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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want vegetarians to decide where we eat on holiday!

274 replies

indiestarr665 · 23/08/2019 15:26

Myself and a group of friends go on an annual city break, usually to somewhere in eastern europe, and this year’s trip is coming up. Two of our number are vegetarian, and they tend to dominate the decision making when it comes to where we eat. My issue is that this is often at the expense of ambiance and so on - what usually happens is we traipse around, they will look at the menus and reject anywhere that doesn’t have about half a dozen veggie choices, even if it looks really nice and there are one or two options they can go for. We often end up forsaking the most interesting restaurants for places that are mediocre but have numerous veggie options. Worse, they make a beeline for vegetarian or vegan restaurants, the argument being that the rest of us (who are the majority) can eat anything on the menu whereas it doesn’t work the other way round.
I do appreciate that they have less choice, but when visiting a new city I do feel a bit annoyed at not being able to go to places with, say, a great atmosphere, reputation, view, etc etc because the priority is always whether the veggie menu is extensive.
In anticipation of this year’s trip I’ve sent round a list of suggestions of places that are meant to be good and that are ‘vegetarian friendly’ in the hope that we choose restaurants that suit everyone, not just them. But my message has been met with ‘I’m sure we’ll be fine, there are bound to be plenty of places’ which makes me think we’ll end up doing the same old thing of traipsing round. I’ve jokingly said that I don’t want to go to any vegan places, but actually I’m not joking, I really don’t want to! Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
HeronLanyon · 23/08/2019 16:40

Agree France is still pretty terrible for non meat eaters. One reason I hardly ever go there. Spain? Italy? Greece? India? Etc Bring it on. In fact my travel is largely determined by the ability to eat fantastic food without hangry traipsing around !

dayslikethese1 · 23/08/2019 16:40

What did they think was wrong with the list you sent them? Sounds like you had done some research in advance which is a good thing surely. I hate traipsing too. I don't eat meat normally but will eat what is available and I like trying local dishes. Your friends sounds a little rigid. I have plenty of veggie/vegan friends and they don't dictate every restaurant choice like that.

Deathraystare · 23/08/2019 16:41

Interesting that PP mentions Paris, IME France is the worst country for vegetarian food. I swear I almost starved to death last time I was there!

Oh yes! I went there with a meat eating friend. was happy to go to any pizza place with her even though I am not fond of it. For fun we tried a veggie restaurant in France. It was dire. One of those 70's 'worthy' cardboard tasting places. Urgh!

Funnily enough I normally do ok abroad even in Eastern Europe. The worst holiday I had was in Jersey! The portuguese staff hadn't a clue. I gave them a list of things I normally eat and the chef showed me some packet food......

Even in Albania which was fairly new to an tourist when I went, managed to rustle up a meal (mainly the same thing each day - sheep cheese, spinach and rice - but it was tasty). One day we had borek, too.

I understand that now it has really opened up for tourists.

Grambler · 23/08/2019 16:43

I think the issue is the traipsing Look at tripadvisor, look at some online menus and make then some bookings. Take the hangriness out of the equation.

Podwoman888 · 23/08/2019 16:45

This is ridiculous.
I am a veggie and, as others have said, would be grateful for just ONE option !
Let these prima donnas go their own way and you eat where you want.
If they won't compromise maybe you should re-think who you want for your holiday campanions?

sweeneytoddsrazor · 23/08/2019 16:45

As a vegetarian I wouldn't expect to oi k every night but I also wouldn't want to eat the same thing every night so maybe compromise with a night of meat eaters choice and a night of vegetarian choice. There are so many lovely vegetarian meals now its a bit sad when you go somewhere and your choice is pasta/veg lasagna or salad.

dayslikethese1 · 23/08/2019 16:45

I think if you're veggie/vegan you do have to be prepared to do some pre-planning/looking so if they refuse to do this but then have lots of requirements that seems a bit unreasonable. My DSis is vegan and has travelled all over Europe. She says she always finds somewhere but she researches first (uses the Happy Cow app etc.) so it is possible but you can't expect it to just 'appear'.

AryaStarkWolf · 23/08/2019 16:49

I am a veggie and, as others have said, would be grateful for just ONE option !

it gets old when that one option is risotto every night/everywhere though tbf. But I'd have no problem eating with the other veggie and meeting up after if I wasn't happy with the food where ever the non veggies wanted to go

muldoon1234 · 23/08/2019 16:50

How about everyone plan where they would like to eat during the trip then everyone knows where you are going and have a turn . You’d feel better eating veggy/vegan anyway x

SavingSpaces2019 · 23/08/2019 16:51

So basically you've all been allowing this couple to control and dictate the holiday?
They don't like planning, only want to eat in their own chosen places after traipsing around - leave them to it.
They're free to spend their holiday as they wish.

The rest of you don't need to go along with it like a bunch of saps!
Nobody is joint at the hip physically, go do you own plans and things and arrange to meet up for a meal in the evenings - taking turns to choose of course.

I think you all know deep down that going on holiday with this overbearing couple is a mistake - but you're all too chicken shit to say or do anything!

Jaxhog · 23/08/2019 16:53

It has to be a compromise! I must admit I'd hate to eat with anyone if it means traipsing around from place to place. I'd get very hangry with that. Let them go on their own at least half the time.

rookiemere · 23/08/2019 16:55

Oh we had this in my old team at work. One ridiculously fussy eater - wasn't vegetarian and said he didn't have any foods he couldn't eat - but vetoed all our monthly restaurant choices for various paltry reasons. Only place he seemed truly happy at was the - ok but not every time - Chinese buffet. And then nine out of ten times he then wouldn't come for again spurious reasons.

In this scenario OP can you do a bit of pre research on the city. Pick a few restaurants that look nice and have reasonable vegetarian options - maybe print out a few menus. Tell people you'd be really keen to eat a restaurant A , but if they prefer something else then you can split up or ta dah here are some other menus to have a look at and all this can be done at breakfast or on the plane so no hangry discussions.

Cryalot2 · 23/08/2019 16:56

I like the idea that you all choose where to eat, or go to separate places

Littlechocola · 23/08/2019 16:59

When we go away we take in turns of choosing where we eat.
I’m vegetarian but have sat in many steak restaurants and happily waited until ‘my’ night (which isn’t always somewhere exclusively veggie).

goodwinter · 23/08/2019 17:04

Btw, it's nice to see a thread about vegetarians on here where everyone's being positive and constructive.

Littlechocola · 23/08/2019 17:08

@goodwinter it won’t last Grin

Saracen · 23/08/2019 17:08

You say they are not the planning sort, but they don't have to decide ahead of time. They can be as spontaneous as they like so long as they don't impose their traipsing on you. You can do your research and choose a few places you'd like to try, and tell people ahead of time, "I am really looking forward to trying these few restaurants! Here are links to their menus. I am going to this one for dinner Tuesday and this one for lunch Thursday. Have a look at the menu and anybody who wants to can join me! Obviously there isn't a lot of veggie choice so maybe some people will prefer to eat elsewhere."

Vanhi · 23/08/2019 17:18

I'm pescetarian and the addition of fish opens up a few more options. I still don't expect to dictate where a group eats though. The only time I get frustrated is in England when people are choosing an Indian restaurant and choose one with very few vegetarian options, when so much Indian cuisine is vegetarian. The heavily meat-laden stuff is generally more of an adaptation to the English market and some really great Indian restaurants do lovely veggie food, and lots of it.

skybluee · 23/08/2019 17:19

Have a look in advance.
If you google there are a lot of articles: '21 vegan restaurants in Paris' etc.

I'd take it in turns to pick a restaurant.
But, make them aware that it will be a better experience if it's planned rather than just hoping to stumble on somewhere. You'll find somewhere much nicer with a bit of research in advance!

tomatostottie · 23/08/2019 17:25

Yeah this is a bit of a pain and some Eastern European countries are not that great for vegetarian options.
I think that you either need to split up as suggested above or take turns to choose (and anyone who doesn't want to go with the choice of the person whose turn it is, is free to go elsewhere).
Or maybe more planning needs to go into this beforehand. It sounds like a bit of a bore and removes the spontaneity but why not look at tripadvisor reviews for restaurants with good vegetarian options. Lots of restaurants have websites with the menus so you could plan before you get to the city. Lonely planet also often has good suggestions too.

I've done this in recent years for city breaks so that I already have a couple of options in mind - it removes the need for endless traipsing around trying to find something suitable. I was recently in Moscow and for a week and had picked out 5 or so restaurants beforehand that looked good - we went to 3 of them in the end and on the other evenings to places we had stumbled across. I'm glad researched beforehand because we were completely bamboozled by the array of choice of restaurants and types of food on offer and too much choice is not always a good thing!

purpleleotard · 23/08/2019 17:25

Been there.
I just accidentally on purpose got lost and went for a meal where I wanted to eat.

TriciaH87 · 23/08/2019 17:25

Fairly simple really. The veggies go where they want a couple night you all go where you want on those nights. Then a few days at places you all agree. Don't have to eat together every night.

QuimReaper · 23/08/2019 17:29

Traipsing for a restaurant DRIVES ME INSANE. I agree with Spuriouser, that's definitely the problem here! My husband and I have a tradition on holiday that whilst I'm faffing about getting ready to go out for dinner, he looks on TripAdvisor to find the best-rated restaurant within a reasonable distance, to avoid traipsing / shit meals.

OP, as the organised one who has done your research, faced with people who refuse to plan, you can absolutely just take charge here.

"Right, for dinner tonight I've found this restaurant on X street which has great reviews and a vege-friendly menu. Is everyone happy with that? Good, let's go."

If there's any resistance:

"Sure, do you have another suggestion? I'm not wedded to X place, what I want to avoid is us wandering around for ages trying to find somewhere."

Once you've put your cards plainly on the table, and provided a reasonable alternative to traipsing, I think you'll find they end up falling into line pretty quickly. If they insist on "looking around", and it turns into a traipse with people start getting hangry, you can pointedly say "this is what I was trying to avoid. Tomorrow, let's decide in advance where we want to eat". Another thing you could think about is keeping an eye out for good restaurants during your daytime activities; if you spot somewhere you like the look of, you could summon everyone to inspect the menu and get them all to agree you'll eat there later. That way you can incorporate the traipsing into sightseeing.

(Might come back to bite you in the arse of course, when you end up being in charge of all restaurant choices for every holiday Grin )

QuimReaper · 23/08/2019 17:30

Basically what I'm saying is, I think you need to become a bit bossy-schoolteacherish about it!

nutbrownhare15 · 23/08/2019 17:32

Veggie here too. YANBU. I'd push back if you can and say 'I'm sure there will, but this hol I'm keen to pin down a couple of good restaurants to go to so we can make the most of our evening and don't spend a lot of time looking for a place that suits everyone. Hope that's ok with everyone.'

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