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AIBU?

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Original poster

It's just oranges. I need to let it go. Why am I so pissed off??

233 replies

NoDontLookAtMeImShy · 23/08/2019 15:19

DS (8) ate 4 oranges a couple of weeks ago.
Bought some more, I told him not to eat 4, so he took the whole packet and said he would eat 5 Hmm

He refused to put them back, I confiscated his phone he had a tantrum that I haven't seen since he was 3.

Roll on 3 weeks and I bought some oranges an hour ago.
We all like the bloody oranges.
I go up stairs to settle the baby, come back down and he's eaten all of them.

I was supposed to take him to the park for ice cream but now I'm so livid he's in his room and I said no to park and ice cream because he's been selfish.

But it's just oranges, I should let it go shouldn't I?

We were all looking forward to getting out and enjoying the sun. I'm just so pissed off with him doing whatever the fuck he pleases.

OP posts:
steppemum · 23/08/2019 15:53

it is all about boundaries isn't it?

But he is 8, so teachable. I would sit down with him and talk about the whole house. Ask him what you and dh/siblings are going to eat for fruit today?
What about tomorrow?
And the next day? You weren't planning on going back to the shop until Monday?

Make HIM think it through, rather than tell him he is being selfish.

Then very calmly put a rule in place - 2 pieces of fruit per day per person (or whatever). State the consequence too, eg his pocket money is docked

origamiunicorn · 23/08/2019 15:53

Does it matter if its oranges or bread or chocolate. The point is they were for everybody and that isnt fair. I could eat a tin of roses in one sitting but if I had purchased them for the family that would be greedy, unkind and rude.

This!

Can't understand PPs saying it's just fruit. It's not what he's eating it's the fact he's purposely doing something he's been told not to, he's being greedy and selfish.

Derbee · 23/08/2019 15:53

He sounds like he’s hungry and he likes oranges. Make sure he’s eating enough, and buy more oranges. I don’t see the problem. You can make everything into a battle of wills if you want to, but it doesn’t make your life easier and it won’t improve your relationship with your kids

nothingsreallynewunderthesun · 23/08/2019 15:54

Exactly as MrsTerryPratchet suggests.

Also as your having issues with behaviour go back to basics - frame instructions positively:

I've bought oranges, there are one/ two each.

Not don't eat all the oranges.

It's toddler psychology, but if you say "don't" it's so tempting to defy and do the forbidden thing. Instead achieve the same by allowing something - there are 6 oranges, you're allowed to eat 2, 2 are for dad and 2 for me.

Also offer choices:

Would you rather have an ice-cream in the park after you've had one orange, or eat five oranges and not have an ice-cream when I get myself one in the park?

Most 8 year olds don't need such conscious behaviour management but if he's having a difficult phase, go back to basics.

Arbitrary punishment unrelated to the "crime" generally teaches nothing and is just a power struggle which you'll win with an 8 year old but won't always, and sets up parenting as a series of battles in a war you're trying to win, instead of you teaching him how to control himself and make good decisions.

Derbee · 23/08/2019 15:54

I also think making big issues around food is best avoided

Josephinebettany · 23/08/2019 15:54

Can you not just buy oranges more often?

UnderHisEyeBall · 23/08/2019 15:54

Bought some more, I told him not to eat 4, so he took the whole packet and said he would eat 5

Why are people being so obtuse? The above shows a real attitude problem. He's 8! And he's not going to be popular with that attitude.

BertrandRussell · 23/08/2019 15:55

He’s perfectly old enough to know that if you’re in a family you don’t eat all the food. I can’t believe people are saying this is OK.

I’m with you, OP.

Northernlass99 · 23/08/2019 15:55

It's not just about oranges, its testing boundaries, respect and not thinking of others. Your solution re using the ice cream money is spot on.

nothingsreallynewunderthesun · 23/08/2019 15:57

allteanoshade diarrhea and abdominal cramps would be a natural consequence! Far more likely to learn from that than utterly random unconnected seething, cancellation of a trip to the park and phone confiscation!

In reality very few people would actually get diarrhea and abdominal cramps from five satsumas though...

flouncyfanny · 23/08/2019 15:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsTerryPratchett · 23/08/2019 15:59

Glad it worked out. I find that helping them reach solutions, rather than punishing, works well. The solution needs to be a bit shit for them but because it's framed as a solution to an issue, they tend to go along with it more.

And it's not you vs. them it's sympathetic mummy trying to solve an issue. You're both on the same 'side' but the problem has to be solved. They still get punished but don't blame you rather than the situation they created.

I bloody love natural consequences.

BEDinhalfanhour · 23/08/2019 15:59

They say any attention (good or bad) is still attention. Maybe he is feeling a bit homesick?

My DD will do anything for attention. I have tried most things Confused

Give him an apple, it might keep him quiet last longer Grin

Sleepathon · 23/08/2019 16:00

I think you’re overreacting

MrsTerryPratchett · 23/08/2019 16:00

Oh and it tends to affect behaviour more widely. No anxiety because they feel they messed up. If they mess up it's "what can you do to fix this?" They get to fix the issue and feel better.

AryaStarkWolf · 23/08/2019 16:01

WOW. 8 year old eats fruit. mum goes mental.

buy 2 bags of oranges, 1 for him 1 for everyone else

a whole bag in one go after he was told not, first of all, he'll probably end up with the shits after eating a whole bag of oranges, secondly it's selfish behaviour

NeedingAdvice29 · 23/08/2019 16:03

Laughing at the posters outraged at the thought an 8yo has a phone. None of anyone’s business what age a child has a mobile.

Zakana · 23/08/2019 16:03

It’s just oranges, I get that he’s been told already, I buy two lots in our house, but my DD 17 is the only one that eats a whole bag of oranges in one go anyway, no one else even looks at them. When she gets the shits from the vitamin c overdose, I just give her two loperamide and remind her of the orange fest she had the day before. She still does it, she’s addicted! Good idea though about the ice cream money instead for the replacement oranges, but it is still just oranges and they are not so expensive anymore. The only fruit my DD eats is oranges in their various forms but she never gets a cold so I assume apart from giving her the shits, they actually help her immune system!

katewhinesalot · 23/08/2019 16:04

It's not the oranges, it's the attitude.

Good resolution op. You can't let this incidence go but you've dealt with it fairly and made the point.

TheBigFatMermaid · 23/08/2019 16:05

I would indeed hide the oranges if he is repeatedly eating more than his fair share. I have a locked cupboard in my kitchen, in that we store crisps, chocolate, sweets, squash, all the things that we can that DD has no self control over. She is now 14, but I am convinced she has ADHD and the lack of self control that comes with it. In order to stop he eating all the food, she has to ask for it from the cupboard. This saves us going without and her getting told off.

The fruit bowl seems to be reasonably safe though.

nothingsreallynewunderthesun · 23/08/2019 16:10

NoDontLookAtMeImShy the ice-cream money to buy oranges is an excellent solution! That kind of thinking is the way to make progress with his behaviour. Consequences which actually make logical, natural sense, therefore teach rather than punish.

CurlyWurlyTwirly · 23/08/2019 16:14

When you say little oranges, 4 little ones isn’t loads.
It’s not like he scoffed a bag of sweets or biscuits or something.
Are you on a low income?
Otherwise I think you’re having a huge overreaction

ginghamstarfish · 23/08/2019 16:14

He sounds selfish and disrespectful. Yes, there need to be consequences for poor behaviour and acting like that towards you, but if he's been brought up like that then you need to start instilling some discipline pronto.

nothingsreallynewunderthesun · 23/08/2019 16:17

GibbonLover phone removal is completely arbitrary and totally unconnected to what he actually did. Punishments like that are solely about power and showing the weaker party who's boss. They work for a while but the child learns only that the parent currently holds more power - that's all.

The natural consequence of using the money intended for the child's ice-cream to replace the oranges actually makes sense and follows as a consequence of the child's actions, therefore the child thinks and learns and understands that actions have consequences.

Punishing arbitrarily merely creates children who consider the odds of getting caught, not the consequences of their actions.

Notverygrownup · 23/08/2019 16:17

Glad it's sorted.

On the bright side - you know what to get him for Christmas this year! Smile