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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SC want to come on our honeymoon

133 replies

HoneymoonConfusion · 23/08/2019 11:20

Firstly, I really do have a good relationship with my SC. And with all the drama going on surrounding a certain thread at the moment I'll mention that they are coming to our wedding and have been included in the whole process (like they are with everything).

We get married in a few months and are planning a honeymoon for next year. Older SC asked us if we were going anywhere and H told them what we had planned. Younger SC is now saying they want to come with us. H has said it's for grown ups really but we will do something together. They seem upset about this.

Are we being unreasonable saying no? We will take them somewhere as well but I would enjoy a honeymoon just me and H. I do know some families who have taken children on theirs.

Fwiw, it will not affect their mum in terms of childcare. Hs parents have said they will take them away for our days to Wales/ somewhere similar and they enjoy seeing their grandparents.

Will this pass do you think? I feel a bit awful!

OP posts:
LillithsFamiliar · 23/08/2019 11:40

It sounds as though your honeymoon is more glamorous than a week in Wales with their granny so of course they'd rather go with you. To DCs, it's a nice holiday. They don't know the significance of a honeymoon. It's still fine to say no.

Notgoodatchoosingnames · 23/08/2019 11:41

We had a honeymoon and left our DC and DSC at home and no one blinked. They're kids, they don't like missing out, but they'll get over it. Nothing for you to feel bad about.

Original poster
HoneymoonConfusion · 23/08/2019 11:41

when married couples tend to know each other very well/have sex before marriage

Yes true. But I am still looking forward to a bit of a shagathon with my new H none the less Blush Grin

OP posts:
missbattenburg · 23/08/2019 11:41

OP, YABVU coming on here to talk about SC that you love and get on with and then adding comments how how reasonable their mother is.

This is not the done thing at all Grin

Not unreasonable for a bride and groom to go on honeymoon by themselves, though.

Queenioqueenio · 23/08/2019 11:42

*My kids would be gutted if we went away on an exciting holiday and left them behind

This isn't simply a "holiday." It's a honeymoon and it's perfectly reasonable that the couple want it to be a private affair for just the two of them*

Yes, I do agree, but young kids won’t understand that. They will see dad & SM going away without them.

Toneitdown · 23/08/2019 11:42

Yanbu at all. Honeymoon is just for the couple. I know some people like to take their kids but that is there own choice and I don't think it should be expected. If I was in your situation I wouldn't take the DC.

Plan something else nice with them and get them excited about it.

BrokenWing · 23/08/2019 11:43

They will probably struggle to see it as a honeymoon when the wedding is this year and you are having a child free holiday next year instead of a traditional honeymoon after the wedding.

Original poster
HoneymoonConfusion · 23/08/2019 11:43

OP, YABVU coming on here to talk about SC that you love and get on with and then adding comments how how reasonable their mother is

Ha! I can't complain!

OP posts:
Zebraaa · 23/08/2019 11:43

YANBU. It’s your honeymoon! It’s couple time. Go and don’t feel guilty at all. This is what majority of married couples (except of course perfect MN’ers Hmm) do!

Toneitdown · 23/08/2019 11:44

Yes, I do agree, but young kids won’t understand that. They will see dad & SM going away without them

So what? That doesn't mean they have to be taken on the honeymoon. It's ok to say no to your DC sometimes. They will survive.

MyCatHatesEverybody · 23/08/2019 11:45

When my DSD was younger she was upset that DH bought me flowers for Valentines Day and didn't buy any for her. Kids instinctively want to be included in stuff but they need to accept that not everything is for them. A honeymoon is one of those occasions, they can have their own one day should they so choose.

Original poster
HoneymoonConfusion · 23/08/2019 11:45

They will probably struggle to see it as a honeymoon when the wedding is this year and you are having a child free holiday next year instead of a traditional honeymoon after the wedding

This is true but it's worked out that way for a few reasons. We want to go in the holidays to try and cause minimal disruption as possible. We have week on week off during school holidays so it's easier to do it then. Also, the place we'd like to go isn't as hot in the later months of the year.

OP posts:
MummytoCSJH · 23/08/2019 11:46

I cant believe someone asked if it would make a difference if they were your own kids. It's a honeymoon, so no it bloody well would not!

Greyponcho · 23/08/2019 11:46

So then a parent going on holiday without them isn’t a new concept to them then, is it, if their DM goes on holiday without them without being pestered? They can’t have what they want all the time.
YANBU to want a proper honeymoon without kids.
Tell them you’ll be going to boring museums all day you’re there and they don’t sell food your DSC like

HollowTalk · 23/08/2019 11:46

How old are the children?

Queenioqueenio · 23/08/2019 11:47

So what? That doesn't mean they have to be taken on the honeymoon. It's ok to say no to your DC sometimes. They will survive.

The OP says she feels a bit awful, I would too.

Original poster
HoneymoonConfusion · 23/08/2019 11:47

How old are the children?

7 and 11. Older one isn't as bothered. It's the younger one thats upset.

OP posts:
katewhinesalot · 23/08/2019 11:49

YANBU. This isn't anything like the other thread in question.

Just explain that after a wedding it's traditional for the bride and groom to have some special time together. That's why it's called a honeymoon rather than holiday. You are just delaying yours a bit because it's easier to organise.

Whatsnewpussyhat · 23/08/2019 11:50

It's your honeymoon. No way should the kids go.

Are you going to Disneyland or similar and that's why younger one wants to go?

blackcat86 · 23/08/2019 11:50

You've explained and you've said no. DSS (15) was a but miffed that me and DH were going on honeymoon despite us going with the date that worked best for him which was just before the schools went back (he had plans with his DM and camp beforehand). We simply explained that he had been very involved in the wedding but our relationship with each other is important to and as we planned a baby next we wanted a relaxed holiday first. He got over it and hadnt mentioned it since. Our new DD is 1.

SoupDragon · 23/08/2019 11:53

Tell them they can't come on this as it's adults only but you will arrange a "familymoon" to celebrate being a family.

Original poster
HoneymoonConfusion · 23/08/2019 11:56

Tell them they can't come on this as it's adults only but you will arrange a "familymoon" to celebrate being a family

I love that! Familymoon Smile

I will suggest this to DP.

OP posts:
BatShite · 23/08/2019 11:57

YANBU. We had this though, kids whinging that we were going somewhere without them when we had our honeymoon. We sorted a family holiday..and they still whinged that 'you are having two holidays and I am just getting one?!?!?'

tisonlymeagain · 23/08/2019 11:59

My kids would be gutted but it's kind of tough really. I don't pander to them, they're old enough to understand the concept of a honeymoon and also old enough to understand that you don't always get what you want.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 23/08/2019 12:00

OP, YABVU coming on here to talk about SC that you love and get on with and then adding comments how how reasonable their mother is

I AGREE!!!

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