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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Just been shouted out by funeral party...

717 replies

Pinklady1982 · 23/08/2019 13:05

Aibu to be feeling really upset by this? I was just driving along and a funeral car pulled out slowly from a turning. They had about 10 cars behind it which were possibly all part of the party, so I slowed down and let a load of cars through. Now this was a residential road and I could see some other cars had joined the back of the queue. I started easing forward a bit as if I kept waiting there letting all the cars out I would be there ages and needed to get home, also I wasn't to know if they were all part of the funeral. I had right of way as they were in a side turning, but sat there patiently for a while. Well this lady then rolls down her window and starts shouting at me! Saying they are part of the funeral party and could I not see that. I explained that I had let about 10 cars go and wasn't to know who was part of the party and who wasn't. She just shouted at me to get out of the way very loudly and rudely and pulled out. I just put my window up and pulled over as I felt a bit shaken. I'm feeling a bit vulnerable anyway at the moment and I hate confrontation. I know that at these times emotions will be heightened, but was I really in the wrong here? They were going to then be pulling out onto a main road where I'm sure they would be seperated by other cars, so you can't all expect to stay together surely?

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 16/09/2019 05:09

Driving is driving no matter where you are, Motherinlawsdung. Believe it or not, there are people who drive in both places, just as thousands of Brits drive in continental Europe, and it doesn't require a course of driving lessons to do that.

A more meaningful stat is number of crashes per mile driven. I think you will find that US drivers clock up far more miles behind the wheel. You are statistically likely to have one crash per 165,000 miles driven or about once every ten years, in the US.

The OP was driving aggressively, cutting into moving traffic from a standstill where there was no room to safely merge, according to her own description.

.

Jengnr · 16/09/2019 05:33

This thread is batshit!!

Of course OP did nothing wrong. And describing her as ‘nosing into moving traffic’ is just INSANE.

Give it up Math. You’re having a mare here.

mathanxiety · 16/09/2019 05:59

What do you call trying to enter a line of moving cars from a standstill then?

mathanxiety · 16/09/2019 06:00

And I would like to point out that it wasn't me who revived this thread after five days of a hiatus, so maybe your 'give it up' should be directed at someone else.

Jengnr · 16/09/2019 06:26

She wasn’t entering a line of moving cars. The cars on the side road were doing that. She had stopped to let some through but the ones at the side were the ones ‘nosing’.

I didn’t study the dates on the thread - I read it when it started, thought it was so obvious SL was a dick and didn’t bother reading further. I woke early this morning, saw it was still going and wondered what the plot twist was. It was you, doing some incredible work distorting the rules of the road beyond all recognition to defend some arsehole. I’m not clear why.

mathanxiety · 16/09/2019 06:32

No, the cars on the side road were moving and she was at a standstill. She was at a standstill because she had stopped to let some through but they were still coming when she randomly decided they were taking the mickey and decided to horn in.

The basic rule of the road is don't try to occupy the same space a moving car is about to drive into within the next second or two regardless of who has the right of way.

Sunnyjac · 16/09/2019 07:03

Never heard of the idea you have to wait for a whole funeral procession! How are you supposed to know who’s in it beyond one or two matching cars? I wouldn’t wait and still won’t now. Whenever I’ve been to a funeral I’ve certainly not expected preferential treatment

Motherinlawsdung · 16/09/2019 07:56

By following mathanxiety’s method the OP would still be sitting on that main road while car after car emerges from the side road going who knows where...

Motherinlawsdung · 16/09/2019 08:08

@mathanxiety
“A more meaningful stat is number of crashes per mile driven. I think you will find that US drivers clock up far more miles behind the wheel. You are statistically likely to have one crash per 165,000 miles driven or about once every ten years, in the US.”

Nope, sorry. Measuring according to distance driven shows that “defensive driving” in the US still produces twice as many fatalities as just “driving” does in the UK.
Fatalities by 1 billion vehicle kilometres: US 7.3.
Fatalities by 1 billion vehicle kilometres : UK 3.4.

PrimalLass · 16/09/2019 21:22

I can't believe this argument is still going. Came to delete dead (😱) threads in my watch list.

Meshy23 · 16/09/2019 22:15

YANBU - please don’t take this personally though as people say and do strange things whilst grieving.

mathanxiety · 18/09/2019 03:23

Sunnyjac it doesn't matter if it's a funeral procession or just any line of moving traffic - you can't butt into moving traffic from a standstill.

mathanxiety · 18/09/2019 04:45

Motherinlawsdung, she would have had an opening in the traffic soon enough. You should never panic or start letting emotions related to being taken advantage of, or whatever else is on your mind cloud your judgement of road conditions. Your driving decisions should be based on what you see with your own eyes right there on the road, not your suspicions or other feelings about it.

There is a rural vs urban divide in US driving casualty stats.

The US has a patchwork of speed limits, a huge variety of terrain, huge variations in weather and road conditions, and regions where seatbelt requirements, motorbike helmet laws and distracted driver/phone use while driving laws are considered signs that the gummint is trying to take away your freedom.

crashstats.nhtsa.dot.gov/Api/Public/ViewPublication/812393
Fig 2 is quite interesting, a testament to the relevance of the defensive driving approach for urban and suburban areas.

Please note: stats I am quoting are in miles while yours are in km.
Are you assuming a billion is an old British billion (i.e. a million million, or 1,000,000,000,000) or a US billion (i.e. a thousand million, or 1,000,000,000)?

DappledThings · 18/09/2019 06:33

Every car turning out of the side road would have needed to look and check if the way was clear. Either because there was no traffic on the main road or someone was waving them through. OP deciding to stop waving people through by moving forward so the next person could see they couldn't move out isn't "nosing into traffic".

The only person being aggressive was the woman who shouted.

This is so ridiculous. I wonder if we can get to 1000 posts of this total nonsense.

Marnie76 · 18/09/2019 06:58

Well you’ve got to admire Maths tenacity, I’ve never known anyone so determined to not let it go against all odds. You seem to have taken it very personally Math.

Sunnyjac · 18/09/2019 17:52

mathanxiety yep I know that thanks! Not sure what point you’re making? To clarify, mine was that the OP was not unreasonable in letting a few cars out and then expecting to continue on her way

Sunnyjac · 18/09/2019 22:12

PS No, the cars on the side road were moving and she was at a standstill. She was at a standstill because she had stopped to let some through but they were still coming when she randomly decided they were taking the mickey and decided to horn in
this is your fundamental misunderstanding of the situation mathanxiety - the OP had right of way and could start moving whenever she liked

Motherinlawsdung · 18/09/2019 22:30

I don’t think she’s going to listen to you Sunny Grin

DappledThings · 18/09/2019 22:36

I don’t think she’s going to listen to you Sunny

Nope! Just come back with another explanation of "defensive driving" and explaining why OP should have let out every car in the world

mathanxiety · 18/09/2019 23:11

Sunnyjac, she absolutely couldn't claim her right of way when there were moving vehicles occupying the road space where she intended to drive or moving vehicles clearly heading straight for the road space where she intended to drive.

Doing so is aggressive and dangerous driving and the matter of right of way is completely irrelevant. The only relevant facts were the moving vehicles/oncoming traffic and their proximity to the OP. As the OP could describe the colour of the clothing of the shouty driver and was able to explain her (faulty) rationale in sticking her nose into moving traffic without apparently shouting back at the woman, she didn't have an opening in the traffic that would have made it safe to proceed.

Every car turning out of the side road would have needed to look and check if the way was clear. Either because there was no traffic on the main road or someone was waving them through. OP deciding to stop waving people through by moving forward so the next person could see they couldn't move out isn't "nosing into traffic".
DappledThings

I was just driving along and a funeral car pulled out slowly from a turning. They had about 10 cars behind it which were possibly all part of the party, so I slowed down and let a load of cars through. Now this was a residential road and I could see some other cars had joined the back of the queue. I started easing forward a bit as if I kept waiting there letting all the cars out I would be there ages and needed to get home, also I wasn't to know if they were all part of the funeral. I had right of way as they were in a side turning, but sat there patiently for a while.
OP

She was not doing any waving through. She had stopped and was watching. Then she nosed out. She describes her actions herself.
And since every car coming out of the side road clearly wasn't looking to check for oncoming traffic and was ignoring whatever signage there may have been, the possibility of a crash was the likely result of proceeding.

She could see the line of moving traffic approaching on the side road. She did not say she saw enough of an opening to allow her to move. What she said was that she decided a certain number of cars was enough for a proper funeral procession and that she was anxious to get home. She should have stayed put. Her decision to proceed was not based on traffic conditions right in front of her own eyes. Neither of the factors she took into account should have been elements of a driving decision.

The likely result from enforcing the rules of the road on someone who isn't obeying them is a crash. Sticklers for the rules are often as dangerous as people disregarding them.

The only guide to safe driving when faced with an irregular situation such as the one the OP described is defense - i.e. letting them all pass until there is enough of an opening in the traffic to proceed, not an attempt to claim your rights or to regulate traffic in any way by means of your own vehicle.

mathanxiety · 18/09/2019 23:13

Sunnyjac the OP had right of way and could start moving whenever she liked

You're completely wrong.

You have to base your decisions on real, live traffic in front of your own eyes, not what the signs say.

mathanxiety · 18/09/2019 23:18

I gather from people's disparaging remarks about 'defensive driving' [sic] and the complete lack of understanding of how to drive in congested traffic that defensive driving is not taught in the UK.

This is a huge pity, and explains all the horn blowing in the videos I posted upthread.

The point of defensive driving is to never rely on other drivers behaving as expected or according to the rules of the road, staying alert, and being ready to let them proceed on their merry way, waiving your right of way or whatever other rules of the road might get in the way of creating a safe driving environment and avoiding a crash.

DappledThings · 19/09/2019 06:33

I gather from people's disparaging remarks about 'defensive driving' [sic] and the complete lack of understanding of how to drive in congested traffic that defensive driving is not taught in the UK.

We are taught safe and appropriate driving. I'm happy to be corrected if there are any ADIs or examiners on here but I would expect that if it was in her test the OP would have received at least a minor if not a major for failing to make appropriate progress.

This wasnt congested traffic. It was a stream of people continuing to push out when it wasnt their right of way and the OP correcting it.

Marnie76 · 19/09/2019 07:00

OMG Math, let it go!!!

BadLad · 19/09/2019 07:13

OMG Math, let it go!!!

That's about as likely as the deceased climbing back out of his/her coffin. After being cremated.

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