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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Just been shouted out by funeral party...

717 replies

Pinklady1982 · 23/08/2019 13:05

Aibu to be feeling really upset by this? I was just driving along and a funeral car pulled out slowly from a turning. They had about 10 cars behind it which were possibly all part of the party, so I slowed down and let a load of cars through. Now this was a residential road and I could see some other cars had joined the back of the queue. I started easing forward a bit as if I kept waiting there letting all the cars out I would be there ages and needed to get home, also I wasn't to know if they were all part of the funeral. I had right of way as they were in a side turning, but sat there patiently for a while. Well this lady then rolls down her window and starts shouting at me! Saying they are part of the funeral party and could I not see that. I explained that I had let about 10 cars go and wasn't to know who was part of the party and who wasn't. She just shouted at me to get out of the way very loudly and rudely and pulled out. I just put my window up and pulled over as I felt a bit shaken. I'm feeling a bit vulnerable anyway at the moment and I hate confrontation. I know that at these times emotions will be heightened, but was I really in the wrong here? They were going to then be pulling out onto a main road where I'm sure they would be seperated by other cars, so you can't all expect to stay together surely?

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 01/09/2019 20:26

Lockheart
She wasn't causing a hazard if there was no hazardous result.

Driving straight into a procession of cars who all assumed they had right of way otoh....

There is such a thing as 'defensive driving'. They teach it here in the US and advise in all instances to choose the defensive option. Not to stand on your rights even if you have Right of Way.

mathanxiety · 01/09/2019 20:28

Mothership4two
Does 'arguing for the sake of it' mean the same thing as 'disagreeing with you'?

ReanimatedSGB · 01/09/2019 22:42

It is neither possible nor practical to stop entire towns for funerals.People die and get buried/cremated all the time. Apart from family and friends, no one else cares and no one else has to care. A funeral is not more important than a chemotherapy appointment, a job interview, going to visit a sick friend/relative or a hot date: everyone should abide by normal traffic rules, because everyone matters. The funeral party are no more and no less important than anyone else.

ReanimatedSGB · 01/09/2019 22:44

Also, it's almost always people who are generally petty inadequates and/or not particularly close to the corpse who go in for all this whining, posturing and demanding 'respect' from everyone in sight. It's their chance to feel important and self-righteous, even if their attention-seeking upsets the immediate family of the corpse.

Mothership4two · 02/09/2019 02:44

Does 'arguing for the sake of it' mean the same thing as 'disagreeing with you'?

No actually, I mean the posters who seem to post things knowing it will be contraversial and then have a tit for tat argument with other posters and go on and on. It seems to be a recurring theme on MN threads. Some people end up having real 'ding dongs' with each other! It is something that I have viewed rather than taken part in.

If my memory serves, I don't think I have disagreed with all of your comments, but I do feel, imo, that you can come across as a bit judgy - you seem to like telling ppl what they should do. Which is a bit of a bugbear of mine. Anyway, looking back at this thread, I'd say, again imo, that rather than arguing for the sake of it, you like to have the last word.

mathanxiety · 02/09/2019 03:34

'Entire towns'?
Really?

Also, it's almost always people who are generally petty inadequates and/or not particularly close to the corpse who go in for all this whining, posturing and demanding 'respect' from everyone in sight. It's their chance to feel important and self-righteous, even if their attention-seeking upsets the immediate family of the corpse.

^^ That is one of the most extraordinary statements I have ever read here on MN, and that is saying something. I can't imagine knowing that much about thousands and thousands of people.

mathanxiety · 02/09/2019 03:41

Apart from family and friends, no one else cares and no one else has to care. A funeral is not more important than a chemotherapy appointment, a job interview, going to visit a sick friend/relative or a hot date: everyone should abide by normal traffic rules, because everyone matters. The funeral party are no more and no less important than anyone else.

So you are advising aggressive driving then, SGB?

Mothership4two · 02/09/2019 04:04

See

Grin
mathanxiety · 02/09/2019 04:26

Are you suggesting I shouldn't have responded to such controversial posts, Mothership4two?

Alicewond · 02/09/2019 04:34

You did a nice thing OP, you pulled over which by law you didn’t have to do. Yet you did it out of kindness and respect. But staying put for random cars you had no way of knowing were part of it definitely wasn’t necessary. I would say the person who abused you may have been grieving and just move on from this experience

iklboo · 02/09/2019 07:24

They didn't have right of way. They were in a side road and the OP let them out onto the main carriageway as a matter of courtesy. AGAIN, in the UK funeral corteges MUSTA follow the law of the road.

After ten cars had gone through the OP felt that the procession of mourners was finished and normal traffic was coming out.

mathanxiety · 02/09/2019 08:48

They were all following each other, in a procession. More were joining in further back, and it was because the OP thought these cars were non-funeral traffic just taking the piss that she decided to cut in.

Normal traffic would have stopped and yielded right of way to the traffic with the right of way.

What sort of mindset would cause someone to believe that all the extra cars were simply taking advantage?

If there is an ongoing procession regardless of the obligation to yield, then horning in where you believe the last car is, despite seeing many other cars all following on, constitutes aggressive driving even if you have the right of way.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 02/09/2019 10:04

riving straight into a procession of cars who all assumed they had right of way otoh...

Believing you have right of way doesn't give it to you! You do understand that right @mathanxiety

Because that's the crux of the matter.

If the woman did pull out into OP then she would be held liable by the insurance.

Being Sadz doesn't mean that you can do why ever you like on the road and be a twat. Once again. Everyone has dead people. Everyone has a sob story. The rules of the road don't bend depending on sadness.

ReanimatedSGB · 02/09/2019 11:57

How the fuck do you translate 'obey the normal rules of the road' as 'aggressive driving'?

And I know that it's petty failures who make the most noise about needing 'respect' after, you know, lots of observing human behaviour.

Lifecraft · 02/09/2019 13:38

I would say the person who abused you may have been grieving

Normal decent people don't turn into abusive scumbags when they are grieving. But abusive scumbags become even bigger abusive scumbags.

The advice I gave about 3 posts into this thread stands. Op's only mistake was being far too nice to the fucking loudmouthed cow.

Lifecraft · 02/09/2019 13:41

How the fuck do you translate 'obey the normal rules of the road' as 'aggressive driving'?*

Correct. In fact, being in a funeral procession, and expecting people to give you the right of way when you don't have it, is aggressive driving.

DappledThings · 02/09/2019 14:04

In fact, being in a funeral procession, and expecting people to give you the right of way when you don't have it, is aggressive driving

Absolutely

mathanxiety · 03/09/2019 05:24

Believing you have right of way doesn't give it to you! You do understand that right mathanxiety

Because that's the crux of the matter

Having the right of way doesn't mean you are right to exercise it in all circumstances.

You always have to drive according to conditions, including other drivers in a procession holding you up and not letting you proceed despite the fact that you have the right of way. Conditions trump rights.

I don't think you understand what 'defensive driving' entails, Contraception.

mathanxiety · 03/09/2019 05:32

How the fuck do you translate 'obey the normal rules of the road' as 'aggressive driving'?

The rules of the road are all right and mighty fine, great as far as they go. But you create a problem, possibly involving damage or injury, by using your car to teach others the rules of the road.

Aggressive driving = insisting on your right of way regardless of traffic conditions.

It's aggressive driving if you proceed because you have the right of way despite the fact that there are already vehicles in the patch of road where you want to be.

Defensive driving = waiting until you are absolutely sure they have all passed, effectively waiving your right of way. Yes, you will be delayed. Yes, someone will have taken your right of way from you.
Maybe some of them will be taking the piss. It is still better to wait than to challenge another driver.

Defensive driving is always the preferable option.

mathanxiety · 03/09/2019 05:36

In fact, being in a funeral procession, and expecting people to give you the right of way when you don't have it, is aggressive driving

Yes, no arguing with that.

But given that the procession cars are already occupying the road, if you insist on your right of way you are going to cause an accident.

You are wrong to insist on your right of way, in other words.

Do they not encourage basic common sense is a major part of driving lessons in the UK?

Durgasarrow · 03/09/2019 05:39

It would be kind and appropriate not to break up a funeral procession. One of the reasons that people follow each other in a line is that often, there are people at a funeral from out of town who aren't familiar with the roads. Being able to follow the procession gives them one less thing to worry about at a sad time. And of course, that goes for all of the people who follow them as well. If you cut off one person, you may cut off a dozen. Yes, perhaps they could put the information into Google maps or whatever, but not everyone has it, especially among the fueneral going set.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 03/09/2019 11:37

One of the reasons that people follow each other in a line is that often, there are people at a funeral from out of town who aren't familiar with the roads. Being able to follow the procession gives them one less thing to worry about at a sad time.

That sounds like a 100% their issue problem.

Everyone has a phone now. There's no excuse for 'I don't know the way'

Lifecraft · 03/09/2019 13:22

But given that the procession cars are already occupying the road, if you insist on your right of way you are going to cause an accident.

Nope. You might have an accident, but not cause one. If someone pulls from a side road into your path on a major road, because they are in a procession and you didn't let them out, they have caused the accident. That would apply even if you were being bloody minded and deliberately broke up the procession.

In this case the OP didn't do that, there was a gap in the procession and she thought it had finished. She didn't know there were more cars in the procession.

Shouty woman was the aggressive driver, and because she then abused the OP, not surprising, as she's clearly an aggressive person.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 03/09/2019 20:53

Jesus wept, is this still going?!? Math is like a dog with a bone on this one!

Surely if you are making your own way to a funeral you make sure you know where you are going, not take a chance on being able to follow everyone else.

mathanxiety · 04/09/2019 03:41

If someone pulls from a side road into your path on a major road, because they are in a procession and you didn't let them out, they have caused the accident.

You are wrong there. If an accident were to occur in that instance, the first question the insurance company would ask is, 'Did you brake?' They would want to know why you kept going despite seeing that the cars were processing ahead of you, regardless of who had the right of way.

The OP was yielding the right of way to the procession though. So this wasn't a case of cars 'in her path'.

If you are stopped while you let a procession go ahead and then decide to cut in based not on the fact that there seems to be an opening in the traffic but only on your view of what is a proper number of mourners at a funeral and what they should be wearing, then you are responsible for whatever accident follows. You can see them all processing and regardless of whether there are five or five hundred mourners, the fact that they are in motion and you are stationary means you have to stay put until there is enough of a gap in the traffic to let you in.

Your feelings of anxiety about two hundred people taking the piss or about being late, or the fact that you have the right of way are all irrelevant. You do not teach other people the rules of the road using your moving car as a teaching prop.

Driving aggressively in response to the aggressive or illegal or inappropriate driving of someone else, or because you are putting 'rights' before common sense, is never the good option.

Two aggressive drivers is a recipe for problems. You should always drive defensively. Let the other guy take the risks of driving aggressively if that is what he wants.

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