it in turns to choose go separate ways for a couple of nights. Totally unfair to dominate whether you're vege or not!

I am vegetarian and have coeliac disease, and have other food intolerances, so often have little choice as to where I can eat. My friends and family are very accommodating and will eat wherever I can. I am very grateful that they will do this. There are other occasions where I choose not to go out so that they can all go wild at all sorts of carnivorous, gluteny places.

In your situation, I would suggest splitting up occasionally, or trying to persuade the vegetarian to accept the customary limp salad or mushroom bake (I've had plenty of meals I wouldn't have chosen, but don't want to dominate every social gathering).

Hopefully, you can have a sensible discussion about it all with the group.

Take it in turns so that someone picks a place for each meal you eat out?

I'd send them off to eat on their own. Or stop going on these trips with them.

Major part of travelling is trying the local cuisine regardless of if you're a veggie. They shouldn't be limiting your experiences.

YANBU. I was vegetarian for a long time and, if eating with a group, my only requirement for a restaurant would be that there was something on the menu I could eat. It was my choice to be vegetarian and therefore I didn't expect other people to fit around me.

I agree with PPs that you don't all need to eat together every single night. You can split into groups for at least a couple of nights and eat separately, then meet for drinks afterwards.

So don’t all eat together every night. It’s a simple solution.

Thanks so much for all the replies. There are 5 of us, and none of us non-veggies want to cause a conflict so we tend to cave in, whilst secretly feeling frustrated! I think the suggestion of not always eating together is a good one - the veggies are a couple so they may well go for that. I also like the suggestions of taking turns to choose - I might put this to the group and see if they go for it, although it might be deemed as too much pressure!

Veggie here and tbh I get the feeling that they’d be picky eaters no matter what.

I can usually find something on the menu that I’d really enjoy, and as a PP said you’re only going to eat one dish! So I don’t really understand the issue.

(I agree that tomato pasta and mushroom risotto have been done to death.)

Mind you I’m a super-fast reader and quick at making decisions so that helps. I know that some people take ages to decide what they want to order. But honestly

I have a friend that has very selective tastes. She is not a vegetarian but we do end up trapsing around trying to find a restaurant that suits her tastes which doesn't usually match ours. i.e. doesn't like chinese, indian, spanish, anything with sauces etc. We were abroad and another friend pre-booked all the restaurants in advance to avoid this occurring. My friend only eat a portion of chips as that's all that was suitable but everyone loved the different types of restaurants. Could you try pre-book some places? under the guise that they have excellent reviews etc?

I feel your pain op but for me it is because DH and DS are veggies and DS is actually quite a fussy vegetarian. If I am honest I get a bit fed up of always ending up somewhere that does pizza or pasta or veggie burger (pretty much all my 14 year old will eat). It is better when it is DH and I alone as he is much less fussy but I do always feel obliged to make sure he has good options which in some countries really does narrow down the places we can eat. I would say I almost never get to choose where I would actually like to eat because of this

You could put it to them as you don't want to spend yourvevening traipsing for food and do night about being assertive doesn't mean you are putting anybody out.

See this from both perspectives. I’m veggie and don’t eat eggs so I often struggle in restaurants. I don’t insist everyone eats in veggie places but equally more often than not the group pick, and say oh it’s fine for sugar, they do a veggie burger.
Often the veggie option is very samey so I can understand people wanting a variety. That said, I’d never insist everyone eat at a veggie place. I suppose it depends if it’s the majority of your party who are veggie?

Provided there is at least one veggie option, they should fit in with everyone else.

I think vegetarians are fairly well catered for in most places - vegans have it a lot harder. Besides, more choice on a menu, veggie or not, doesn’t make a restaurant better, it just means more freezer food in many cases. YANBU.

The veggie thing wouldn't necessarily annoy me. The traipsing round and not planning in advance would. A lot. Not sure whether that helps or not.

As a veggie who doesn’t eat mushrooms in a family of fussy meat eaters - I get it!

No one should be dominating the decisions. For this reason I have refused to join in with things like ‘everyone takes one night to cook’ because I want to eat my way and I know they do too. If we are away somewhere and there’s a veggie restaurant I really want to try - I’m going one night and will catch them for drinks after. It’s better than resentment from either side.

The problem is that outside of the U.K. (and can happen here) veggie options tend to be either poor or non existent. Take France - refused to make a cheese baguette because it was ham and cheese on the menu (they were being made to order, no language barrier, my friend is French), take Germany veggie options were one baked potato with cheese or .... two baked potatoes with cheese, yes listed as separate items (the cheesey potato dish wasn't veggie despite appearances because they insisted the potatoes had to be fried in pork fat), Italy actually is ok, Spain ok, USA hit and miss (cities fine, rural tricky), Hungary impossible, they just shrugged, even the vegetable soups had live sprinkled on them and contained chicken stock. Far East is the next trip, will be interesting.

Why are the 5 of you not wanting to create a conflict? The 2 vegetarians obviously aren’t bothered. It’s selfish behaviour on their part.

You should be able to eat in interesting restaurants that catch your eye when on holiday. As long as there are a couple of choices they would eat you’re not being unreasonable. Why not take turns picking and if they don’t like that suggest they eat where they want and meet up later.

Sugar I can understand you being peeved if your friends decide for you that a place is ok because it serves a veggie burger! I would never do that!

I book all the restaurants, we go Eastern Europe a lot. I always book the poshest restaurant I can find. We have a vegetarian and a vegan in our group. Once we went to a vegan restaurant and the food was beyond delicious. Another time I ate loads of meat and asked for a vegetarian and vegan option beforehand. Doesn't bother me. Traipsing around would!

Difficult one! I’m veggie and some experiences in restaurants are so often repeated it’s depressing: the words ‘vegetarian option available’ (yes? What is it?) ‘I’m sure chef can knock something up for you’ (omelette and chips again) - the choices of ‘pasta bake’ or ‘stuffed pepper’ if they are feeling a bit edgy. DH and I have had some variable experiences on holiday and tend to bring our sense of humour and a preparedness to mix up a few starters, say, or find things not listed as veggie but which are. I would not want to dictate restaurant choices to friends but it does make a difference to have choices on a menu too. Agree with PP suggesting you eat separately some nights as there’s nothing so galling as knowing some great place to eat is nearby but you have been over-ruled and under-whelmed by your dinner.

I think the suggestion of not always eating together is a good one - the veggies are a couple so they may well go for that.

ah they'll probably enjoy a few meals on there own in that case. I'm part of a veggie couple and I'd be happy to do that, it is pretty shit eating out sometimes, like someone said upthread you usually get the same risotto/shitty pasta choice which is fine once in a while but can get really boring for the whole holiday