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AIBU?

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Original poster

It's just oranges. I need to let it go. Why am I so pissed off??

233 replies

NoDontLookAtMeImShy · 23/08/2019 15:19

DS (8) ate 4 oranges a couple of weeks ago.
Bought some more, I told him not to eat 4, so he took the whole packet and said he would eat 5 Hmm

He refused to put them back, I confiscated his phone he had a tantrum that I haven't seen since he was 3.

Roll on 3 weeks and I bought some oranges an hour ago.
We all like the bloody oranges.
I go up stairs to settle the baby, come back down and he's eaten all of them.

I was supposed to take him to the park for ice cream but now I'm so livid he's in his room and I said no to park and ice cream because he's been selfish.

But it's just oranges, I should let it go shouldn't I?

We were all looking forward to getting out and enjoying the sun. I'm just so pissed off with him doing whatever the fuck he pleases.

OP posts:
Goldenbear · 24/08/2019 12:34

I agree with Mistlewoeandwine. OP, have you read the, 'How to talk' books, I'd recommend doing so if not. This is taken from the book but I agree with it, the trouble with having a 'consequence rather than a' punishment', is that there is no difference in a child's mind; equally, you can't let a child experience the natural outcome of their behaviour in many situations as it is very dangerous, you therefore can't follow a natural consequences style of parenting consistently and it weakens a parent's position. Missing out the ice cream is a punishment to him however you put it. Did the punishment work last time? No it didn't, so why do you think it will stop him doing this again? You have to address the problem and find the solution, why is he wanting so many satsumas? I personally don't think this is a 'problem' but it's being made in to one. Four satsumas is not vast and it's distinctly different to consuming four mars bars but if it is a 'problem' why not find a solution rather than punishing him?

RedOnes · 24/08/2019 14:50

FFS buy more fruit if there’s not enough for everyone

You've either 1 nrtft or 2 missing the whole point.

BertrandRussell · 24/08/2019 15:12

“Four satsumas is not vast and it's distinctly different to consuming four mars bars“
If the satsumas or the mars bars were intended to go round a family then there is no difference at all if one member of the family ate them all. Because it’s about community life, not about what the item concerned was.

Moveoverplease · 24/08/2019 15:30

For goodness sake!!!!

IT'S NOT ABOUT THE FRUIT

IT'S THE FACT HE WAS TOLD NOT TO EAT ALL OF THEM BECAUSE THEY WERE MEANT FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY!

The issue is he deliberately disobeyed his mum, several times, and sharing is part of being a family, you think of others, eating all the oranges was just selfish as it meant there were none left for anyone else.

For all you know the shop could be a 30 minute drive away, or their budget might only stretch to 1 bag a week.

it's his attitude that's the issue.

Igetknockeddownbutgetupagain · 24/08/2019 15:34

I think, as the OP suggests, the problem is less about the oranges, and more about that fact DS knew not to take them all, but still did.

You’ve made sure he knows there is a consequence to that action, good on you OP.

Does he get pocket money? Could it be suggested that as he eats so many he needs to buy his own bag, alongside the family bag, if he loves them that much?? I bet if he realised that would be less money towards something else he might suddenly change his mind about the oranges...

Mumtotwo82 · 24/08/2019 15:34

Is he like the cookie monster of oranges or something?! 😂

Mumtotwo82 · 24/08/2019 15:38

I think even though it's good for him it's still unfair and selfish as the fruit is bought for everyone and his attitude is not good. He needs to learn to listen to his mum and not eat everything that's meant to be shared unless you say its ok to eat it all.

Goldenbear · 24/08/2019 17:43

It absolutely 'does' make a difference as it's about getting an appropriate perspective on the issue and this is way over the top! Chill out, it's 4 satsumas so probably 2 oranges in mass, hardly the crime of the fucking century! Getting worked up over this is ridiculous even if one family member didn't get their two satsuma quota! Wow, get a life or even another bag of satsumas!!

Goldenbear · 24/08/2019 17:45

Oh and 'punishing' him with the removal of an ice cream is not going to work, the children I know who are punished/rewarded over every single thing in their life 'are' invariably the worst behaved!

sweeneytoddsrazor · 24/08/2019 19:41

So golden bear when he eats the ham in one go that was for his packed lunches, plus the satsumas that were for his packed lunches and the baby bels that were for his packed lunches its ok? And if he isn't told it is wrong now whilst he is deliberately doing it and OP just goes out and buys more satsumas then he will carry on doing it with other things. And if you have 3 or 4 children in the same house doing thus? Well that weekly food bill is going to be rising alarmingly.

Brefugee · 24/08/2019 20:22

Everyone saying "but it's only 4 oranges" what happens when the OPs younger DD comes running in because she knows mum bought oranges, and now she can't have one? is it "tough tits - it's survival of the fittest" or is it "sorry, your brother ate them all"?

user1493759849 · 24/08/2019 20:23

Meanwhile, the world is on fire, and we are all doomed.

Get a grip @NoDontLookAtMeImShy FFS

Brefugee · 24/08/2019 20:25

of course you could say that one of the reasons is that the people in charge are greedy gits who don't know how to share because they didn't learn that as children...

Goldenbear · 24/08/2019 21:28

The point is, he was 'punished' the last time for his misdemeanours and it didn't work, so why is it going to work this time? Is he hungry, why is he eating 4 satsumas (the scoundrel!?) and if the baby sister talks and asks for an orange, she'll have to tell her the truth and perhaps wonder why he didn't listen the last time he did this. My DC really wouldn't give a shit if the other one ate 4 satsumas and in fact I think you are creating problems for them and you if you are encouraging them to think this is a big deal. Stop demonising an 8 year old, he's not perfect and I'm sure none of you lot are either! In fact, I think this is actually what's wrong with 'society' if this thread is anything to go by, people bringing their children up to be offended and take a position on the most trivial of matters and being vengeful as a parent is not teaching a child anything other than a) how to hate you and b) how to be petty!

Brefugee · 24/08/2019 21:43

Mine would have gone ballistic, fairness is one thing that they insist on. They would never see 4 of something in a 4 person family and eat all of them.

Goldenbear · 24/08/2019 22:40

Well I think teaching children to respond proportionately to things that upset them or peturb them is just as important for harmony in the household and in the wider community. If you are normalising going 'ballistic' over a satsuma, are you children going to have any emotional resilience when the real stresses of life kick in?

Iggly · 24/08/2019 22:44

Perhaps he deliberately disobeyed because the OP is always coming down hard on him for seemingly minor issues.

I would suggest that the OP needs to gain some perspective.

Yes it’s not about the oranges. Maybe he’s doing it for attention.

If he ate all the oranges, ignore it. Just ignore it completely and buy some more when you next go shopping.

It’s low level annoying behaviour but it’s not a big deal.

I bet he’s doing it for attention.

strawberrypenguin · 24/08/2019 22:46

I understand why it's annoyed you and it's the greedy behaviour, but you know he likes them and you only buy a small pack every couple of weeks.
But more oranges and it likely won't be an issue.

Brefugee · 24/08/2019 23:11

If you are normalising going 'ballistic' over a satsuma

haha, you lot are hilarious sometimes. Never seen a sibling fight over something one has done that the other thinks unfair? I didn't say I encourage it or condone it or anything.

Derbee · 24/08/2019 23:18

@RedOnes I have RTFT, and I still think the OP should buy more satsumas and stop making everything into an issue.

You can bollock your children, give them instructions and punish them when they don’t act like little robots. But how pointless and exhausting. Buy enough satsumas so that the child that loves them has enough, and there are still plenty to go around. Don’t be so combative that said child will stuff himself silly with satsumas just to make a point. Mostly, don’t create issues around food. It’s not worth it.

Or alternatively, label the satsumas with the family members names, and punish severely anyone who eats one with the wrong name. 🙄

alexasmith · 24/08/2019 23:25

It's helerious 😂.. it is not exactly a bad thing he has good appetite and love the bloody oranges. Get 20 next time

CheshireChat · 25/08/2019 00:14

Actually he needs to realise he needs to share, I know a PP mentioned he'd probably feel bad when he realised everyone else is missing out, but he might not, especially as he did it deliberately.

However, next time you do a shop, could you let him choose which fruits he'd like NoDontLookAtMeImShy? I do this with DS as I never know what he'll actually eat.

If he wants satsumas, just say you can't have more than X at once as you'll be sick.

Tangent here, but 4yo DS can eat 4 satsumas occasionally and he's absolutely fine, I'm surprised a lot of posters are talking about upset stomachs Confused.

EskiVodkaCranberry · 25/08/2019 08:04

Poor kid Grin
Was anyone upset that they missed out on their allocated satsuma?!
This says way more about you than it does shout him.

Iggly · 25/08/2019 08:22

A more measured response would be something like: oh you cheeky DS, you’ve eaten them all. No more until I buy more.

Job done.
Then next shopping trip you buy extra, because, you know, it’s just fucking fruit.

Iggly · 25/08/2019 08:24

And OP, I suggest you read this book it’s very good - it’s not one of those with loads of techniques etc but it’s very eye opening. Certainly made me rethink my interactions with my dcs.