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AIBU?

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Original poster

SC want to come on our honeymoon

133 replies

HoneymoonConfusion · 23/08/2019 11:20

Firstly, I really do have a good relationship with my SC. And with all the drama going on surrounding a certain thread at the moment I'll mention that they are coming to our wedding and have been included in the whole process (like they are with everything).

We get married in a few months and are planning a honeymoon for next year. Older SC asked us if we were going anywhere and H told them what we had planned. Younger SC is now saying they want to come with us. H has said it's for grown ups really but we will do something together. They seem upset about this.

Are we being unreasonable saying no? We will take them somewhere as well but I would enjoy a honeymoon just me and H. I do know some families who have taken children on theirs.

Fwiw, it will not affect their mum in terms of childcare. Hs parents have said they will take them away for our days to Wales/ somewhere similar and they enjoy seeing their grandparents.

Will this pass do you think? I feel a bit awful!

OP posts:
quizqueen · 23/08/2019 19:57

Children can't have or do everything they want in life.

Franklymydearidontgiveaham · 23/08/2019 23:03

Have sympathy but don't take them. You'l make a rod for your own back and never get a childfree break if they got upset each time you wanted to do something without them. This should've been nipped in the bud as soon as it came up. Do it quickly like ripping off a plaster. The longer it's dragged out the more inclined they are to think it's a possibility and keep making you feel bad till you relent. Your honeymoon is X- rated NOT PG Wink

BackforGood · 23/08/2019 23:16

We get married in a few months and are planning a honeymoon for next year.

See, I'm with the kids on this one too.
If you were slipping away from the wedding for a weekend, then that is a honeymoon, but this is not even connected to the wedding, even before you think about the fact a 'honeymoon' was traditionally about the newly weds first time having sex / spending the night together. Once you have dc, then I think there isn't really the same "need" for a honeymoon as there was when the concept first came about.

You are actually just going on a fancy holiday without them - not even at the time of the wedding.
Still up to you if you think that is right, or an issue or not, but you are dressing it up into something it isn't to justify it to yourselves.

Skittlenommer · 23/08/2019 23:24

A honeymoon with children would be the worst thing in the world. In fact there would be no point going, they would ruin the whole thing! Leave them behind!!!

user1473878824 · 23/08/2019 23:33

Children can't have or do everything they want in life.
This times x10000000

IncorrigibleTitmouse · 23/08/2019 23:41

I don’t understand this mindset that children have to be included in everything adults do. They are people too, and they pay the bills. If they want adult time away and there’s adequate childcare provision there’s absolutely no reason why they shouldn’t. Parents deserve time to just be themselves too—no need to be chained to your offspring 24/7. They’ll be fine.

IncorrigibleTitmouse · 23/08/2019 23:43

@quizqueen Wholeheartedly agree! It’s a shame so few of them have that instilled in them these days. I work with kids and the adult world is a shock to them when they get there!

Ellmau · 23/08/2019 23:58

just wondering, is it a super special destination compared to family holidays, e.g. the Caribbean when you always take them to Butlins or similar. could you revisit the honeymoon desfination with them, perhaps in cheaper accommodation?

user1473878824 · 24/08/2019 00:27

It’s their honeymoon not a family holiday which they’re also doing! So what if it’s the Caribbean and the children go to butlin’s?!

EL8888 · 24/08/2019 00:42

Hahaha. No. They are being unreasonable and ridiculous. I wouldn’t even discuss it with them. It’s not a topic for discussion or any of their business

EL8888 · 24/08/2019 00:44

The fact they are sc is a red herring. Even my own children wouldn’t be coming

EL8888 · 24/08/2019 00:50

Oh and yeah children need to learn they can’t always have what they what and they aren’t included in everything. The timing of it is also a red herring, many couples have their honeymoon not directly after the wedding

Toneitdown · 24/08/2019 00:56

Children can't have or do everything they want in life.

Umm... you do realise that this is MN? Not taking your child away on your honeymoon is basically child abuse. Even more so if they are step children.

LisaMontgomery · 24/08/2019 01:03

I didn't go on my mums honeymoon when she married my step-dad (I was 4). It has literally never occurred to me that it would ever have been a consideration! Honeymoons are for the newlyweds imo.

KaleidoscopeEyes · 24/08/2019 01:10

They dont have to justify it to themselves! They're actually allowed to do what they want with their own honeymoon and the children need to suck it up. This is why so many children are so entitled. Unpopular opinion maybe but I dont care.

tolerable · 24/08/2019 01:45

YANBU in not taking them. Obviously they are children and the idea of holidaying without them is...something they feel comfortable to complain about. maybe try explaining that a "honeymoon" is only for the two people*mr/mrs...that get married and you have to be a grown up ...so its not a holiday.. (that they can come on).
tell them you'd like them to help arrange the important first "family" jolly.day trip\weekender whatever..and focus on distracting them creating itinery for that perhaps.? x

makingmammaries · 24/08/2019 05:52

Sistine Chapel link:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3178898-DH-embarrassed-by-my-sensitivity

NoSauce · 24/08/2019 06:02

It’s not really a honeymoon though. It’s just a holiday for the two of you. A honeymoon is taken immediately or shortly after the wedding. It’s fine if you want to do that of course but I don’t understand why you’re calling it a honeymoon .

siriusblackthemischieviouscat · 24/08/2019 06:08

While I agree completely that a honeymoon is no place for children and you have every right to go away without them to celebrate your marriage, a holiday taken a year after your marriage is not a honeymoon. You don't just call your first holiday after marriage a honeymoon. The honeymoon is taken fairly quickly after the wedding.

NastyTurnip · 24/08/2019 06:49

Have people missed where the OP said that the reason they can't go straight after the wedding is because they will disrupt the kids routine even further as they have week on week off contact in the school holidays?

Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

If she'd come here and said 'we're going straight after the wedding and their DM is going to have to cover our contact because...tough' you'd all be telling her to wait until it was a better time. It's actually better financially to go outside of term time!

missbattenburg · 24/08/2019 07:32

I remember my mum going away with my paternal gran for a holiday in Italy when I was a child. My brother and I stopped back with my maternal gran - dad worked abroad.

Not going caused me zero harm whatsoever. When I remember most were the little pressies she brought back and her telling us about Vesuvius.

Even with the long gap between wedding and honeymoon I still don't think yabu to go alone.

EscapeTheOrdinary · 24/08/2019 07:36

Go. My parents went on 2 holidays without us as kids and we stayed with grandparents. They weren’t honeymoons and yes when we heard they were going we all said we wanted to go but didn’t care when they were there as we were with grandparents so felt like a holiday for us at the time.

EscapeTheOrdinary · 24/08/2019 07:38

For the record of those saying it’s not a honeymoon a year after we did ours a year after as the destination we wanted to go had the best weather then and it gave us something to look forward to after all the hype. A honeymoon can be when ever you want it to be as it’s just a holiday really

NoSauce · 24/08/2019 08:10

Definition of honeymoon. 1 : a period of harmony immediately following marriage. 2 : a period of unusual harmony especially following the establishment of a new
relationship. 3 : a trip or vacation taken by a newly married couple.

A honeymoon can be when ever you want it to be as it’s just a holiday really
In that case why can’t the SC go?

AlexaAmbidextra · 24/08/2019 08:15

In that case why can’t the SC go?

Because OP and her DH to want to go without them which they are perfectly at liberty to do.

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