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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want vegetarians to decide where we eat on holiday!

274 replies

indiestarr665 · 23/08/2019 15:26

Myself and a group of friends go on an annual city break, usually to somewhere in eastern europe, and this year’s trip is coming up. Two of our number are vegetarian, and they tend to dominate the decision making when it comes to where we eat. My issue is that this is often at the expense of ambiance and so on - what usually happens is we traipse around, they will look at the menus and reject anywhere that doesn’t have about half a dozen veggie choices, even if it looks really nice and there are one or two options they can go for. We often end up forsaking the most interesting restaurants for places that are mediocre but have numerous veggie options. Worse, they make a beeline for vegetarian or vegan restaurants, the argument being that the rest of us (who are the majority) can eat anything on the menu whereas it doesn’t work the other way round.
I do appreciate that they have less choice, but when visiting a new city I do feel a bit annoyed at not being able to go to places with, say, a great atmosphere, reputation, view, etc etc because the priority is always whether the veggie menu is extensive.
In anticipation of this year’s trip I’ve sent round a list of suggestions of places that are meant to be good and that are ‘vegetarian friendly’ in the hope that we choose restaurants that suit everyone, not just them. But my message has been met with ‘I’m sure we’ll be fine, there are bound to be plenty of places’ which makes me think we’ll end up doing the same old thing of traipsing round. I’ve jokingly said that I don’t want to go to any vegan places, but actually I’m not joking, I really don’t want to! Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Mothership4two · 25/08/2019 19:28

@LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD you have beaten me by a few years!

You wouldn't think The Vegetarian Society was nearly 172 years old!

Babysharkisanearworm · 25/08/2019 19:31

If you divide the meals by the number of people and everyone gets to choose where they go them that seems fair. On the understanding it is THEIR choice and not influenced by FOG due to other's requirements.

reginafelangee · 25/08/2019 19:38

Would you be happy to eat somewhere where you only had a few choices on the menu?

It's probably best if you don't all eat together every night as it doesn't sound like any of you are tolerant of each other.

CraftyGin · 25/08/2019 19:39

I never reward fussy eaters.

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD · 25/08/2019 19:41

Mum had a vegetarian teacher when she was at school - and this was before ww2, so it’s definitely been around longer than you’d imagine.

I’ve found more and more ‘vegetarians’ aren’t really - either just cutting out ‘cute’ meat (no lamb or veal but merrily eat ugly old chickens) or carnivore on certain days/when it suits them. And making such a big song and dance for Veganary!

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD · 25/08/2019 19:43

It’s actually harder to eat with another member of the family who can’t eat certain foods (or he will be a bloody mess and I mean that literally). Neither this nor being a veggie is a ‘fussy eater’.

GirlRaisedInTheSouth · 25/08/2019 23:35

I never reward fussy eaters.

What an ignorant comment!

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 25/08/2019 23:38

I’m vegan and tbh as long as I can eat something (even a few sides) I’m not fussed as I’d rather rest of party eats well

RiftGibbon · 25/08/2019 23:39

In answer to my earlier post, I am not asking for compensation. I want to talk to them about their menu.
They could easily have produced pasta with tomato sauce, or a risotto, or even, I dunno something complex like a jacket potato.
The options were a hot meal, a salad, and a single dessert. They didn't have the hot meal or the dessert.
I don't think that is good enough.

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD · 26/08/2019 08:22

I had a plate of roast potatoes at a recent family gathering. That and some fruit. That was all that didn’t have meat in it. What can you do, eh?

RiftGibbon · 26/08/2019 08:44

Lord that's sort of underpinning my point; family gathering - I would love expect to take something. A restaurant that can provide over 40 menu choices - I would expect them to be able to offer an alternative (cook something) if 2/3 of what was meant to be available wasn't.

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD · 26/08/2019 08:47

Well I was more amused than anything at this stage. We’d just had a horrible diagnosis and this was clouding everything really. We were stating and it was beyond the back of beyond.

milliefiori · 26/08/2019 09:15

vegan is not.

The NHS and the British Dietetic Association disagree with you.

Maybe, but only if you can control what you eat, mainly by cooking it yourself. I have a lovely vegan friend who I work with a few weeks a year in a situation where we rely on catering. Her options are dismal. The caterers have known she's vegan for years yet they offer her overcooked pasta with some green beans stirred in. Just no sense of an actual recipe. She cant eat the salads from the massive salad bar as they toss parmesan or bacon or smoked ham into everything.

I've watched her be given a big mushroom in a white bread bap at a celebratory dinner when the rest of us are getting really good quality food. She never seems to have any protein. I presume she cooks well at home, but out and about she seems to live on dry white bread.

PurpleDaisies · 26/08/2019 16:00

I had a plate of roast potatoes at a recent family gathering. That and some fruit.

You were lucky they weren’t cooked in goose fat. My last family gathering I ate boiled veg.

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD · 26/08/2019 16:03

I saw the olive oil!

BitOfANameChange · 26/08/2019 16:34

I'm not veggie, but I hate traipsing around to "look at all the menus". I had this for so many years with my ex, from well before we had the DCs.

We'd be on holiday, go looking for somewhere to eat, only for my very fussy ex to keep saying "let's look at the next one". It drove me mad, I'd be quite hungry at that point.

Mothership4two · 29/08/2019 06:16

You were lucky they weren’t cooked in goose fat. My last family gathering I ate boiled veg

Had boiled veg for a Christmas meal once. Went to my parents and my dm wasn't feeling 100%, so dd cooked and put roast veg and potatoes in turkey fat. Had lots of (vegetarian) mince pies as compensation Grin

ContessaLovesTheSunshine · 29/08/2019 06:33

I haven't read the thread, but wanted to recommend the Happy Cow app/webpage. It searches in your chosen area and brings up places with veggie/vegan options, so everyone is catered for. I'm currently on holiday with omni DH and DC and it's a lifesaver!

Mothership4two · 02/09/2019 03:00

Thanks Contessa - from a veggie

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 02/09/2019 05:49

if you choose to have a restricted diet, you really can't be surprised when there is also restricted menu choices to go along with that.

Someone please tell me, we are still in 2019, we haven't gone back a few decades?

How would the passage of years somehow change simple obvious logic?

If I wanted to buy a used car but had decided (for whatever reason) that I would never consider a red, blue, black or green one, it wouldn't come as a surprise to me that I would have much less choice at the dealership than somebody who didn't care what colour theirs was. It doesn't make my choices or reasons any less valid or important; just that I have begun my decision-making process having already excluded a large number of potential options. The other customer will also most likely end up with just one car, same as me, but via a different choice 'journey'.

I'm not particularly keen on fish; no dietary or ethical reasons, just not that big a fan - so I never bother looking at the fish sections on menus. Therefore, I'm choosing to self-restrict and reduce my options.

Whether I avoid fish because I don't especially like fish, object morally to eating fish or am severely allergic to fish is irrelevant - it still means that my choices have been limited. The only difference is that, in the first two scenarios, I have chosen that whereas in the third, it was never an option for me (assuming that knowingly making myself very ill or even killing myself is not up for consideration).

YouAreTheEggManIAmTheWalrus · 22/11/2019 23:25

I'm just shocked people still think dairy is healthy in 2019, "because it's on the food pyramid" despite the mountains of scientific evidence and masses of peer reviewed papers to the contrary. Not to mention the links to breast cancer (recent news stated the US were going to label cheese with "causes cancer" in the way cigarettes are) and osteoporosis due to calcium leach. The level of willful ignorance is frightening.

Oatgroat · 23/11/2019 11:38

I would normally choose a vegan option and I'd be much happier to eat separately and then meet later for drinks. I hate restricting what others eat, but I'm also pretty miserable when I'm faced with a side salad and a roll while everyone else tucks into three courses.

I'm lucky because most of the people I know are vegan curious and want to try healthy options which they wouldn't normally choose. But there are a few who will deliberately insist on places that have nothing I want to eat. Literally nothing. I've learned to pre-eat just in case, so I can watch them stuff their faces and not bat an eyelid. Harder to do on a city break though, if you're not self catering, so in that case I'd prefer the separate meal.

HouseworkAvoider10 · 23/11/2019 11:47

Yeah i had a weekend away hijacked by a vegetarian.
eats were very limited because of her.
I wouldn't holiday with a vegetarian again.

OnGoldenPond · 23/11/2019 13:00

My veggie DD found lots of choice in Budapest, better than London in her opinion. Seems to be part of the culture there. Possibly a good option for the next trip?

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