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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want them to stay?

235 replies

DumbleDork · 20/08/2019 14:06

Trying to cut a long story short.

I’m 33, DH is 34. We’ve got 2 children aged 11 and 5. This Saturday is our wedding anniversary and we organised a long while ago for my father to have the kids at his house so we can go out for dinner, drinks and generally have the house to ourselves for the weekend. We usually use MIL & FIL for this kind of thing but my dad offered first.

Friday last week I got a message from my MIL to say my DHs brother, his wife and their 2 young kids are down in our home town for the weekend (they live about 5 hours drive each way away from us) and would we like to get together with them (that is MIL, FIL and DHs brother and family). I said yes and that we would probably only meet for a drink or two as we had plans of our own but it’s always good to see them as we don’t get to very much.

Anyway, then this morning MIL text me and said that BIL and family couldn’t book a B&B as the town is full (we live in a seaside resort) so she’d told them we would put them up as the kids are away so their 2 children could have our children’s room and the adults could sleep on an air bed in the living room, which happens to be below our room and not to worry about having to stay home to let them in and out and she will give them our key and they can come and go as they please?!

AIBU to be upset about this? Not to mention the fact they’ve taken over our wedding anniversary weekend, but we can’t have our evening of food, booze and sex we planned as we have 4 people in the house Confused

OP posts:
TipseyTorvey · 20/08/2019 18:37

@ThumbWitchesAbroad that is absolutely fascinating! I've never been on an assertiveness training course as I have never had a problem saying no. I suspect like you I'm more likely to need 'don't be so blunt' classes but maybe I just don't understand why all these people spend their lives agreeing to things that massively piss them off. You've given me food for thought though!

bridgetreilly · 20/08/2019 18:44

you’ve hit the nail on the head, they helped with our first deposit when we were in our late teens. Even though we’ve long paid them back it still comes up that they helped us in that way

Yes, but did they offer to help you, or did you hack into their bank account, take the money, and then blithely tell them that you'd arranged it all? It's one thing for her to ask for a favour, it's a totally different thing to presume on it without asking.

stucknoue · 20/08/2019 18:45

Can you not rearrange your night without the kids for another weekend, they are coming a long way

RealMermaid · 20/08/2019 18:47

"Dear MIL,
Of course we will be delighted for Bob and Janet to stay that weekend. It will be wonderful to have two more participants in the orgy we had planned for our anniversary, as we recently had a couple drop out last minute. Thanks so much for sorting this."

Alternatively, just flipping say no!

bridgetreilly · 20/08/2019 18:49

Can you not rearrange your night without the kids for another weekend, they are coming a long way

Oh, FFS. If they are coming a long way they should have organised their own accommodation in advance, shouldn't they?

SolsticeBabyMaybe · 20/08/2019 18:56

'no, we can't this weekend, sorry.'

FilthyforFirth · 20/08/2019 19:02

I honestly never come across people like this in real life. For the love of god just say no, it is your sodding house. How is this a thing?!

GatoFofo · 20/08/2019 19:02

Set up a family whatsapp including ILs, DH, BIL and SIL and say
“Really looking forward to meeting you (BIL & SIL) for drinks on Saturday! Sorry for any misunderstanding but (MIL) didn’t check in her excitement and actually we have anniversary plans so won’t be able to host you this time. There is a Premier Inn in (place) with family rooms available, that will be probably be much more fun for the children anyway!”

JustHereWithPopcorn · 20/08/2019 19:11

I really don't understand why people just can't say 'no' we have plans that weekend won't work for us

LucyAutumn · 20/08/2019 19:27

I would just explain to her like you have here in your original post and suggest an alternate weekend for you to host.

OR

Could they ALL stay at the house including your PIL and you stay at your PIL?

Sunglower · 20/08/2019 19:34

FilthyforFirth

With me it was threats. Some people scare others into doing what they want.

Sagradafamiliar · 20/08/2019 19:36

It's the easiest 'no' I could ever imagine. In a 'not a fucking chance, no way, never, I can hardly stop myself from laughing at the audacious ridiculousness of you' way. Clearly MIL has fucked up but it's not your problem.

Di11y · 20/08/2019 19:44

if they can't find b&b for 4 then they'll happily pay for you to go in one surely!!

Applejack5 · 20/08/2019 19:56

How rude offering your home to them for the weekend, without even consulting you!!

I'd have just said no, it's not convenient, and don't be so bloody rude and presumptuous in future!

messolini9 · 20/08/2019 19:56

Can you not rearrange your night without the kids for another weekend, they are coming a long way

OP, I really, really hope that the likelihood of you doing this ^^
is as remote as constructing a time machine to fly back & change your wedding date to make sure your anniversay weekend no longer clashes with MiL's imposition plans.

PooWillyBumBum · 20/08/2019 20:00

“Sorry, as you know it’s our anniversary and I promised your son bum sex in Every. Single. Room. Unless SIL and BIL want to see us going at it then I suggest they get a hotel in the next town”

greenwaterbottle · 20/08/2019 20:08

Think about how you'd expect your children to accept being treated by their in laws.

Sorry, no can do, we've got rid of the children so we can be alone this weekend.

Just text mil and sil together and get it done.

Be polite but clear.

MyCatHatesEverybody · 20/08/2019 20:13

greenwaterbottle makes a very good point - how will your children feel when they find out their aunt, uncle and cousins have been to stay without them and you've sent them away?

Letstalkabout6 · 20/08/2019 20:34

Surely they all know it’s your anniversary? Why would they be inviting themselves over?

Original poster
DumbleDork · 20/08/2019 20:41

The message to SIL has been sent but no response yet. Me speaking to DH was the first he’d heard of it and said “but we’ve got plans?!” and went out to his mums about an hour ago and hasn’t come back Hmm

OP posts:
greenwaterbottle · 20/08/2019 20:47

Fingers crossed

NoSquirrels · 20/08/2019 20:53

Me speaking to DH was the first he’d heard of it and said “but we’ve got plans?!” and went out to his mums about an hour ago and hasn’t come back

Let’s hope this is the beginning of standing up for himself and not a cave-in waiting to happen...

messolini9 · 20/08/2019 21:19

... and went out to his mums about an hour ago and hasn’t come back Hmm

Grin Grin

Sinister!
Maybe he's having to argue his case in triplicate, is lost in a morass of 3rd-party-CF-ery, must justify solely occupying his own house with his own wife without the "Letting Agent's" express permission, & is saving your shagfest weekend plans from infiltration ...

If so, he is a Mighty Hero indeed, & I hope you get him all to yourself on the anniversary, to shag senseless in every room of your blissfully family-free house.

INeedAFlerken · 20/08/2019 21:29

I imagine mum is putting on the pressure!

Hope he holds firm. It's long pas time for him to do so.

JammyGem · 20/08/2019 21:46

Fingers crossed he's putting MIL in her place so she doesn't do this again.

How awkward for your SIL as well though - I bet they're annoyed at your MIL for putting you in this position too.