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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want them to stay?

235 replies

DumbleDork · 20/08/2019 14:06

Trying to cut a long story short.

I’m 33, DH is 34. We’ve got 2 children aged 11 and 5. This Saturday is our wedding anniversary and we organised a long while ago for my father to have the kids at his house so we can go out for dinner, drinks and generally have the house to ourselves for the weekend. We usually use MIL & FIL for this kind of thing but my dad offered first.

Friday last week I got a message from my MIL to say my DHs brother, his wife and their 2 young kids are down in our home town for the weekend (they live about 5 hours drive each way away from us) and would we like to get together with them (that is MIL, FIL and DHs brother and family). I said yes and that we would probably only meet for a drink or two as we had plans of our own but it’s always good to see them as we don’t get to very much.

Anyway, then this morning MIL text me and said that BIL and family couldn’t book a B&B as the town is full (we live in a seaside resort) so she’d told them we would put them up as the kids are away so their 2 children could have our children’s room and the adults could sleep on an air bed in the living room, which happens to be below our room and not to worry about having to stay home to let them in and out and she will give them our key and they can come and go as they please?!

AIBU to be upset about this? Not to mention the fact they’ve taken over our wedding anniversary weekend, but we can’t have our evening of food, booze and sex we planned as we have 4 people in the house Confused

OP posts:
Azeema · 20/08/2019 15:59

He he MIL would be egg on face trying to ruin anniversary but you turn it into weekend getaway paid for by BIL.

dustarr73 · 20/08/2019 16:00

Well if you are just going to let them stay.Get Mil and Fil to stay in your house.And you go to their flat.

Tonnerre · 20/08/2019 16:01

I might actually see if I can get us a hotel in a local town and just let them have our house. I don’t like confrontation and she will just make comments like “wahoo dirty weekends” etc

Don't be daft. If you can find a hotel room for yourself, you can find one for BIL. If you disappear to a hotel you're much more likely to get "dirty weekend" comments.

Just say it doesn't work for you, and when she asks why, tell her it's not up for discussion.

Drum2018 · 20/08/2019 16:05

I'd be telling Dh that he is to sort this and there is no way in hell his family are staying with ye given your plans. You'll end up changing bloody bed sheets, washing them afterwards, washing towels, cleaning up after them etc while you should be looking forward to a child free weekend full of romance and sex. Point that out to Dh and tell him if he doesn't step up this once and tell his mother they cannot stay, he will be the one cleaning the house, changing the beds etc and missing out on sex for the foreseeable future.

INeedAFlerken · 20/08/2019 16:06

FFS, just say No. You already have plans, you've made childcare arrangements, so, No. That Doesn't work for you. End of.

And funny that your family waits until the bitter end to (pretend to) try to book the 3 day bank holiday weekend in a seaside resort town and how convenient that they can force you to open your doors to put them up. For free.

FFS, say No.

Of if your DH absolutely cannot stand up to mummy and daddy, I'd tell him marriage counselling is mandatory to discuss his failure to cut the tie AND he then must arrange a swap for the weekend. His parents can stay at yours with your BIL/SIL family and you two will have the flat to yourselves.

saraclara · 20/08/2019 16:06

Sorry but no, it's our wedding anniversary and we've had plans for months

Just that. Short and sweet. And don't get caught up in any discussion about it.

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 20/08/2019 16:07

My sister in law is much more approachable to I’ll go with that tactic to be honest and tell her the kids are away because it’s our anniversary.

If her response is anything other than "oh god, is it? I'm sorry, we didn't realise. Of course we'll find somewhere else, don't give it another thought!" she's the cheekiest of fuckers and every bit as bad as you're MIL. In which case you shouldn't give a fig about offending her. Giving her the benefit of the doubt though, your MIL may have given her the impression that you offered to put them up. At the very least MIL will have given them the impression that you were consulted about it I imagine.

Azeema · 20/08/2019 16:10

@Tonnerre
Don't be daft. If you can find a hotel room for yourself, you can find one for BIL.

It easier to find hotel room for two than family of four. Too, if BIL was going to pay for B&B, he can pay for their hotel in return for having whole house.

carly2803 · 20/08/2019 16:10

say no? its not hard.

Drum2018 · 20/08/2019 16:12

(Not bloody in the actual blood sense 😳)

Azeema · 20/08/2019 16:15

MIL want drama, want shouting, want to paint you unreasonable woman. I say, outsmart MIL. Call SIL and BIL and tell them, price of hotel room you can have house. Tell them your anniversary. They probably know MIL and her ways.

Sunglower · 20/08/2019 16:17

Saying no doesn't make you sound like a dick. Letting her get away with this crap does though.

This.

I did it for years. The PILs would turn up uninvited with guests. I think MIL thought I wouldn’t object in front of strangers. She was right 🙁.

We didn’t have a big house, it was a two bedroomed flat. We had to go out and buy a blow up mattress for the hall once because she brought someone who couldn’t sleep on the sofas with them and out spare room had been turned into an office.

That was the last straw. DH finally told them to stay in hotels. I (not DH) got so much shit about that that I cut them off a couple of years later. My mental health is a lot better now.

Original poster
DumbleDork · 20/08/2019 16:21

sunglower mines not quite as bad as that but you get where I’m coming from.

I do want to be strong against this, honestly I do. I hadn’t even thought about the “free bank holiday weekend away” thing until pointed out by another poster.

I’ll text my sil later. I do have a sneaky feeling that mil may have said it will be fine to them and expect us to roll over and say ok

OP posts:
SchadenfreudePersonified · 20/08/2019 16:32

There is no problem here. You simply reply "Sorry that is not convenient for us this weekend. The reason the kids are away is because we want the weekend to ourselves. Please don't tell people they can stay at our house without asking us in future."

THIS ^

Except I would add "Any more of this outrageous wankery and you can FOTTFSOF and never darken our door again."

I think this is one of the cheekiest bits of fuckery in the history of cheekyfuckery. It is, as Blackadder might have said, like a Baboon which is appointed Professor of CheekyFuckery at the Department of CheekyFuckery at CheekyFuckery University.

How DARE she!?

SchadenfreudePersonified · 20/08/2019 16:34

MIL want drama, want shouting, want to paint you unreasonable woman. I say, outsmart MIL. Call SIL and BIL and tell them, price of hotel room you can have house. Tell them your anniversary. They probably know MIL and her ways.

I rather like Azeema's suggestion. They pay for a luxury weekend for you, they can borrow the house (you'll want a security deposit to cover any cleaning costs etc . . . just in case)

Apolloanddaphne · 20/08/2019 16:35

I am sure your SIL will understand once you explain things to her. Stop letting your MIL run your life.

QuickThinkOfAName · 20/08/2019 16:35

It's all very well to text sil but you also need to nip this in the bud with mil or she'll keep doing this.

Not entirely sure where dh is in all this mess either.

Jesus. Whatever you do don't let them come. I see you've already set the precedent. It'll be harder to undo but at least start now.

CallmeAngelina · 20/08/2019 16:38

Surely, if they can't find a hotel room anywhere as it's Bank Holiday, then the same will apply to you?

katewhinesalot · 20/08/2019 16:38

This would so not be a problem for me to say no.
"Mil we've organised for the kids to be away so that we can have a special wedding anniversary weekend. If we have xx to stay then it's a bit pointless so no, not this weekend."

messolini9 · 20/08/2019 16:40

And regardless of whether they've stayed over your anniversary before, you can and should say no

Quite - the consent issue. Which MiL clearly isnlt considering at all, as she's loaned out your house without even asking your permission first.

Frankly, it's rather reminding me of this -

Use Your Words, OP! Say NO. Mean it.
"MiL, as I've already told you, we've arranged to have the kids stay with folks because WE ARE HAVING THIS ANNIVERSARY WEEKEND TO OURSELVES.
We'll arrange another weekend with you after that.
And when we do - please remember to check with us first before offering to other people, because we don't want you to raise any expectations we can't meet."

Chloemol · 20/08/2019 16:40

Just say sorry can’t do, they will have to stay with you

PotteryLady · 20/08/2019 16:42

Just say sorry this weekend is not possible but we will be happy to have you next week.

AlwaysCheddar · 20/08/2019 16:44

Just say you’ve got friends staying. Very simple!!

Original poster
DumbleDork · 20/08/2019 16:45

messolini I’ve never seen that video before but it’s brilliant. I’m going to get my 11 year old DS to watch it. And when she’s big enough my DD too!

OP posts:
MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 20/08/2019 16:47

I think going to your SIL directly is a good idea. Apart from anything else, it'll be interesting to know exactly what MIL has told them. Once you've dealt with the immediate problem of BIL, SIL and their DC threatening to gatecrash your anniversary then you can discuss with DH a longer term strategy for dealing with MIL's cheeky fuckery. But the important thing right now is to make sure that your precious child free weekend isn't ruined and speaking to/texting SIL seems to be the best way to achieve this, rather than going to MIL first and it all becomes about her being offended!

But ultimately your DH will have to have words with MIL and explain that it's not on for her to invite people to stay in your house without asking you. Just get your anniversary weekend sorted first.