Just been shouted out by funeral party...

[Pinklady1982]

Aibu to be feeling really upset by this? I was just driving along and a funeral car pulled out slowly from a turning. They had about 10 cars behind it which were possibly all part of the party, so I slowed down and let a load of cars through. Now this was a residential road and I could see some other cars had joined the back of the queue. I started easing forward a bit as if I kept waiting there letting all the cars out I would be there ages and needed to get home, also I wasn't to know if they were all part of the funeral. I had right of way as they were in a side turning, but sat there patiently for a while. Well this lady then rolls down her window and starts shouting at me! Saying they are part of the funeral party and could I not see that. I explained that I had let about 10 cars go and wasn't to know who was part of the party and who wasn't. She just shouted at me to get out of the way very loudly and rudely and pulled out. I just put my window up and pulled over as I felt a bit shaken. I'm feeling a bit vulnerable anyway at the moment and I hate confrontation. I know that at these times emotions will be heightened, but was I really in the wrong here? They were going to then be pulling out onto a main road where I'm sure they would be seperated by other cars, so you can't all expect to stay together surely?

This is one of these situations you can't win in. It reminds me of when I did a turn in the road in my car, using a wide laybye. A woman was walking on the pavement next to the laybye, so out of politeness I waited until she was in past before turning in case I startled her. While I was waiting (and indicating) to complete my maoneuvure, she came over, banged on my car window and started shouting abuse at me. To this day, I have no idea what I could possibly have done wrong, but she was absolutely convinced I had done something and ranted on at me til I told her to take my registration number and phone the police if she thought a crime had been committed!

Cars following funeral procession are usually full and with people dressed up with lights on low in the day to indicate they are part of funeral procession. It surprises me how disrespectful some PPs are about funerals. You won't feel that way when it is a child or sibling or parent in your family, or a beloved friend or family member that you are burying.

I buried my sister a couple years ago, she died tragically young. She had at least 15 cars following the hearse let alone 100s of friends and family at the crematorium. Big family, lots of love and a truly terrible day.
I'm a bit ashamed of others to read some comments on here.

She was in the wrong but she was grieving. Try not to worry too much - it's over now

You let 10 cars out, you were very decent.

Plus, when the windows were rolled down, she could have just said “I’m part of the funeral party, can I just go first” and you would have let her. Instead she was nasty.

Shouting woman was probably a nasty person anyway. Nasty people go to funerals too.

YANBU. I can’t see why people obsess about this sort of thing. It’s not going to bring them back is it?

She’s probably the sort to shout at anyone given half a chance. Ignore. Get on with your day and know that’s it’s more about her and her shit run you and your actions.

I was particularly upset by the white van driver that cut in-between my sister (on hearse) and our funeral car that was following and the boy racers with music blaring that cut in between the clearly other procession cars. And used their horn! 😰

Nonsense, they'll all get split up and junctions and traffic lights anyway. Let all the hearses out, but everyone else is just a normal road user, who happen to be going to a funeral.

This. You didn't do anything wrong, OP.

Thank you all for your replies. If it was clear they were party of the funeral party of course I would have waited, but there was no way of knowing this. The lady had also had a bright pink top on, so not usual attire!

I can’t see why people obsess about this sort of thing. It’s not going to bring them back is it?

What a charming PP..(not)

It's about respect and part of grieving/ saying goodbye process. I'm sure everyone would prefer her to be bright back but since we couldn't , saying goodbye and coming to terms with it, was important.

@WillLokireturn the OP didn’t squeeze in between the hearse and the limo. She’d already let loads of cars out; what was she supposed to do - let 20, 30, 100 cars go just in case?

@Pinklady1982 YANBU. The woman might have been griefstricken and not thinking straight but equally she could just be a nasty entitled cow like my mother (who would behave just like that). Have a piece of cake and try to forget about it. ♥️

I think you should have let them go as well tbh.

Sorry you are getting vulnerable at mo, it's horrible.

*brought back. (Not bright back)

I can see it was a mistake OP, and that you hadn't realised but funeral car processions will be insistent about following so I'd err on side of caution. Wearing bright colours isn't unusual these days especially for younger deaths. We all wore something blue for DSis, DD and I had lovely bright blue and mauve dresses on, just as she'd approve of.

The other point to consider is sometimes you are in a funeral convoy and you aren’t sure where you are going, so in addition to the distress of bereavement, you are worried about getting lost if the convoy breaks up.
People can be very disrespectful, but you made a mistake OP.

There was once a really funny Mumsnet thread where a poster was dressed in a funny suit collecting money for comic relief.

She went up to a bunch of people shaking her bucket shouting 'cheer up you miserable bastards! Give us your money' before realising they were in a funeral party!!!

So don't be sad and have a laugh!

Thanks again, I will certainly go and have some cake as suggested! Or chocolate :) I do know what it's like to be party of a funeral party as I lost my dad only last year, so I understand how your emotions run wild.

We were told when we follow the hearse to put our lights on so people can see we are grieving and be courteous to other road users

Why was the hearse turning onto the main road with traffic approaching (ie, you)?

They should have waited for you to pass, being a hearse does not exempt them from traffic laws.

Lifecraft, you are behaving like a crude, insensitive arse. The last funeral I went to had the hearse, two limos and 6 cars with close relatives. None of us were looking forwards to stuffing our faces as the main point of the day.

Meant to add, a lot of cars have daylight running lights now, you wouldn't be able to be certain who is part of the funeral party anymore.

@IHateUncleJamie
No, I didn't say 40 cars! But in a tragic death 15 cars following isn't unusual. And if OP had taken an extra moment, she might have observed more, I'd rather act in caution and let some non funeral cars out than cut in midst and jar their act if respect. My DSis NDNs came out and lined road too. (Didn't stop the white van! Hearse slowed right down til idiot van passed her.)

I was brought up showing respect as it's religious and cultural thing, I've always exercised caution for emergency vehicles and funeral cars and processions. It's one of those times the world does it should stop or slow down a bit.

@WillLokireturn Cars following funeral procession are usually full and with people dressed up with lights on low in the day to indicate they are part of funeral procession.

I have been to many funerals, even those of my own parents (one of whom died in very tragic circumstances) and have never come across this 'tradition'.

I bet she is a cow regardless of whether or not she's going to a funeral.

You cannot expect in busy traffic to be able to stay in convoy.

I'm with WillLokireturn show some respect! I'd have waited for all the cars to exit the road.

I was once behind a funeral procession in Ireland, was kept waiting for over half an hour as they were walking and carrying the coffin. I just counted my blessings that it wasn't one of my loved ones.