GCSE results not great ......how do I behave?

[CharlesRiver]

Hi All,

Not sure if this is the best place for this but here goes.

DS’s GCSE results were not great. Mixture of 5’s and 4’s (more 5’s by one). Luckily, he got accepted back into his school (with conditions) to do two of his A level subjects, but has had to change one.

He wouldn’t have been accepted in his other choice of school, so I was really grateful and relieved and so was he. I am absolutely gutted with the results and he’s not so groovy himself. One of the conditions is a retake of one subject - and here’s my dilemma....

How do I behave? Do I go softly softly and let him enjoy the rest of the holiday or do I go gung-ho and ask him to start studying now? Or should watch and see if he takes the initiative?

AIBU for having feelings of embarrassment and feeling like a failure (even though I know he’s got to take some responsibility)?

I cried to a friend earlier today. Is anyone else feeling like me?

I think they are his results, and you can be disappointed in him if he didn't work, however you would already have known that so it can't be a shock to you if his results weren't as expected. I think the results are irrelevant really, because it's the amount of work he put in and you would already know that

I think at this point it's time for just giving him a hug. Give him some time to process the results.

I got 7 As at GCSE, and I vividly remember coming home really happy and my parents being quite obviously disappointed and telling me of all the people they knew who'd got 13 As. This really affected me, and I felt quite inadequate for a long time. I had worked hard but my parents had put so much pressure on me, and I put pressure on myself I just felt like a total failure. I still get really upset thinking about it and I'm not exactly a delicate person! It was just an awful feeling, it felt like I wasn't good enough for them.

I think he will know how well he's done, and at 16 it's up to him how he feels about the results. They aren't your results.

I got 5 A's, 5B's and 2 C's.
I didn't open my envelope straight away. I walked to my mums work place so I could open them infront of her.

Her response was. "That's not as good as I expected, You are clever I thought you would get staright A's"

The truth is I was capable of striaght A's but I had stretched myself too far doing 12 subjects.
To this day (15 years later) it still stings that she couldn't be proud first and then try and help me study smarter for A levels.
The hardest bit to accept is that even with my "disappointing" grades I still got better grades then both of my sisters combined.

I only passed 3 GCSEs, I was away when results came out, and remember mums disappointed voice as she read my results out. I thought my life was over.

Fast forward 30 years I have 4 A-Levels, a degree, 2 post-grads, and earn £70k a year. It was a bit more of a winding path to get there, than my friends - but did some great(and not so great) jobs, met some interesting people, and am now in a great place.
My daughter is 13, and of course I hope she passes her GCSEs, but, I won’t be panicking if things aren’t as expected

judging by the typo's above I'm suprised I got any GCSE's

I think Being embarrassed is horrible actually

Disappointed in his work ethic, yes. But embarrassed no!

I only passed 5 GCSEs (only took 8...astonishes me that kids now take 12)

I scraped into sixth form. Did better at a level because it was just the subjects I liked and did well at uni.

Nobody has ever asked me about my GCSE results since and I'm successful in my field of work.

Cheer up OP far too much focus is put on GCSE results. Most European countries dont even test 16 yr olds

I really don’t think you can get far with those grades, they highly restrict your opportunities. I suppose that if the 4s where in Eng and Maths he has already dramatically reducing his opportunities of employment as an adult. So it is great he has the opportunity to retake and re sit the exams.

I understand you feeling flutter but I think he is already feeling more gutted than you. So perhaps this is the time to sit him down to agree a revising routine (15-20 mins revision a day for each subject he covered in school on the day) and get him all the study guides and practice sheets he needs for it. The school will be able to tell you which are the right ones to get.

The only thing I would say, agree to the routine but don’t pester him outside of those times. As long as he keeps to his part of the agreement and he does at least 45 minutes a day he will see real changes.

Best of luck, and honestly, repeating this year is much better than going ahead somewhat crippled by grades that really should NOT be so important considering their young age but that, unfortunately, they are.

Funny to see gutted changed by autocorrect to flutter! Sorry for all the typos.

He has not dramatically reduced any opportunities if he got a 4. So much misinformation on MN.

"Be proud that he passed" is a pretty useless comment if he was capable of A* in everything. Context is all.

Yep, he needs a holiday break, but talk with him about what he feels he needs to achieve with the retake, and work out a plan with him about how to get there.
Sympathise with him over his disappointment, but focus on the future and how to move forward, rather than what's happened.

You cannot just randomly resit GcSE’s! Why do people keep suggesting this? You need to firstly find a provider that will allow retakes for a pass anyway, because they likely won’t get any funding for doing so, and then you do not just turn up in November and resit you retake the classes too. Or you could find a provider where you can pay to retake them but you can’t just re enter into taking them all again next time round

^unless OP is prepared to pay hundreds to have them all resat again

I think it's important to highlight that a capable student may not do as well as they could in their GCSEs as school might not be the right environment, or subject mix, for them to perform to the best of their ability.

I was always pegged as a good student, did well through primary school, and got a scholarship to a private secondary. I disliked it very much and don't do well with rote-based learning.

I walked away from that school with A BB CCCCC DDD at GCSE. Not bad but according to teachers, not what I could have managed.

College was similar, and I walked away with CDD at A-Level.

Got into uni via clearing.

Uni is where I really flourished - doing a subject I had a passion for. I still wasn't great at exams but came into my own during project based work.

I went on to do a Masters and then secured a fully funded PhD studentship at a top 5 University, which I flew through.

So I guess what I'm saying is - I managed to 'fulfil my potential, academically' (whatever that means) - but only at a different type and level of study.

Just my experience, and I hope it makes sense.

Where has OP gone?

Of course you are being unreasonable!
My son is 20 and never took his GCSE's.
He's never spoken a word in his life, doesn't know hoe to read or write.
In fact he doesn't even know how to use a pen.
It upsets me when parents get so upset about their children not doing as well as they expected/ hoped them to in their GCSE's.
My son's ability to get by in a world without words where everyone around him seems to be speaking a different language makes me prouder than any exam results.
It also makes me appreciate the simple things in life and be thankful that my younger children will grow up to live independent lives as opposed to being on a care ratio of 1-to-1 while pacing up and down shaking a rattle.

It's not the time nor place to say "told you so". It's the time to be supportive and find a way forward. If re-takes are the best option, then that should be the focus. Explore all opportunities properly, i.e. local colleges, schools with sixth forms, etc., to find out which will support re-sits alongside further education. Don't be blinkered with your own preconceptions. Many schools/colleges offer a lot of advice and support.

But likewise, don't be persuaded into a course if it's not right. My nephew was conned into doing a college course after being thrown out of his sixth form for poor L6 end of year exams, on the promise of the college course having enough points for Uni. As it turned out, the points weren't enough so he ended up with a college qualification that was no use to him.

The big thing, when the time is right, is to use poor past results as a rocket up the backside to work harder in the next phase, i.e. keep up to date with home/course work, revise properly for tests and exams, etc. Now's not the time, but poorer results than capable of is definitely something he needs to learn from and act upon to stop repeats in the future!

far too much focus is put on GCSE results

In the long term, yes, of course, few people will care about your GCSEs when you're 40. But short term, they're gateways to further education, apprenticeships, jobs, etc., so really DO matter now. They matter if you can't go onto do A levels or can't get on the college course you wanted to do. Yes, of course, there are alternatives, and also you can re-take in later years, but doing them again or changing careers in adult life is always going to be harder, more costly, and less convenient than doing it at the right time when you're young, when it's free and when you don't have other commitments.

5's are B and passes so that is good no?.
No a high C but still a decent pass.

Thank you for all the messages. I can’t give further specific information due to outing but I can say that: yes I did hug him and yes I gave him a present and yes a little meal is organised for today.

I can also say in response to many questions that he was expected to do better by his teachers and by his standards (as well as mine) and his tutors especially in certain subjects where he is actually quite good. For the record, I did not have a go, but merely pointed out that a bit of extra hard work would have yielded dividends.

I am happy that he’s back in his school and that definitely bodes well for him and with no prompting from me he promised to work hard.

Much of the advice on here that said he has got to turn it around himself that is what we were told in school yesterday and I feel and believe he will do it. I have got his back in anything and everything and yes I am absolutely proud of him as a person.

I will not be reading or replying to anymore posts. I think I have a fairly good idea of what to do going forward, (and yes my feelings in front of my friend were my feelings and I’m allowed to have them).

Thank you all and goodbye.

Why are so many parents (inaccurately) 'converting' grades to an old system?!

A 4 is not 'equivalent' to a C, nor is a 5 a B.

The system changed. I'm not saying it's better, but it's different.

Why are so many parents (inaccurately) 'converting' grades to an old system?!

Because that's how schools are still doing it ime.

RosalineOxy

Probably because most recruiters will do the same. It is pretty standard to benchmark results against something familiar.
So if a 5 in today's system is an acceptable pass, it's only natural to compare it to what was seen as an acceptable pass in the old system. e.g a C

Rosaline
Umm.. I'm guessing you don't work for ofqual.gov.uk!
See pic.

Here. See pic 2

"Be proud that he passed" is a pretty useless comment if he was capable of A in everything. Context is all.*

This.
It depends on the child's ability and the general level/expectation of the school.
In my old school getting B grades was considered abject failure. If I remember correctly one of the kids who was projected all A*s cried as one or two of them turned out to be A's.

If it's that kind of school, of course he'll be disappointed.