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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it’s not rude to tell someone they can’t come on your holiday?

95 replies

Drinkandknowthings · 23/08/2019 10:55

Trying to figure out what relevant backstory!

BIL2 invited himself along on our last holiday to Disneyland Paris. After the trip DH said that BIL2 was saying he wouldn’t mind/would like to go to DisneyWorld Florida with us.

We’ve just booked to go to DisneyWorld Florida in a few months and I really don’t want BIL2 to come. I just don’t get on with him well enough to spend 2 weeks with him.

DH thinks it would be rude to tell him he can’t come if he mentions it. I think it’s ruder to assume you can go along on someone’s family holiday.

DH realises There is an element of BIL2 being the golden child with MIL so I think she’d kick off too. So DH wants to avoid that.

OP posts:
FredaFrogspawn · 23/08/2019 10:57

Of course it isn’t rude. It is rude to assume you can invite yourself onto someone else’s holiday though.

BlueCornsihPixie · 23/08/2019 10:58

Who invites themsleves on someone else's holiday?!

Absolutely not rude to say no

Snowfalling · 23/08/2019 10:59

No of course you're not being unreasonable. Your husband is a weak man who seems to be a bit of a people pleaser though. Stick to your guns and say no. Why should you have to share a family holiday with bil if you don't want to? So what if MIL kicks off, just ignore her.

GotToGoMyOwnWay · 23/08/2019 11:00

BIL is rude. Not you. Let them kick off.

BrutusMcDogface · 23/08/2019 11:00

Just book it and don’t mention it until you’re just about to go and it’s too late? Then feign ignorance. Say dh forgot to mention it to you.

Has bil got no family of his own, though? Is he lonely?

FamilyOfAliens · 23/08/2019 11:01

Your DH sounds spineless, tbf.

Eustasiavye · 23/08/2019 11:08

No you are not being rude.
Don't mention it to bil, then if he does find out it will hopefully be too late for him to book.

Windydaysuponus · 23/08/2019 11:11

Mil isn't the keeper of your lives. Tell them both to do one.
Or they can holiday together!

HairyFloppins · 23/08/2019 11:11

I think it's bloody rude to invite yourself on someone's holiday.

We had this once, completely changed the dynamics and ruined the holiday. I am still angry 5 years on.

Usa666 · 23/08/2019 11:14

This is ridiculous. Tell him this is a immediate family only holiday and you don't need a third wheel thanks.

FiveGoMadInDorset · 23/08/2019 11:14

I have just done 4 nights with my mother on holiday, she invited herself and asked me at a really bad moment and I said yes, what a nightmare and has damaged rhe good relationship she had with my DC's, be rude otherwise you may get to the point that you won't want to see him again

CalmdownJanet · 23/08/2019 11:15

Of course it's not bloody rude!

GCAcademic · 23/08/2019 11:15

DH thinks it would be rude to tell him he can’t come if he mentions it. I think it’s ruder to assume you can go along on someone’s family holiday.

^You have it, OP. Your BIL is a cheeky fucker. Why does your DH think you should be polite, accommodating and basically a doormat to someone who is rude?

Queenioqueenio · 23/08/2019 11:16

Its soooo rude to invite yourself on someone’s holiday. It’s such an imposition.
I’d say something really simple like, no we just want to go on our own. Then don’t tell him any dates / details of your plans so he can’t pitch up anyway.

DarlingNikita · 23/08/2019 11:17

Well, YANBU obviously and your DH is just being stupid.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 23/08/2019 11:18

Sorry, but your DH needs to grow a backbone.

Of course it's not rude.

EmeraldShamrock · 23/08/2019 11:20

Definitely not rude more self preservation. Grin Tell him no.

Cryalot2 · 23/08/2019 11:24

Dont tell him until the last minute .
Why does he want to go with you? Your dh needs to man up.

DishingOutDone · 23/08/2019 11:24

Um, how old is BiL? If he's 10 then that's a bit sad, but still up to you! If he's 40 then oh dear ....!!

Jaxhog · 23/08/2019 11:25

Who invites themselves on someone else's holiday?!

Quite.

LillithsFamiliar · 23/08/2019 11:30

Are you sure he's inviting himself? Maybe your DH has invited him but doesn't want to admit it because you're so opposed to the idea.

As for your original question, it isn't rude to say someone can't come on your holiday. But I think you need an honest chat with DH where you give him the opportunity to explain why he wants DBIL to come. You're still allowed to say 'no' but I think you may be diverting the problem out to yoru DBIL and DMIL when actually it's your DH you need to have a conversation with.

MoaningMinnie1 · 23/08/2019 11:31

BIL obviously thinks you get on better than you do :-), he assumes he'll be welcome to join you!

Of course it isn't rude to say you want the holiday on your own, it's actually quite reasonable.

BogglesGoggles · 23/08/2019 11:33

Take my advice and don’t tell him you are going.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 23/08/2019 11:35

Just say no-it’s not happening, if he goes, you won’t. Simples

MotherOfSoupDragons · 23/08/2019 11:39

Just say no then stop discussing future holiday plans with him (and his mother).

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