To think it’s not rude to tell someone they can’t come on your holiday?

[Drinkandknowthings]

Trying to figure out what relevant backstory!

BIL2 invited himself along on our last holiday to Disneyland Paris. After the trip DH said that BIL2 was saying he wouldn’t mind/would like to go to DisneyWorld Florida with us.

We’ve just booked to go to DisneyWorld Florida in a few months and I really don’t want BIL2 to come. I just don’t get on with him well enough to spend 2 weeks with him.

DH thinks it would be rude to tell him he can’t come if he mentions it. I think it’s ruder to assume you can go along on someone’s family holiday.

DH realises There is an element of BIL2 being the golden child with MIL so I think she’d kick off too. So DH wants to avoid that.

Of course it's not rude. Your BIL is rude for expecting to be invited or inviting himself, and your DH is spineless to roll-over and allow it so he doesn't upset his mummy.

Tell him to back your family.

YANBU at all OP! BIL is a cheeky fucker

YANBU. What an inconsiderate prick..

It depends on how old the BIL is surely? If he's 12 then its understandable that he would like to go on such a holiday! If he's 25 then hes being unreasonable

Do this face

And say no.

If dh gets stroppy tell him he can share a room with bil..
And mean it.

Out of curiosity who pays for him?

YANBU btw, your DH is tho for being too scared to tell him no.

Just tell him straight faced that you and dh like to have passionate experimental sex on the kitchen table afetr the kids are in bed on holiday, and he cramps your style.

Also, even if he gets wind of it, just accidentally either never tell him the date, or deliberately give him the dates for July instead of August.

Your dh is going to find it hard to say no, so plan to give him lots of wrong data.

I'm guessing he has noone else to go on these holidays with, which is why he's tagging onto yours. Point out to your DH that there is a REASON he has noone else to go on these holidays with. If he wasn't a spoilt manchild (a frequent result of being the golden child) he'd have his own friends and/or family to go with. Why should you have to put up wih him?!

BIL2 is 43!!! (I think, definitely over 40!). I wanted to keep the holiday details quite but DH has already told PIL.

Someone upthread said something about BIL2 assuming we’re closer than we are and that’s definitely true. He’s moved abroad now but when he lived close by he would keep coming to our house and just walking in the door without knocking. We live somewhere where it was common to leave your door unlocked.

I would be furious with my husband if he just let BIL walk over him like that.

Seem it all about what his brother wants, what about what you want?

I would refuse to go at all unless your husband gets a backbone and tells brother no.

Let the brothers have a nice little break just the two of them if your OH is so bloody keen.

Nope he's the rude one, not you.

If his brother is the golden child, he's been trained that the priorty should be keeping him and his mother happy, and that other people just have to make the best of it.

It's time to be clear he can't put your feelings second and expect you to just put up with it.

So I would say to him calmly and clearly, if BIL goes on the holiday, you will not. That this is a line in the sand for you, if DH can't put you and the DCs first, your marriage is in trouble. You will not get on the plane.

Refuse to discuss it further.

Make DH more scared of upsetting you.

Your DH is choosing to placate his mother and brother over his relationship with his wife and children. You are going to face this problem over and over again until DH decides to cut the umbilical cord.

Dear god. 43.

Sadly, you have a DH problem. @DisgruntledGuineaPig has it sussed.

It’s incredibly rude to invite yourself on someone else’s holiday. And I say that as a lonely singleton who likes to travel!

I know someone who has a bunch of hanger onners going on honeymoon with her!

She invited her Dad along as he had offered to help with childcare. The next thing her Mum and Dad’s lodger (the Dad’s friend) said he’d come along for the Craic. Then the entire group of mates that they drink down the pub with said they’d go along too.

So she’s got about a dozen men crashing her honeymoon.

I’d cancel it if I was her. Sounds absolute madness.

Simply say that it is a family holiday for you DH and kids only to spend quality time and to make memories that will last a lifetime so no he can’t come and if he chooses to book the same dates etc then he will be there on his own as you won’t be engaging with him.

Sorry Fred its a no ...its our family time and just us ...no more negotiating or discussion needed.

Your DH is a wet people-pleaser who's been trained to toe the family party line about appeasing BIL.

Make it very plain that your MIL 'kicking off' would be as nothing compared to the unbelievable shitstorm you would create and thoroughly enjoy creating if he even contemplated the idea of his rude brother gatecrashing your holiday.

FUCK THAT! I'd cancel the booking unless your H tells him it is family only.

I think you’re gonna have to nip it in the bud. Message bil that you know he wanted to come but this time you’ve booked it for the immediate family so he cannot come this time but you’ll let him know next time you go. I wouldn’t leave it down to dh to tell him as next thing you know bil will have booked his flight

The family dynamics are difficult but you didn't create them & you don't have to live by them.

Please say no & don't feel guilty about it. Just enjoy your holiday without him.

Make it clear this is the way things are & will be, for your bit of the family. The rest of them can do what they like.

Not RTFT but could you ask your Dh why he thinks it is more important to please his brother than his wife? I am sure you deserve a decent holiday. Don't let your BIL fuck it up.

Sadly OP you have to make DH more scared of upsetting you than MIL. Practise going ape shit with knobs on.

Book it and don’t tell him