OP, I really feel for you. We are going through exactly the same thing at the moment (have recently posted about it on another thread) and it’s nearly broken us.
In our case these ‘builders’ (criminals) conned lots of families out of tens of thousands of pounds and left all of us living in highly dangerous, structurally unsound wrecks.
Some of the other people involved have taken a group action via Trading Standards which has been ongoing for over a year and may now possibly see some results. Nobody will be getting any of their money back (as in your case, these people hide or divest all their assets, seem to own nothing of any value and bear no personal liability for their actions). But they may get some jail time and possibly be prevented from scamming anyone else in the short term.
The action was driven by a tenacious lady who was definitely of the ‘go for the jugular’ school of thought, and I hope the results she’s achieved will go some way to giving her and her family closure. Initially I was all for supporting the claim, but realised it was taking such a toll on all of us at a time when we were at absolute rock bottom, that I pulled out.
I felt guilty and selfish doing so, because it meant the claim was less likely to succeed, but at the time we were literally running on empty, financially and emotionally, and the added mental and administrative load of pursuing these people was more than I could cope with. Plus, it keeps the whole thing - the stress, the anger, the emotion, the despair -bubbling right on the surface as you’re faced with talking and thinking about it every day. For us, it was definitely the right thing to let it go - it still makes me more angry than I can say when I dwell on it, but the relief of just walking away with the aim of putting it behind us was immense.
Once we’d made that decision, we could start to try to navigate a way through it all. So I guess what I’m saying is, it’s different strokes, and you need to the approach the situation in whichever way you feel will give you the greatest peace of mind, whether that’s going after the bastard, or walking away with your chin up.
And you’ve already found - as we have - that there are really kind people out there who will do their best to help you. We’ve subsequently had wonderful builders working here as and when we can afford it, and other professionals have shown such generosity it’s really restored our faith in people.
The state of the legal and regulatory frameworks in this country needs another whole fucking thread, btw. It’s utterly iniquitous and beggars belief that we endorse a system that allows career criminals to set up and collapse companies with impunity, to falsify qualifications and testimonials, to steal from and intimidate people with no fear of any real consequences. Apparently in the US this doesn’t happen bc builders are personally liable for customers’ losses to the tune of three times the contract price (that’s what I’ve heard, anyway - I’m sure someone who knows can confirm if that’s true!).
Good luck, OP. Take a few deep breaths every day and regroup. If the fury you feel doesn’t provide fuel for action then you have to try to let go, as it’ll only eat you up. Whatever happens, we are still, as you’ve said, very lucky in the grand scheme of things and all this will pass in time. Count your blessings and remember you’re not alone.
PS Sorry for epic post - subject is close to my heart as you can probably tell 