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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want them to stay?

235 replies

DumbleDork · 20/08/2019 14:06

Trying to cut a long story short.

I’m 33, DH is 34. We’ve got 2 children aged 11 and 5. This Saturday is our wedding anniversary and we organised a long while ago for my father to have the kids at his house so we can go out for dinner, drinks and generally have the house to ourselves for the weekend. We usually use MIL & FIL for this kind of thing but my dad offered first.

Friday last week I got a message from my MIL to say my DHs brother, his wife and their 2 young kids are down in our home town for the weekend (they live about 5 hours drive each way away from us) and would we like to get together with them (that is MIL, FIL and DHs brother and family). I said yes and that we would probably only meet for a drink or two as we had plans of our own but it’s always good to see them as we don’t get to very much.

Anyway, then this morning MIL text me and said that BIL and family couldn’t book a B&B as the town is full (we live in a seaside resort) so she’d told them we would put them up as the kids are away so their 2 children could have our children’s room and the adults could sleep on an air bed in the living room, which happens to be below our room and not to worry about having to stay home to let them in and out and she will give them our key and they can come and go as they please?!

AIBU to be upset about this? Not to mention the fact they’ve taken over our wedding anniversary weekend, but we can’t have our evening of food, booze and sex we planned as we have 4 people in the house Confused

OP posts:
supersop60 · 21/08/2019 18:09

Hurrah. Happy Anniversary!

FelicisNox · 21/08/2019 18:10

To add: what the heck is going on with this world?

My parents wouldn't DREAM of doing something like this and I wouldn't dream of tolerating it.

No one LIKES confrontation, standing up for yourself is a learnt skill and some of you need to get to learnin because seriously, some of the stuff on here is just ridiculous. We are all way too old to be dictated to like this and those of you with DH who support these mafia style MIL need a huge kick in the nuts.

Grow a backbone.

SweetMarmalade · 21/08/2019 18:12

Glad you’ve sorted it OP!

You should suggest that maybe MIL could have BIL dc & BIL could stay in a hotel with SIL. Grin

Actually suggest that to BIL without telling MIL! I’m sure she wouldn’t mind.

Dra1972 · 21/08/2019 18:15

Who celebrates a wedding anniversary anyway? Cheese. Sickly ugh. Are you teenagers?

Anonmummyoftwo · 21/08/2019 18:16

If you are able to book a hotel forward them tje name of it and say they have rooms and are not booked out. Honestly if you let them stay your mil will forever tell people that they can stay in your house. Also my kids are still young but they wouldnt have a melt down if other kids were in there bedrooms touching there toys. Why if they break something. You need to put your foot down. Nip it in the bud now before it gets out of hand

DeniseRoyal · 21/08/2019 18:24

Ffs, say no and have done with it! MIL is a top cheeky fucker for arranging this without checking with you, and if she kicks off when you say no, be blunt and tell her you will be having sex all weekend, so no, having uninvited guests will not work for you.

SunshineCake · 21/08/2019 19:03

Is Dra1972 thinking they are so cool. Or just a rude person?

Toomuchtrouble4me · 21/08/2019 19:15

Well if they live 5 hours away why not say yes and ask MIl to have kids for the weekend next month and have your booze n sex weekend then? That way you get to have two great weekends - presuming that you like DH’s brother which you seem to?

Benefitofthedoubt · 21/08/2019 19:23

Good grief, how many posters are saying bow to MIL and let her rule your life?!

The woman had a fucking cheek to try and bully you into putting up someone for free and you’re supposed to go along with it?

Weird

Jux · 21/08/2019 20:35

She's going to turn up isn't she? "Just passing, thought I'd pop in and say happy anniv....." ("what are you doing, have you got all your clothes on? Have you just run down from the bedroom? Etc etc etc" all passing through her mind as she tries to peer past you to see if dh is fully clothed too, or peering through the letter box....)

Jux · 21/08/2019 20:37

Sorry. Memories of mil in the early days of my own marriage flicking through my head.......

Benefitofthedoubt · 21/08/2019 21:37

Jux

DH worked away a lot and MIL would not ring on the evening he returned home but early the next morning and announce how she hadn't rung even though she wanted to because we’d be “busy” and she’d say it several times with a weird giggle and then pause and say “you know, because he’s been away” and giggle again and wait... It was as if I was supposed to give her an account of what we’d done the night before (unpack and go to sleep usually).

It made me feel grubby her going on and on about her own son like that.

I’m embarrassed to say it took quite a while for me to realise that if she didn’t know he was away she wouldn’t be able to do it.

Original poster
DumbleDork · 21/08/2019 21:59

jux my MIL used to let herself in unannounced with their key Confused and also FIL used to peer in through the front window.

And then on my hen weekend made jokes about how she used to share a wall with us so knew we would be ok once married Hmm

OP posts:
Windydaysuponus · 21/08/2019 22:15

When we lived in an upstairs flat we had a huge heavy duty baby gate at the top of the stairs.
Worked a bloody treat at keeping ils out!! Sil was too large to climb over and ils never got the hang of opening it! Quick chat at the gate and off they went!! They lived 3 streets away and I visited pre planned times only.
Once your dc are crawling, get a gate at the door... Gives you the chance to open it or declare you are busy and they should have rung first..
Just an idea!

Butterymuffin · 21/08/2019 22:20

Bolt the door while you're in the house this weekend, to stop any attempts to just walk in..

Original poster
DumbleDork · 21/08/2019 22:35

butterymuffin I'll use the bolt, chain and burglar alarm Grin

OP posts:
Ilfie · 21/08/2019 22:41

Think this is BIL and SIL problem about where they’re going to stay and none of your MIL’s business! Especially booking them in with you without previous consultation! YANBU to say no! Sorry we’ve got other things happening !

Benefitofthedoubt · 21/08/2019 22:50

Ilfie MIL still sorts out SIL’s comings and goings and she’s nearly 50. Sil I mean, not MIL who is 70.

Some people are just immature I guess.

manicmij · 21/08/2019 23:13

Not on really, BIL should have thought about accommodation before making plans for a visit.

AnneKipanki · 22/08/2019 07:47

Now @DumbleDork you do not have to go into detail about your plans for the anniversary weekendWink

Teaandcake1000 · 22/08/2019 09:46

No. Tell her you have specifically shipped out your kids for the weekend because you plan to have a 2 day shagfest all over the house, so BIL and SIL are on this occasion not welcome to stay over.

Smile do this

Your MIL is being the cheekiest of CFs

Inappropriatefemale · 22/08/2019 10:23

Can’t you speak to the family that are meant to be staying with you and explain that your MIL hadn’t checked with you first and that it’s not possible? I think this is the best solution, let your family sort out a place for themselves, it’s not your problem.

Inappropriatefemale · 22/08/2019 10:24

Your PILs sound like Marie and Frank Barone from Everybody Loves Raymond!!Grin

diddl · 22/08/2019 10:40

"Can’t you speak to the family that are meant to be staying with you and explain that your MIL hadn’t checked with you first and that it’s not possible? "

Op did that on Tues!

Inappropriatefemale · 22/08/2019 10:43

Oh sorry OP! I admit I didn’t read all the thread, I read your posts on page one and thought I would read the last ones to see if my post would coincide with what you had written, I guess I really should read it all!