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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SC want to come on our honeymoon

133 replies

HoneymoonConfusion · 23/08/2019 11:20

Firstly, I really do have a good relationship with my SC. And with all the drama going on surrounding a certain thread at the moment I'll mention that they are coming to our wedding and have been included in the whole process (like they are with everything).

We get married in a few months and are planning a honeymoon for next year. Older SC asked us if we were going anywhere and H told them what we had planned. Younger SC is now saying they want to come with us. H has said it's for grown ups really but we will do something together. They seem upset about this.

Are we being unreasonable saying no? We will take them somewhere as well but I would enjoy a honeymoon just me and H. I do know some families who have taken children on theirs.

Fwiw, it will not affect their mum in terms of childcare. Hs parents have said they will take them away for our days to Wales/ somewhere similar and they enjoy seeing their grandparents.

Will this pass do you think? I feel a bit awful!

OP posts:
Derbee · 23/08/2019 12:00

YANBU at all. I think because the younger DSC is only 7, there’s just confusion on their part about what a honeymoon is, and how it differs to a normal holiday. Just gently explain that a honeymoon is for two people who get married, and children don’t go. Simple.

SoupDragon · 23/08/2019 12:01

I heard "familymoon" on the radio the other day. Greg James breakfast show I think.

Atsusnai · 23/08/2019 12:01

God no, they can't come, it's your honeymoon. Our children didn't come on our honeymoon. I'm sure they would have liked to, but tough. It's rare enough to get time away with DH, the one time you should should be after you get married. Our honeymoon was important to us precisely for that reason--DH and I haven't been away on our own since, and it's lovely to look back on and have those memories

Original poster
HoneymoonConfusion · 23/08/2019 12:03

crosses fingers that PILs are a nightmare

I really do hate to disappoint but my PILs (to be) are awesome! Grin

BUT I'll make sure to update if MIL turns up to the wedding in a white gown or anything.

OP posts:
hsegfiugseskufh · 23/08/2019 12:04

Yanbu at all. Honeymoons are not for children unless you specifically want them to be!

stucknoue · 23/08/2019 12:06

Personally I kind of am with the kids on this. The concept of a honeymoon is so outdated, from a time when people married young, never lived together and it really was death do us part. Honeymoons are now a blow out holiday, in this case one they are being excluded from. A better compromise in my opinion is a luxurious weekend away in the U.K. (kids won't be interested in such trips) then an amazing family holiday. There's times for holidays without kids in years to come, be happy that they want to come with you

bluebluezoo · 23/08/2019 12:09

Is it somewhere dc have always wanted to go? If so i’d have a tiny bit of sympathy, out of all the places in the world...

I do know someone that went on “honeymoon” to an amazing family friendly destination that their dc had been saying for years they wanted to go to. Went with couple friends so it wasn’t even “alone time”.

Dc were very understandably upset. Of course they never did get to go as the parents wanted to go somewhere different for subsequent family holidays- and it was an expensive destination.

I’d tell the kids the family holiday will be somewhere they want to go, they can even help choose. But this one will be boring adult stuff, seeing ruins, staying in the hotel all day, grown up food etc..

ThatCurlyGirl · 23/08/2019 12:10

@SoupDragon

Tell them they can't come on this as it's adults only but you will arrange a "familymoon" to celebrate being a family

Ah that's such a lovely idea!

You sound really nice and considerate OP - so refreshing you are all focused on what's best for the kids.

It's best for them to understand grown ups are 'allowed' (for want of a better word) alone time and that it's nothing to do with you loving them or not, it's just that you are having a holiday as a couple.

I think it's really important for kids to need to learn they can still be priority in the grand scheme of things while learning to compromise along the way Smile

Hope you have a lovely honeymoon (and familymoon too!) Thanks

MyCatHatesEverybody · 23/08/2019 12:13

Since when is a honeymoon outdated? You could say that about weddings themselves (not marriage - that's a different thing).

If anything a honeymoon is even more relevant when there are step children involved because it's rare time to relax without the mental load of having to actively parent for a few days - time the couple would have had previously if it was a first family.

Glitterbaby17 · 23/08/2019 12:13

Could you plan a familymoon as well even if it’s a special weekend away or the year after? YANBU to want a honeymoon and couple time - we were the same, but we then planned a theme park weekend as a ‘familymoon’ DSD8 would be excited about a bit later on so she had something to look forward to as well

ThatCurlyGirl · 23/08/2019 12:14

PS so you get on with their mum, love your PIL and are reasonable and kind with healthy boundaries...

I hope in order to keep using MN you're at least going to either Maui or the Sistine Chapel.

And paying by cheque Wink

Original poster
HoneymoonConfusion · 23/08/2019 12:14

Is it somewhere dc have always wanted to go?

Not that I know of! They've certainly never mentioned it before and it's not known as a 'family destination'.

OP posts:
doodleygirl · 23/08/2019 12:14

Definitely go without the DSC. I remarried 12 years ago and our kids (one mine, 2 step) had a bit of a whine about not coming with us, we went sans kids and had a fabulous time.

Over the years we have all had brilliant holidays as a family (still do even though they are all grown) and it mattered not a jot that we honeymooned without them.

Have a fabulous wedding and honeymoon and enjoy the following years of wonderful family holidays Flowers

Original poster
HoneymoonConfusion · 23/08/2019 12:15

Sistine Chapel

I love that thread Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
HoneymoonConfusion · 23/08/2019 12:16

Yes just to clarify we are planning on taking them somewhere too definitely.

OP posts:
AlexaAmbidextra · 23/08/2019 12:17

If you have had a couples honeymoon before I would suggest putting the money into a big family getaway instead.

They can do both. Just not at the same time. Children don’t have to included in absolutely everything. 🙄

bluebluezoo · 23/08/2019 12:18

I hope in order to keep using MN you're at least going to either Maui or the Sistine Chapel

Aren’t mn’ers so overcome by the sheer beauty of the sistine chapel they scream and weep, much to the unreasonable embarrassment of their partners?

I’m sure there was a thread...

Waveysnail · 23/08/2019 12:18

As long as kids get nice family holiday the same year then dont see the problem

Poochandmutt · 23/08/2019 12:22

I ended up at Butlins for my honeymoon,with 2 of the kids that weren’t yet 16 ...so couldn’t leave them...
I’m owed another at some point ,it wasn’t fun .

ThatCurlyGirl · 23/08/2019 12:25

@HoneymoonConfusion

Sistine Chapel I love that thread

It's my favourite one ever, it was the gift that kept on giving. I even have a voice for the OP that I hear her posts in. It's shrill. Shrill as fuck 😂

ThatCurlyGirl · 23/08/2019 12:26

@bluebluezoo

That was my little joke 😊

If you haven't read the Maui one you're missing out!

boredboredboredboredbored · 23/08/2019 12:29

Yanbu at all. I'm getting married next year and my dc will be staying with my folks.

needsahouseboy · 23/08/2019 12:31

A honeymoon is not a place for children. My child didn't come on mine and he was a baby.

needsahouseboy · 23/08/2019 12:34

Whats the Sistine Chapel thread? Link anyone please?

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 23/08/2019 12:35

I think if you were going straight after the wedding as in traditional honeymoon style it would be ok. Going the following year isn’t a honeymoon it’s a holiday. They will naturally feel left out and want to go.

It’s different when children are involved as tradition has obviously already gone out of the window.

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