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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want them to stay?

235 replies

DumbleDork · 20/08/2019 14:06

Trying to cut a long story short.

I’m 33, DH is 34. We’ve got 2 children aged 11 and 5. This Saturday is our wedding anniversary and we organised a long while ago for my father to have the kids at his house so we can go out for dinner, drinks and generally have the house to ourselves for the weekend. We usually use MIL & FIL for this kind of thing but my dad offered first.

Friday last week I got a message from my MIL to say my DHs brother, his wife and their 2 young kids are down in our home town for the weekend (they live about 5 hours drive each way away from us) and would we like to get together with them (that is MIL, FIL and DHs brother and family). I said yes and that we would probably only meet for a drink or two as we had plans of our own but it’s always good to see them as we don’t get to very much.

Anyway, then this morning MIL text me and said that BIL and family couldn’t book a B&B as the town is full (we live in a seaside resort) so she’d told them we would put them up as the kids are away so their 2 children could have our children’s room and the adults could sleep on an air bed in the living room, which happens to be below our room and not to worry about having to stay home to let them in and out and she will give them our key and they can come and go as they please?!

AIBU to be upset about this? Not to mention the fact they’ve taken over our wedding anniversary weekend, but we can’t have our evening of food, booze and sex we planned as we have 4 people in the house Confused

OP posts:
ZeldaPrincessOfHyrule · 20/08/2019 14:32

Say no. Then say it again if you have to. Don't give her a reason or she'll just solve the problem.
Just.
Say.
No.

KatharinaRosalie · 20/08/2019 14:34

"MIL, the reason we sent our children to my DF is that we wanted to have the house for ourselves. Surely you see that having a house full of guests would defeat the purpose?"

Floralnomad · 20/08/2019 14:35

Just tell her NO , I can’t see what the issue is , why can’t they book a B and B slightly further away

NCpreggo · 20/08/2019 14:40

Your DH should be dealing with his mother and brother, surely...

MaMaMaMySharona · 20/08/2019 14:41

I am quite non confrontational and always worry about upsetting people (even when they're the ones clearly being unreasonable).

I would say something along the lines of "Really sorry but we won't be able to host this weekend - as it's our wedding anniversary we've sent the kids away purposely so that we can have some well deserved time to ourselves. Hope they find somewhere soon!"

Original poster
DumbleDork · 20/08/2019 14:43

I think because they’ve been to stay before over our wedding anniversary they think it’s not a problem. But they used to stay at MILS before they moved to a 1 bed apartment so by default we’ve put guests up before when they can’t. DH is cross too but he can’t ever say no to his parents which is another thread entirely

OP posts:
willowmelangell · 20/08/2019 14:43

Can't dh pick up the phone and tell his mum that it is his wedding anniversary and plans have been made for weeks? Also not to promise his home out to anybody, ever, at all.

Fingers crossed for you OP x

ReanimatedSGB · 20/08/2019 14:43

Is your MIL the sort who will either be disapproving of the idea that you want to have a sexy weekend ('You've got children now, you don't need to be doing that sort of thing') or the sort who will go on and on and on about 'wahay so you'll be swinging from the lightfittings'?
If so I can see why you feel it would be awkward to tell her that famly can't stay, particularly if you have been accepting of it before. It might be best for your H to deal with it, either via MIL or by ringing up his brother and saying 'I know mum told you you could stay but it really doesn't work for us this time.'

colbyandmontysmum · 20/08/2019 14:45

Then it's up to you to say it doesn't work for you. Use MaMaMaMySharona's message. Good luck!

tenredthings · 20/08/2019 14:46

I'd tell that's great because you needed someone to look after DC for the weekend. Play them at their own CF game ! Leave them your Dc and book yourselves a hotel away.

LazyLizzy · 20/08/2019 14:46

If you can't say no then book yourselves a weekend away and leave them to it.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 20/08/2019 14:46

I think because they’ve been to stay before over our wedding anniversary they think it’s not a problem.

Why was it OK last time but not this time? To be honest I'd probably assume the same too.

But you need to tell MIL to stop inviting people to stay in your house without asking you first. Never mind whether you sound like a dick or not. It should also be a conversation your DH has with her. It's totally out of order!

he can’t ever say no to his parents tough, it's time he started. Tell him he's is going to have one massively pissed-off wife otherwise. He needs to grow a pair.

BrightYellowDaffodil · 20/08/2019 14:47

Now I need to find a way of saying no without being a dick

Feel free to be as dickish as you can muster. They've been bloody cheeky so they deserve it.

Nomorepies · 20/08/2019 14:47

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request.

Original poster
DumbleDork · 20/08/2019 14:51

greenfingers they used to stay at MILS house but they’ve recently moved to a 1 bed apartment. We've not actually put anyone up before, she just assumes it’s ok.

I might actually see if I can get us a hotel in a local town and just let them have our house. I don’t like confrontation and she will just make comments like “wahoo dirty weekends” etc

OP posts:
bluebeck · 20/08/2019 14:52

Just say NO.

what is the worst that can happen?

They are upset? Is that better than you being upset? No it bloody isn't!!

Let them stay at MILS if she is that keen.

You have to stand up for yourself OP.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 20/08/2019 14:54

@DumbleDork Ah sorry missed that bit/read it with my eyes closed.

In that case, you just have to put your foot down. 'Sorry but no, it's our wedding anniversary and we've had plans for months'. Is there a Premier Inn down the road? Tell 'em to bugger off there.

NoSquirrels · 20/08/2019 14:54

Now I need to find a way of saying no without being a dick

Well, you’re not being a dick.

MIL is being a dick for inviting people to stay in YOUR HOUSE without even the courtesy of asking.

Get DH to phone his brother and say you sent the kids away so you had the house to yourselves ... for obvious reasons therefore they’d be ruining your weekend if they stay.

Any reasonable person would be mortified and change plans.

Their failure to book in advance isn’t your problem to solve.

I’d generously offer however that if either BIL or MIL wants to pay for a posh hotel room for you and DH to move out to for the weekend, you’d be happy to lend them your place...

Or tell MIL that you’ll move into their one-bedroom for the weekend and enjoy the novelty value of dangerous sex all over their retirement flat ... Grin

diddl · 20/08/2019 14:57

"I might actually see if I can get us a hotel in a local town and just let them have our house."

Why would you do that?

If you can find hotel space-they might as well have it!

Can't your husband phone his brother & tell him no?

NoSquirrels · 20/08/2019 14:58

I might actually see if I can get us a hotel in a local town and just let them have our house. I don’t like confrontation and she will just make comments like “wahoo dirty weekends” etc

See mine above - don’t pay for it yourselves, FFS! If BIL was willing to pay for a b&b then he can pay for your hotel expenses.

And DH - or you if necessary- do need to point out to MIL that she can’t offer your house ever without running the idea past you.

TheFatberg · 20/08/2019 14:59

Don't be so spineless to book your own hotel. Why post on here if you're going to ignore the advice you've been given?

ZeldaPrincessOfHyrule · 20/08/2019 14:59

Hang on, to avoid a confrontation you're now going to try and find a hotel at your own expense? So MIL inviting people over will result in the weekend becoming significantly more expensive for you?

It's way WAY cheaper to say no. And regardless of whether they've stayed over your anniversary before, you can and should say no. You're making this your problem, it's not, it's MIL's for promising someone else's actual house as accommodation without asking first. Don't make her problem yours. You are allowed plans, anniversary or not, and you are allowed to say no to your CF MIL.

PooWillyBumBum · 20/08/2019 15:02

Just say no. Don't book a hotel, or they'll think it's OK in future. Or, if there are hotels in local towns why not send a link and say "We can't host them this weekend unfortunately but I've found a room in XXXXX town only 10 mins away! Here's the link...."

Didntwanttochangemyname · 20/08/2019 15:03

If you want MIL to stop doing this you have to stand up to her.
You can't complain about it and then not do anything about it.
You will lose sympathy very quickly if you aren't prepared to help yourself.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 20/08/2019 15:03

Dont book a hotel somewhere else, that's madness! What kind of person invites people to someone elses house without checking with them first!?

And it's really unfair to your children, you've basically got someone else to look after them so you can entertain their cousins!

Get your husband to call his brother and tell him its not possible

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