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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want vegetarians to decide where we eat on holiday!

274 replies

indiestarr665 · 23/08/2019 15:26

Myself and a group of friends go on an annual city break, usually to somewhere in eastern europe, and this year’s trip is coming up. Two of our number are vegetarian, and they tend to dominate the decision making when it comes to where we eat. My issue is that this is often at the expense of ambiance and so on - what usually happens is we traipse around, they will look at the menus and reject anywhere that doesn’t have about half a dozen veggie choices, even if it looks really nice and there are one or two options they can go for. We often end up forsaking the most interesting restaurants for places that are mediocre but have numerous veggie options. Worse, they make a beeline for vegetarian or vegan restaurants, the argument being that the rest of us (who are the majority) can eat anything on the menu whereas it doesn’t work the other way round.
I do appreciate that they have less choice, but when visiting a new city I do feel a bit annoyed at not being able to go to places with, say, a great atmosphere, reputation, view, etc etc because the priority is always whether the veggie menu is extensive.
In anticipation of this year’s trip I’ve sent round a list of suggestions of places that are meant to be good and that are ‘vegetarian friendly’ in the hope that we choose restaurants that suit everyone, not just them. But my message has been met with ‘I’m sure we’ll be fine, there are bound to be plenty of places’ which makes me think we’ll end up doing the same old thing of traipsing round. I’ve jokingly said that I don’t want to go to any vegan places, but actually I’m not joking, I really don’t want to! Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
sorenipples · 23/08/2019 17:33

If they are strict vegetarian they may not consider all the options available suitable (for example meat stock in the mushroom rissotto, lard, animal rennet in cheese, beef powder on chips) and so feel more comfortable in a exclusively vegetarian place.

Having said that, if this is the case they should still be more considerate of the non vegetarians and eat seperately or put up with simple "safe" food.

They could also save a lot of time with some research, and maybe find out which local dishes are strict vegetarian as well as finding restaurants .

milliefiori · 23/08/2019 17:37

I used to go on holiday with a group of friends who ended up not inviting the vegetarians because they got so bored traipsing around {aris dithering and rejecting endless lovely restaurants.

PurpleDaisies · 23/08/2019 17:38

If they are strict vegetarian they may not consider all the options available suitable (for example meat stock in the mushroom rissotto, lard, animal rennet in cheese, beef powder on chips)

That’s not being a strict vegetarian. That’s being a vegetarian. Confused

Fluffycloudland77 · 23/08/2019 17:41

@indiestarr665

New Zealand lamb is all non halal. I only buy nz lamb now.

roundturnandtwohalfhitches · 23/08/2019 17:43

IME there's usually one person or couple on a group holiday who is infuriating about food. The one who is fussy but swears they aren't. The ones who say they don't care where you eat but screw their nose up at every restaurant menu. This weekend we have our indecisive friends coming who only eat high end because they are 'foodies'. But they don't plan or book and we end up doing the traipsing, finding no space and then ending up somewhere shit they complain about endlessly. It's fucking annoying. You need to tell them you're not doing the traipsing around thing again and that planning in advance is what's happening.

NoSquirrels · 23/08/2019 17:44

I think you’re not being emphatic enough about what you DO want, is the issue.

So you sent the veggie-friendly options and they reacted to it as if the idea of pre-planning wasn’t necessary. And it’s not, from their POV, because they aren’t the unsatisfied ones.

So you need to say more explicitly “I really want to eat here or here when we’re in X. Which do you all prefer and I will book it.”

If they then say “Blah blah spontaneity” then you can say “OK, but I really do want to go to one of those places while we’re there so if you don’t let me know and I’ll just book for whoever else fancies it and we can split up one night.”

That’s not unreasonable, it’s just assertive.

cardibach · 23/08/2019 17:58

So you would be just fine going to restaurants which only had a couple of things you could eat on the mention or better yet didn't even tell you what the option was but just listed "indiestar option"?
Actually, I would @C8H10N4O2
I’ve been to several restaurants in the past where there is no choice, they cook what they cook and you eat it or not. And others with maybe 3 choices per course. It’s quite normal.

yikesanddang · 23/08/2019 17:58

They only need to have enough choices for them to have their meal. It is irrelevant if there are 2 or 16 choices. If there is only 1 choice but they like it, then why can't they go there? Why do they need a huge choice when they are standing outside and reading the menu anyway. Once they are in, they are not going to choose all the choices, just one. YANBU. Tell them you will eat seperatly.

yikesanddang · 23/08/2019 18:00

Fluffycloudland77 hate to tell you, but while there are no official statistics on halal production in New Zealand, nearly all of New Zealand's red meat export slaughter premises are certified to undertake slaughter in compliance with halal requirements. So you have no idea if the NZ lamb you are eating is Halal or not.

Fluffycloudland77 · 23/08/2019 18:03

Oh no, I thought they’d banned it completely.

NoSquirrels · 23/08/2019 18:07

I think on most menus people naturally narrow their options down to 1 or 2 they fancy per course. So if they like the vegetarian options on offer there’s no issue. But if the menu is 1 pasta dish, or a goat cheese tart, and you hate goat cheese or you’ve eaten pasta twice that week already it can be tricky. And then you need to please 2 people who are veggie with different likes and dislikes...

Really, I think the issue is not so much the veggie stuff but the preference to not plan vs OP wanting to go to particular places. Everyone can get what they want, with a bit of compromise.

Chloemol · 23/08/2019 18:07

Don’t all eat together then. I feel they want to eat veggie and you don’t like the look of the place then go elsewhere with others in the group rather than being dictated to by two people with a different lifestyle choice to you. That’s what I would do

Weston14 · 23/08/2019 18:09

YANBU. Ages ago I texted around my friends inviting them for a spontaneous meal out to a restaurant I really wanted to try after receiving a bit of good personal news. One of my friends texts back asking if X, a vegetarian and someone I'm friendly with but to nowhere near the extent of the people I invited, could come as they were meant to be seeing each other that night. That's fine I say. We all live very local so we all met up before heading to the restaurant. I explained about the place we were meant to be trying (for context, a tapas restaurant with plenty of veggie options, hardly an asado place), to which X turns up her nose at all of said veggie options, pulls a bit of a "Well it's your night but..." routine (i.e. it's your night but like fuck am I going to this place), and to cut a long story short we ended up in fucking Bella Italia. Confused

So so petty of me but I've never quite forgiven X for hijacking my meal when she was one of about 8 of us to suit her own dietary requirements. Come to think of it she actually has form for pulling a bit of a strop to get her own way... going off on tangent

CCCC12 · 23/08/2019 18:11

As someone who is vegetarian it's a downer when you can only eat roast aubergine or tomato pasta on holiday.

Usually there are places that have good options - I recently went to Bratislava and had loads of amazing restaurants (good for veggies and not).

Reminds me of when I went away once and someone insisted on going to steak restaurant..... and I ate a portion of fries and starved.

Search in advance and suggest some inclusive places you want to go ffs.

NoSquirrels · 23/08/2019 18:15

Search in advance and suggest some inclusive places you want to go ffs.

Er, CC did you not read the OP at all?Confused That’s exactly what the OP did, and the vegetarians knocked it back even though she’d found restaurants to suit them.

sanmiguel · 23/08/2019 18:16

As a veggie, I have also encountered the chips and side salad meal, or occasionally the tomato pasta. I also want to experience new food, nice views, ambience and culture etc but sadly, as a veggie who prefers vegan foods rather than a great heap of melted cheese, this isn't always forthcoming unless I research.

I'd therefore be perfectly happy to scour trip advisor in advance if I was going somewhere where veggie food was likely to be limited and also echo the suggestion of doing one night at a veggie or vegan place that gives the veggies the same choice as you have every time you eat out.

I'm sure you can come to a compromise. Tbh it sounds like you don't like them all that much, as this is perfectly common situation that you work around! My parents are typical meat potato veg type people and wouldn't call it a meal without gravy. We've had similar situations on holiday trying to suit them, or son as he was growing up and was a fussier eater than he is now. It's just what you do if you're a pleasant person, surely?!

Twillow · 23/08/2019 18:20

Can't you take turns to choose?

CCCC12 · 23/08/2019 18:21

@sanmiguel PRECISELY THIS

Went on a two week family holiday - 9 adults 6 kids. Of the adults there were 2 vegans, a vegetarian and 3 whose ideal holiday is nothing but red mean. On top of that 2 kids who are celiac.

Had a great managed to eat out in different places, no arguments - just discussed around the pool and agreed, or looked at menus as we were walking into town the night before.

Don't think the issue is your friends being vegetarian...

cheesydoesit · 23/08/2019 18:36

CCC and sanmiguel, the OP has researched veggie restaurants in advance to avoid unnecessary traipsing and her veggie friends didn't want to know. They seem to like traipsing which is the problem, not their diet.

joyfullittlehippo · 23/08/2019 18:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BarbariansMum · 23/08/2019 18:42

Not veggie but coeliac. When I go out w a group my only stipulation is that there is at least 1 thing on the menu I can eat. Unless it's a meal to celebrate my birthday, then I choose.

joyfullittlehippo · 23/08/2019 18:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pinkyredrose · 23/08/2019 18:42

Weston why did you allow her to hijack your meal? Confused

ltk · 23/08/2019 18:50

Just use HappyCow to find an agreeable restaurant or cafe and agree on a time and place to eat. If they really like traipsing and perusing menus - leave them to it. It's clearly what they like to do on holiday. Tell them you will be eating at place X and then going to Museum Y, and you can all text later to meet up.

Craftycorvid · 23/08/2019 18:51

Our most ‘ahem’ challenging experiences have been in Germany and France. Just nothing on offer in Germany in one hotel - we ended up with chips and salad. In one place in France we were sent to a separate area of the hotel dining room - did the walk of shame with the words ‘where are the vegetarians?’ ringing in our ears Grin. To be fair: meat eaters can have a lovely meal in a veggie restaurant but the reverse does not apply.