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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want them to stay?

235 replies

DumbleDork · 20/08/2019 14:06

Trying to cut a long story short.

I’m 33, DH is 34. We’ve got 2 children aged 11 and 5. This Saturday is our wedding anniversary and we organised a long while ago for my father to have the kids at his house so we can go out for dinner, drinks and generally have the house to ourselves for the weekend. We usually use MIL & FIL for this kind of thing but my dad offered first.

Friday last week I got a message from my MIL to say my DHs brother, his wife and their 2 young kids are down in our home town for the weekend (they live about 5 hours drive each way away from us) and would we like to get together with them (that is MIL, FIL and DHs brother and family). I said yes and that we would probably only meet for a drink or two as we had plans of our own but it’s always good to see them as we don’t get to very much.

Anyway, then this morning MIL text me and said that BIL and family couldn’t book a B&B as the town is full (we live in a seaside resort) so she’d told them we would put them up as the kids are away so their 2 children could have our children’s room and the adults could sleep on an air bed in the living room, which happens to be below our room and not to worry about having to stay home to let them in and out and she will give them our key and they can come and go as they please?!

AIBU to be upset about this? Not to mention the fact they’ve taken over our wedding anniversary weekend, but we can’t have our evening of food, booze and sex we planned as we have 4 people in the house Confused

OP posts:
Cominground · 20/08/2019 21:52

Good on you for textingSIL.

kmammamalto · 20/08/2019 21:57

I'm so confused as you why you are dealing with all this.... Why the hell is she messaging all this to you?!
Whole situation is wierd. Either pull up your girl pants and deal with it, get your wettie of a DH to deal with it or stop moaning.

YouTheCat · 20/08/2019 21:58

Eh? Her and her dh are dealing with it. She's text her sil and he's gone to tackle his mother.

kmammamalto · 20/08/2019 22:04

Sorry! I did not read the full thread! The first few responses about booking a hotel got me all riled up!
Congrats on getting DH on board. Hope it all goes well. A victory against C.F.s everywhere!

Original poster
DumbleDork · 20/08/2019 22:53

SIL replied. She’s sorry and didn’t realise we hadn’t been asked and just assumed it was cleared with me. She didn’t even know my kids were off to their grandads and had told her kids they would see their cousins. She’s said they can either book premier inn in our town or take a look in the next town which is only 20 minutes drive from here and that she’s looking forward to a few drinks with us.

DH on the other hand told his mum that normally we wouldn’t mind putting people up (which is true) just not this weekend and the reason we are the shipping the kids off to my dad is so we can have some desperately needed time together AND that in future to come to him about stuff first and that she shouldn’t have been texting me whilst I was at work. She didn’t see the problem as their wedding anniversary isn’t a big deal to them so she thought we could celebrate another time.

All that said, I do have a lot of work to do regarding DHs living in her pocket and this has made me realise this as she clicks and he goes running and bends over backwards all the time to help her and 99% of the time she comes before me. So I’m pleased he backed me on this as it’s unusual.

Small victory for me but much work to be done.

OP posts:
StroppyWoman · 20/08/2019 22:56

Good for you, and great result, OP

CalmdownJanet · 20/08/2019 23:00

Great result op, now you can have drunken porn star anniversary sex in the comfort of your own home with no guests Wink

NoSquirrels · 20/08/2019 23:26

Great result, OP! Hooray for normal SIL and DH putting his mother straight. Enjoy your weekend!

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 21/08/2019 07:31

Excellent result!
Your MIL is one to watch though, cheeky fucker she is, telling your SIL etc. that you'd be happy to put them up without even asking.
Glad your DH backed you but he needs to understand that this situation should NEVER have occurred and that the reason it did is because his mother doesn't see him as an independent adult, but as an extension of her, and by inference, your home is an extension of her home.

No it fucking isn't.

Now if they all use Whatsapp I strongly agree with whomever suggested setting up a family Whatsapp group and agreeing ALL contact through that, or you'll have all of them turning up on your doorstep for lunch or similar, because MIL will have decided that's the best option and "forgotten" to ask you.

Teaandcrisps · 21/08/2019 07:42

And I would get the keys off her - its giving the wrong message.

AnneKipanki · 21/08/2019 08:06

Congratulations @DumbleDork
Your SIL sounds great.

Fartintheloft · 21/08/2019 09:09

So pleased for you! This made me smile this morning. Have a lovely anniversary!

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 21/08/2019 09:22

Flowers happy anniversary

messolini9 · 21/08/2019 10:03

Congratulations @DumbleDork Flowers

& excellent result from Mr DumbleDork there. Could be a real turning point in the dynamic. Also pleased (& wow, so unsuprised!) re SiL:
SIL replied. She’s sorry and didn’t realise we hadn’t been asked and just assumed it was cleared with me. She didn’t even know my kids were off to their grandads and had told her kids they would see their cousins

Another arrow in your quiver here, I think OP - in terms of support & understanding, going forward. At least you'll be able to share a discreet eye-roll in the teeth of CF'ery, each knowing full well not to trust assumptions or obey instructions to jump into each other's pockets without ... checking with each other first. xx

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 21/08/2019 10:34

Excellent result. Enjoy your weekend and happy anniversary! Flowers

WhatchaMaCalllit · 21/08/2019 13:08

That's a great result for you @DumbleDork. Beware of flying monkeys now with MiL in relation to her possibly offering to look after your kids (instead of your Dad) so that SiL's kids can see their cousins.

It might come up so best to be prepared!

Durgasarrow · 21/08/2019 13:21

Be a dick. It's okay.

Original poster
DumbleDork · 21/08/2019 14:48

whatchaMaCallit that thought had come into my head actually. Luckily my dads picking them up from holiday club Friday afternoon whilst I’m at work and MIL is still at work so that’s not an option

OP posts:
Benefitofthedoubt · 21/08/2019 15:56

Bloody interfering family members 🙄.

Messed up my marriage with MIL interfering, offering our place as a free hotel to all and sundry and DH not having the balls to say anything for years.

nuxe1984 · 21/08/2019 17:41

Basically tell MIL that you're planning an adult only weekend to celebrate your anniversary so it's not appropriate to have visitors.

3dogs2cats · 21/08/2019 17:50

What Heymonkey said

BlueJava · 21/08/2019 17:54

So why not just reply - "Sorry can't do that, we've made arrangements for the weekend. Happy to drop in for a drink but can't put everyone up" End of problem. Alternatively, move out to a hotel and they can't even come and fine you.

BlueJava · 21/08/2019 17:54

Find you. Hopefully your family don't fine you! :)

Harls1969 · 21/08/2019 17:56

She's being a dick by offering your house up as a hotel! Tell her that you're very sorry but she'll have to put them up! Cheeky mare!

FelicisNox · 21/08/2019 18:06

I mean this is the nicest possible way but why are you asking US??

If you don't want to do it, don't do it.

As so is often said, no is a complete sentence and to quell any complaint from MIL say: not only is this not ok but I'm actually REALLY upset you offered OUR house out without even asking us. It's our wedding anniversary, we have plans and no children... do I really need to spell out to you what that means?

Stand up for yourself of this will happen again and again. Do you want that?