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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SC want to come on our honeymoon

133 replies

HoneymoonConfusion · 23/08/2019 11:20

Firstly, I really do have a good relationship with my SC. And with all the drama going on surrounding a certain thread at the moment I'll mention that they are coming to our wedding and have been included in the whole process (like they are with everything).

We get married in a few months and are planning a honeymoon for next year. Older SC asked us if we were going anywhere and H told them what we had planned. Younger SC is now saying they want to come with us. H has said it's for grown ups really but we will do something together. They seem upset about this.

Are we being unreasonable saying no? We will take them somewhere as well but I would enjoy a honeymoon just me and H. I do know some families who have taken children on theirs.

Fwiw, it will not affect their mum in terms of childcare. Hs parents have said they will take them away for our days to Wales/ somewhere similar and they enjoy seeing their grandparents.

Will this pass do you think? I feel a bit awful!

OP posts:
Thehop · 23/08/2019 11:21

Let them choose a family holiday. I don’t think you’re unreasonable at all!

PlatoAteMySnozcumber · 23/08/2019 11:22

Honeymoon is absolutely for the married couple and shouldn’t include DC or DSC. Go for it.

edwinbear · 23/08/2019 11:23

YANBU. Honeymoons are for couples, provided of course they have been part of the wedding beforehand Grin

whattodowith · 23/08/2019 11:24

YANBU. Honeymoons are for the married couple, nobody else.

Branleuse · 23/08/2019 11:24

of course youre not being unreasonable.

Tell them that you are going to organise a family holiday for everyone, but that honeymoons are always a couples holiday with just the two people who get married.

I know some people take a family holiday after weddings btw to try and combine the two, but thats not generally what a honeymoon is.

Do you normally do family holidays?

Windydaysuponus · 23/08/2019 11:24

Tell them there will be lots of kissing and you don't want them to have to see that!!
It's an easy way to clear a room at home too ime!!
Yanbu to want a honeymoon to yourselves!!
Do not be guilted by anyone into taking them!!

Queenioqueenio · 23/08/2019 11:24

If they were your children and not step children would you feel the same?
My kids would be gutted if we went away on an exciting holiday and left them behind.

Original poster
HoneymoonConfusion · 23/08/2019 11:25

If they were your children and not step children would you feel the same?

Genuinely, yes I think I would. Especially seen as they will probably be going somewhere with their grandparents as well whilst we are away (will probably be school hol times).

OP posts:
CalmdownJanet · 23/08/2019 11:27

Yanbu, I left my own child at home when I went on honeymoon, go for it and don't feel one bit guilty

Littlechocola · 23/08/2019 11:27

We had our honeymoon and then went back a few months later with the dc.

Branleuse · 23/08/2019 11:27

my kids would also be gutted to not come on an exciting honeymoon, but too bad for them. Not happening

PinkCrayon · 23/08/2019 11:28

Yanbu.

crustycrab · 23/08/2019 11:29

YANBU

MyCatHatesEverybody · 23/08/2019 11:30

YANBU, the clue is in the name - honeymoon not family holiday.

Queenio but they're not her children. If they were hers then she'd have had plenty of child-free holidays/couple time with their dad before her DC were born.

TimeIhadaNameChange · 23/08/2019 11:30

Any chance their mother could be stirring things? Hopefully not, but it might be something to consider. But YDNBU not to take them.

HappyParent2000 · 23/08/2019 11:33

There comes a point in life where it’s far better to have a top end family holiday instead of a honeymoon.

If you have had a couples honeymoon before I would suggest putting the money into a big family getaway instead.

Original poster
HoneymoonConfusion · 23/08/2019 11:33

Any chance their mother could be stirring things?

I doubt it to be honest. She a very reasonable woman and we've never had any issues of that kind that I know of. We all get on pretty well really.

OP posts:
Original poster
HoneymoonConfusion · 23/08/2019 11:34

If you have had a couples honeymoon before

Well it's first marriage for us both so neither have been on honeymoon before.

OP posts:
frazzledasarock · 23/08/2019 11:34

I wouldn’t mention it again. The DSC will get over the disappointment and in any case will be having a lot of fun with siblings and family on their holiday.

I would go guilt free and enjoy the rare alone time.

Greyponcho · 23/08/2019 11:35

I had this issue... had a low-key honeymoon followed by a fabulous DC-orientated holiday a few weeks later. However, balanced it out the next year by having a lovely break with just hubby and a nice-but-low-key holiday with DSC.
Does their DM go on holiday without them at all? If so, might be worth saying its your turn to do so.

Original poster
HoneymoonConfusion · 23/08/2019 11:35

I wasn't alive when my parents married but I certainly remember them going away for anniversaries etc... without me whilst I was with my nan!

OP posts:
Original poster
HoneymoonConfusion · 23/08/2019 11:38

Does their DM go on holiday without them at all?

Yes, we both have been away without the children before. Not very often as we usually take them but both parents have had holidays in the past without.

I don't think she will have a problem with it, really I don't. We all get on very well and I'd imagine she'd offer to look after them an extra week (but we obviously won't do that as GPs are going to cover that). We've looked after them extra when she's been on weekends away or whatever.

OP posts:
BogglesGoggles · 23/08/2019 11:39

I feel like honeymoons are a bit redundant nowadays when married couples tend to know each other very well/have sex before marriage. Nonetheless you are of course entitled to have a couples holiday whenever for whatever reason. So long as you make sure they aren’t upset about it I don’t think that anyone could reasonably find fault.

Aquamarine1029 · 23/08/2019 11:40

My kids would be gutted if we went away on an exciting holiday and left them behind

This isn't simply a "holiday." It's a honeymoon and it's perfectly reasonable that the couple want it to be a private affair for just the two of them.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 23/08/2019 11:40

Tell them there will be lots of kissing and you don't want them to have to see that!!

I think this is a great suggestion! Will also help them see the context that it's not a family holiday, but a special holiday for people who are in love and who have just got married.