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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex partner’s wedding

134 replies

CathyTre · 22/08/2019 16:40

My ex got married yesterday (to the OW, just as a matter of fact, I’m very much over it, but was very angry at the time). I do not care that he got remarried. I am also very recently married, and very happy 😃

However... he did not actually invite my eldest son to his wedding. My small children were there and I gather from the fact that they were wearing little suits, page boys. My middle son has told me about being in all the photos, described the day etc.

My eldest son is nearly 19 ( Littles much younger). He would not actually have gone to the wedding as is at a festival.

Last year, my ex bought him nothing fir his 18th and sent no card. He called him to say happy birthday, that’s it.

And now they didn’t invite him to their wedding??

Eldest son is upset but said he would just assume ex wants to cut him off and is just going to have a nice time at festival and nice birthday on Sunday. But he IS upset at not being invited.

I’m really sad on his behalf, and messaged ex to say I thought it was a dick move on his part. AIBU?

OP posts:
ShirleyPhallus · 22/08/2019 16:41

Nah that’s a mega dick move and he definitely should have been called on it

Contraceptionismyfriend · 22/08/2019 16:41

Is the eldest your Ex's son? Or was he his step son during your relationship?

SheChoseDown · 22/08/2019 16:42

Is he his dad?

Myfeetarekillingme · 22/08/2019 16:43

How do you know he wasn't invited? Perhaps he was and said no as he was at the festival? They clearly have no problem inviting your children if all the others were there? There's more to this than your son is telling you.

MrPan · 22/08/2019 16:43

Yes.

You don't wish a conversation with him on it, ex- can invite who he wants, it's outside of your sphere, and it does sound a bit like you have unsettled issues with ex-.

IfYouWannaComeBack · 22/08/2019 16:43

Is he SS to your Ex or his biological child? X

SirJamesTalbotAndHisSpeculum · 22/08/2019 16:43

No I think that was nasty of him not to invite your DS, whether he is his own child or a step-child. They were obviously part of one another's lives for a long time.

Ilikethisone · 22/08/2019 16:44

Did no one know he was getting married? Until it happened?

Is he your exs son?

IfYouWannaComeBack · 22/08/2019 16:44

If you share children, how did you not know when he was getting married? That’s so odd in itself

DoesThisLookRight · 22/08/2019 16:44

It depends entirely on whether he is your ds1’s dad or not.

Pipandmum · 22/08/2019 16:45

Awful. My husband wasn’t invited to his mothers second wedding when he was 12 even though all amiable. She just didn’t think I guess. He never forgave her and considered it proof that she more or less abandoned him (she kept his younger brother but my husband went to live with his dad who sent him boarding). Shame. Could you not have a quiet non confrontational word with your ex?

Ilikethisone · 22/08/2019 16:47

For context I am asking because dp has a adult step son, who we see I and get on with.

However, he doesnt come to my family events and wouldnt come to our wedding. He has made it clear his mum still isnt happy with our relationship (not the OW, do was separated 6 months before I met him and seperate nearly 2 by the time we started dating). He has told her ot wont come between him and dp, but he feels attending our events would end up with his mum being really angry with him.

Trying to be as nice I can be, if he isnt ex dps, did dp think asking your son would put your son in a bad position?

Original poster
CathyTre · 22/08/2019 16:47

He is not his biological dad, but has been in his life as his father since he was tiny (he had no biological father involvement for very valid reasons). He has in all respects always been his dad. And the Littles are his brothers. He left me for her when eldest was sixteen so three years ago and had had contact with him obviously since, but mostly when ex wanted to take him for a drink and find out what I’m up to, for whatever reason!

I should stress, I’m NOT bitter he got married, I’m really happy in my own relationship with my husband, but I’m so sad for eldest as he has been completely pushed out.

I just can’t understand why he would do this. Maybe because his new wife is only ten years older than my (well our, really) son? And it’s uncomfortable?

OP posts:
Original poster
CathyTre · 22/08/2019 16:48

He did not tell me he was getting married (I told him ages ago that I was) and I only found out today.

OP posts:
Original poster
CathyTre · 22/08/2019 16:50

I am really really not at all bothered about his marriage to his new wife; I don’t have a terribly high opinion of her for obvious reasons, but by all accounts she is nice to my children and makes him happy, as is the case in my own new marriage.

OP posts:
Ilikethisone · 22/08/2019 16:51

I dont think the wifes age is anything to do with it. That's quite an odd reason to come up with.

The reason is probably, because he is your son. Not his. Which is shitty if he brought your son up. He probably felt having your son there would be uncomfortable. I suspect the wife wouldnt have been happy having him there and probably views you son as just your son.

You ex is a dick though. He should have had a converstation with ds.

What is she thinking. Dp brought his step son up. I would be totally put off dp if ditched his step son, when the marriage ended. Really shitty behaviour.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 22/08/2019 16:51

Of course it's different if he were a step child.

RasberryRoyale · 22/08/2019 16:51

Your Ex is a dick. He raised your DS as his son, it’s not okay to not invite your DS.

My Dad is not my bio dad. My bio dad is as much use as a knitted condom. I would be very upset if he and my Mum separated and we lost contact and didn’t invite me to a future wedding. Especially if I had siblings that were.

Original poster
CathyTre · 22/08/2019 16:53

By which I mean - we are both happy now, probably much more so when we were together and much more suited, both of us, to our new partners.

Obviously I wasn’t over the moon about his affair when we had a tiny baby and it was all a bit messy when we split up, but - whatever. It worked out best for all of us.

But this is a horrible thing to do in my opinion.

OP posts:
Myfeetarekillingme · 22/08/2019 16:53

You've told us she's the OW. She's younger than him by quite a margin, they didn't tell you they were getting married. And you're not bitter? Really?

Bookworm4 · 22/08/2019 16:53

So he took your younger sons for the day, said nothing then dressed them up for his wedding? Very odd, why the big secret?

Ilikethisone · 22/08/2019 16:56

To be fair, exh used to have 50:50 care of the kids. He didnt tell me he was moving house with his girlfriend of 6 weeks.

Until ds told me they had moved house on his week with his dad.

Original poster
CathyTre · 22/08/2019 16:58

I’m really honestly not bitter. I’ve had time to revert of course. And I’m happily remarried too. The affair was awful and hurtful of course. But I think he’s really in love with her, and although I didn’t expect to, I met my now husband six months after he left.

And as I say, my children seem very comfortable with her and accept the situation totally; I have always been careful not to say anything negative about her.

I’m honestly not bitter! I was initially terribly hurt, but not now. We’re all adults.

But I’m sad because my son is upset.

OP posts:
Original poster
CathyTre · 22/08/2019 16:59

Revert? I meant reflect autocorrect!!

OP posts:
littleduckeggblue · 22/08/2019 17:03

But he's not your ex's child so why would be invite him? You are remarried so your eldest has a new StepDad.

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