If you are overweight you shouldn’t expect partner to find you attractive

[Farrowandbrawl]

If you have become very overweight during course of your relationship ( no health issues) is it unreasonable for other partner to no longer be attracted?
Context . One partner very very overweight unfit . Other slim and fit .
Both work . Both do equal childcare.

typing error!!! the lack of moving and laziness does NOT turn me on!

This thread is definitely trigger bait
Keep scrolling people

Wow....(backs out of thread in utter disgust)

OP it’s really really hard to face up to the state you get yourself into and that it’s all your own fault. Self esteem is often through the floor . Exercise is a bloody nightmare and people laugh at you when they see you trying. People can say all they like it doesn’t happen but it does. I’ve had people shouting names at me in the street and calling me Michelle McManus etc. Getting exercise clothing to fit is difficult and they can be very expensive. I’ve spent a fortune on cycling clothes an absolute fortune but it makes a difference to my comfort to wearing slobby old trousers and a t shirt and also my self esteem. Exercising itself is difficult because the effort involved to move a huge bulk is really hard and can also cause injury (I tore my cruciate ligament) and so all I really do is walk. It’s taken me years of hurting myself and fucking things up to get to the point I’ve realised that’s Ok

Again though if you don’t want to stay with him then no one can force you to love or find him attractive. Do you think your feelings towards him would change if he did lose weight?

**LONLEY

Bet you think you're just gorgeous*
Lol

🙄 what a hugely intelligent and insightful contribution @tirednhungry247

LatteLove

I get all the things you site as difficulties I really do.
However I would say he’s brimming with confidence and I doubt esteem is an issue.
If he said it was I could understand
Got loads of exercise dvd at home ( that I use). He’s got a gym at his work. He has membership to s local gym.
He had exercise apps on his phone that you can do in your pants and no one would know!
Or even jf he decided to cut down drinking, it would be something.
It’s just I feel like he really must not give a shit

@LatteLove
Thanks

Do you really think you'd get the attraction back if he lost the weight though? I think partly why you've had a lot of angry responses on this thread is that it comes across that you have a real intense repulsion towards him and that bothers people who come across that attitude elsewhere because of their weight. Is there much you find attractive about him now if the weight wasn't an issue any more?

You do also seem full of hatred for your partner and I bet that he is picking up on this loss of love, and I'm sure your children are picking up on the tension too.

Yup. Something I’ve said twice now. @Farrowandbrawl any thoughts on this or do you think you hide your disgust and dislike 100% of the time at home?

A stone or 2, yes I could cope with especially if it has happened over time that you don't really notice. Significantly heavier.... I am afraid I am in the shallow category. Sex is about attraction.... It doesn't mean you don't love them, their personality etc it's human instinct... I sometimes wish I could be like most MNers 🤔

And that works both ways by the way....just before anyone else jumps on that bandwagon.

Ill be interested to see who is who in this situation. The woman posting about her husband gaining weight is seemingly acceptable but a man complaining about his wife....... Don the tin hats!!

RedWoollyHat

Well I think it would help a great deal.
Sex would not be uncomfortable
He’d be able do more kids stuff - swimming / cycling/ rope top stuff
It would show me my feelings matter to him

IHateUncleJamie

Yes I did put on a happy front actually.
I can’t vent on here as it’s anonymously
But yes at home I’m happy, easygoing, pretty good at the act I’d say
I knor you’ll say I can’t be . I’m coming across as an utter bitch. But if you met me you’d not have a clue

If we reversed this and had a guy saying he no longer was attracted to hos wife who is now a size 18 after giving birth and family life happening not having much time for herself etc. How many that are agreeing with the OP now would call the husband a mean horrible bully and the wife would be better leaving him

I sympathise as my DH has gained a lot of weight over the past few years. His weight gain has gone on around his hips and stomach. He looks like a heavily pregnant woman from some angles which is not sexually attractive to me. In my DH’s case it’s down to heavy drinking and then eating pizza or burgers because he’s either hungover or half cut 🙄

demureandgraceful

Seriously?

He’s not given birth .
Also where do you get he has little time to himself
He gets loads of time to himself - much more than I do
He often has days off in the week when kids are at school ( at least 2 days sometimes 5)

Mamaslave18

Yes the pregnant look is very 🙄 especially as you know there is no baby to look forward to

Op
So if you act like everything is fine at home does he actually KNOW that you are so unhappy and why?

Have you talked to him and said what is stake ?

**
I do act happy in front of the kids. I mostly act happy in front of him.
I’ve in the past many many times asked him to lose weight, in all sorts of ways and he’s responded either / yeah sure I’m going to go to gym
Or .. ok I’ll just eat nothing then 🙄
Or ok yeah I’m going to xxxxx diet- normally something completely unworkable with normal life
And then he just reverts
I can only assume he wants to have sex with me as he tells mr so , tells me how good I look, I turn him on. He knows full fucking well sex is uncomfortable for me due to his size but I doubt he cares

If we reversed this and had a guy saying he no longer was attracted to hos wife who is now a size 18 after giving birth and family life happening not having much time for herself etc. How many that are agreeing with the OP now would call the husband a mean horrible bully
You cant help how you feel if it was a DH or DW in the OP.
I am really sorry to say this but having a baby doesn't make you a size 18.
Most bodies will go back to the right shape if your not over eating or drinking lots of alcohol.
I would honestly feel OP has a point as a male or female, I think OP seems harsh as they're probably angry having tried talking, encouraging, helping DP.

@missperegrinespeculiar

Firstly, why should I doubt the OP? I have no reason to do so.

Secondly, yes: I have a full understanding of what lengths people will go to lose weight. You'll just have to trust me on that one.

I often find it’s ugly skinny people like Katie Hopkins that are so nasty about fat people. Like I get it, you’re skinny and hideously ugly, that’s all you have is your thinness.

That's a particularly unpleasant post

So many posters here seem to be equating OP's husband's lifestyle induced obesity with their own weight gain from pregnancies/health conditions etc.. The OP has made it clear his weight gain is not at all like that, it's his lifestyle causing it.

I would argue that he is being selfish by not attempting to address it, he has children who need a father to be around for as long as possible and it is stopping him from actively participating in their upbringing and in his own marriage. This leaves the OP to pick up all the slack of doing activities with the children and chores requiring exertion and also limits how they spend time together as a couple, yet he doesn't sound at all bothered by the consequences of his lifestyle.

@EmeraldShamrock not saying it is impossible but being healthy and eating clean becomes a lot more difficult once kids are involved.

Don't have a child nor am I a size 18 but I know when me and DP go through periods of high stress where we have little time we don't eat healthy, we eat what is convenient which is usually the oppesit of healthy because that is all we have energy for before falling asleep on the sofa out of exhaustion or close to. This is not going to get any easier with a child