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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Just been shouted out by funeral party...

717 replies

Pinklady1982 · 23/08/2019 13:05

Aibu to be feeling really upset by this? I was just driving along and a funeral car pulled out slowly from a turning. They had about 10 cars behind it which were possibly all part of the party, so I slowed down and let a load of cars through. Now this was a residential road and I could see some other cars had joined the back of the queue. I started easing forward a bit as if I kept waiting there letting all the cars out I would be there ages and needed to get home, also I wasn't to know if they were all part of the funeral. I had right of way as they were in a side turning, but sat there patiently for a while. Well this lady then rolls down her window and starts shouting at me! Saying they are part of the funeral party and could I not see that. I explained that I had let about 10 cars go and wasn't to know who was part of the party and who wasn't. She just shouted at me to get out of the way very loudly and rudely and pulled out. I just put my window up and pulled over as I felt a bit shaken. I'm feeling a bit vulnerable anyway at the moment and I hate confrontation. I know that at these times emotions will be heightened, but was I really in the wrong here? They were going to then be pulling out onto a main road where I'm sure they would be seperated by other cars, so you can't all expect to stay together surely?

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 19/09/2019 08:49

DappledThings

This wasnt congested traffic. It was a stream of people continuing to push out when it wasnt their right of way and the OP correcting it.

Hair splitting.

You can't nose into a stream of moving traffic, right of way or no right of way, or correct other people's driving using your car.

Cars are not theoretical or imaginary things. They are real. They have mass and velocity and momentum. Not having right of way doesn't alter that. If you stick your nose out ahead of one that is in motion you risk causing a crash.

mathanxiety · 19/09/2019 08:55

I would expect that if it was in her test the OP would have received at least a minor if not a major for failing to make appropriate progress.

And yet you claim you are taught 'safe and appropriate driving'.

You can't have it both ways.

DappledThings · 19/09/2019 09:31

Failing to make sufficient progress causes hazards for other drivers. It is a reasonable thing to be penalised for. She would have been penalised for stopping and letting anyone out of a side road onto the main road, including the first car that came out.

Original poster
Pinklady1982 · 19/09/2019 21:57

Thought I'd better come back on to clear up something... all the cars that were originally there did look and I waved them through, they all put their hands up to say thank you. They weren't bumper to bumper, except the 2 main cars behind the hearse, so there was plenty of room for me to safely move forwards without the risk of causing an accident. The woman proceeded to pull along side me, cutting me up, which is the only reason I was able to talk clearly to her. I would have seen the colour of her top from a mile off, it was bright pink, so couldn't really miss it. Hopefully this will clear up a few things and put this argument to rest!!

OP posts:
Motherinlawsdung · 19/09/2019 22:15

You did absolutely nothing wrong OP.
But YABU if you think you can put this thread to rest. The thread has its own life now...
There will be a further dissertation on the velocity of moving objects in a minute or two, wait and see.

DappledThings · 19/09/2019 22:19

But YABU if you think you can put this thread to rest. The thread has its own life now...

I'm really really going to try not to respond to whatever goady nonsense Mathanxiety comes up with next. Can't promise though!

OP you absolutely did nothing wrong.

mathanxiety · 20/09/2019 02:27

Failing to make sufficient progress causes hazards for other drivers. It is a reasonable thing to be penalised for. She would have been penalised for stopping and letting anyone out of a side road onto the main road, including the first car that came out.

Once that ship had sailed, once the hearse and followers were already moving and she was standing still, 'making appropriate progress' wasn't possible because entering a line of moving traffic from a standstill when there isn't an opening would have caused an accident.

mathanxiety · 20/09/2019 02:32

You actually wouldn't have seen a coloured shirt from a mile off, OP.

there was plenty of room for me to safely move forwards without the risk of causing an accident. The woman proceeded to pull along side me, cutting me up,

That's quite a different account from the one you posted initially.

Original poster
Pinklady1982 · 20/09/2019 06:34

I didn't think I would have needed to go into that much detail to be fair math, but with how much this post has escalated I thought I'd better explain it a bit more.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pinklady1982 · 20/09/2019 06:40

Thank you dappled and mother for your ongoing support with this, much appreciated and hopefully now that I have explained it better, it will help!

OP posts:
Original poster
Pinklady1982 · 20/09/2019 06:54

And math, the seeing it a mile off was a figure of speech, not meant literally..

OP posts:
Lifecraft · 20/09/2019 07:15

I was the 2nd person to reply to the OP when this thread started. I said:

I would have shouted "it'll be your funeral soon if you don't shut your fat cakehole".

Nothing I have read since then has changed my mind.

DappledThings · 20/09/2019 07:46

I'd go back to hiding it Pinklady Math is going to be back to berate you again and again but as you can see she has very little agreement.

Original poster
Pinklady1982 · 20/09/2019 09:11

Lol it is hidden, but I keep getting emails to say a new post has been added!!

OP posts:
Durgasarrow · 20/09/2019 13:16

And from the beginning to the end of this thread I have been very unimpressed by the crassness and lack of humanity toward others that so many are arguing for here. I hope it is not representative of most British people.

Mothership4two · 21/09/2019 01:45

Thanks for clearing things up @Pinklady1982. It was a shame it was necessary - your thread got beyond ridiculous!

And well done to the majority of 'British people'/posters who used their common sense!

mathanxiety · 21/09/2019 02:21

Agree Durgasarrow. It's dog eat dog.

I am waiting (but not holding my breath) for the 'failure to make appropriate/sufficient progress' brigade to tut at the OP for not taking advantage of the allegedly big enough breaks in the traffic...

Byllis · 21/09/2019 05:26

I was in a foul mood after being woken by an inconsiderate neighbour at two this morning and unable to get back to sleep, but seeing this thread is still going has cheered me right up!

I enjoyed it when it first got going with the pp who had encyclopaedic knowledge of funeral procession procedures that almost nobody else was aware of (got the impression a good chunk of their childhood was devoted to learning the minutiae of the subject), and enjoyed it even more when US posters showed up to berate us on how awful we are for not showing sensitivity to something that demonstrably is not recognised in this country.

(I could understand all the appalled and aghast comments about British incivility if people actually recognised this funeral procession business, but surely it's obvious by now that it's not a thing here. And therefore not something that can be disrespected.)

Anyway, am absolutely thrilled to discover the debate continues!

mathanxiety · 21/09/2019 23:21

You don't need an actual procession to show a little sympathy for mourners and cut them some slack.

Yet more proof of the crassness.

Mothership4two · 22/09/2019 07:57

Oh for God's sake, she didn't know they were involved in the funeral. How many times!!

It's not crassness it is common sense. If they had obviously been part of the funeral party I expect @Pinklady1982 would have waved them through also.

The woman proceeded to pull along side me, cutting me up - I really don't understand your unflinching sympathy for this woman who drove illegally, dangerously and had no dignity befitting the situation she was in. She may have been upset and grieving, but still..

I think it's a bit off to insult people who have a different opinion to you - now that IS crass. Especially when you have been proved wrong

mathanxiety · 25/09/2019 05:37

She could see others getting into their cars and following on, further back.

What are the odds that so many cars would all be leaving a side road and following the car in front of them, all at the same time?

The crassness is apparent throughout the thread. Dead people and their relatives and friends have a cheek occupying roads that are meant for the living and people with far more important business to attend to, to paraphrase.

redcarbluecar · 25/09/2019 06:17

I don’t think you were in the wrong, even if you misjudged the amount of cars to politely let through. She had no legitimate reason to holler at you through a car window. If her right of way was so important to her, she could have found a more courteous way to indicate that. But for whatever reason she didn’t - never mind; she may have been grieving - I’d just chalk it up to experience.

Mothership4two · 25/09/2019 06:41

Err in a residential area, odds were quite high.

She didn't see others getting into their cars and following on, she saw some other cars had joined the back of the queue. How do you/we know that those cars were part of the funeral?

You seem to have missed the point again, ppl on here generally (especially later posters) were pointing out that the OP was not unreasonable to carry on as she didn't know the car was part of the funeral. And not that she should have done so because the funeral was inconvenient. Initially there were a few negative comments about funerals plus a few negative comments towards the OP. Those saying YANBU mainly were commenting on her driving and not her attitude to the funeral itself (which actually seemed helpful). People in the UK are usually very respectful of mourners at funerals.

I live in a small town which has been completely closed off for a couple of military funerals.

DappledThings · 25/09/2019 07:07

Dead people and their relatives and friends have a cheek occupying roads that are meant for the living

Nobody has said that. Some of us have said that being on your way to a funeral doesn't give you the right to transcend the normal rules of the road about right of way.

TheFantasticFixit · 25/09/2019 07:20

Wow, what a life to have the time to argue the toss about the minutiae to this pedantic level.

It’s a bloody thread on Mumsnet; not a case for The ICC.

Math, it’s time to take up a hobby.

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