I have posted about this before under a different user name - just in case anyone recognises the story - things have progressed further now though.
I am genuinely looking for any wise words that might help me see this whole situation in a more positive light or just help me navigate a way forward.
We had an extension built earlier this year - and I know that to own a house and be doing an extension already makes me someone who has been incredibly lucky in the general lottery of life.
We borrowed 50K from the bank which was the max we could (on top of our mortgage) according to our salaries so there is no possibility of borrowing more for a long time.
Throughout the build the relationship with the builder broke down completely as he got furious with us for ever questioning or complaining about anything. At the end of of the build he sent us a final invoice but we sent back a snagging list and also the requirement for the final building control inspection (having found out he had not organised any of the interval inspections with building control in spite of telling us he had both verbally and it was in his contract to do so).
He went mad at us and started making threats if we don't pay him all the money and has carried out some of these threats including contacting my place of work and telling them I am mentally unstable and have post natal depression and am aggressive and volatile (our second child was born prematurely during the build and we also have a just turned 2 year old), he contacted social services and told them the same, that we were a risk to our children and my husband is abusive. He contacted the GMC and told them I was not safe to see patients (I am a doctor). He has threatened to contact my husband employers with similar and also my Dad's. He has threatened to send bailiffs round. He has told us he wants us to lose everything including our home. Just for the record there is absolutely no basis to any of his assertions about our character.
It was hell. Eventually we got the police involved and the harassment side of things has now stopped. Nothing has come of any of his accusations as they are all baseless but it was a terrifying time - never knowing what his next move might be.
Now he has backed off but cut a long story short it turns out he did a terrible job of the build - to the extent that it will have to be knocked down and re-built. No part of it complies with building regs not least the foundations are not deep enough. He told us he was getting building control in but he wasn't. Quotes for the re-build are coming in at £60,000 plus but we won't be able to afford to this for a long time - this means we are tied to the house and the area until we can which was not our plan.
I know we will eventually cobble the money together through a few years of hard saving and contributions from family and we are incredibly lucky to be in the position to do that. But I can't get my head round all the other things we could have done with that money - not least for our children. I can't believe how hard he went after us - and me in particular - having recently given birth - and all along he had completely screwed the whole thing up. We will have to change the way we live for the next few years to save the money.
The reason I am posting today is because we finally found out for sure there is no point in pursuing him for the money - he is personally liable but doesn't seem to have any assets - so we would win in court but never actually get the money.
Can anyone help me frame this in a more positive light? I know I am so fortunate in SO many ways - I just need to get my head around this so I can move on. Anyone got any stories of having been though similar and come out the other side?