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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want them to stay?

235 replies

DumbleDork · 20/08/2019 14:06

Trying to cut a long story short.

I’m 33, DH is 34. We’ve got 2 children aged 11 and 5. This Saturday is our wedding anniversary and we organised a long while ago for my father to have the kids at his house so we can go out for dinner, drinks and generally have the house to ourselves for the weekend. We usually use MIL & FIL for this kind of thing but my dad offered first.

Friday last week I got a message from my MIL to say my DHs brother, his wife and their 2 young kids are down in our home town for the weekend (they live about 5 hours drive each way away from us) and would we like to get together with them (that is MIL, FIL and DHs brother and family). I said yes and that we would probably only meet for a drink or two as we had plans of our own but it’s always good to see them as we don’t get to very much.

Anyway, then this morning MIL text me and said that BIL and family couldn’t book a B&B as the town is full (we live in a seaside resort) so she’d told them we would put them up as the kids are away so their 2 children could have our children’s room and the adults could sleep on an air bed in the living room, which happens to be below our room and not to worry about having to stay home to let them in and out and she will give them our key and they can come and go as they please?!

AIBU to be upset about this? Not to mention the fact they’ve taken over our wedding anniversary weekend, but we can’t have our evening of food, booze and sex we planned as we have 4 people in the house Confused

OP posts:
HeffaLump1 · 20/08/2019 15:04

Was just going to say what @theFatberg said
You would rather have the time and expense of booking a hotel than say 4 words "we can't accommodate you". And your dh really needs to start putting you first not his parents feelings

joystir59 · 20/08/2019 15:06

Go away for the weekend. It will be more special anyway than just staying at home. Win-win.

Pemba · 20/08/2019 15:06

You need to get the key back from MIL ASAP, or change the locks. Such cheek! And just state calmly that she can't just invite other people to stay in your house without consulting you. Can't your DH explain to his brother?

seven201 · 20/08/2019 15:07

It's not being a dick to just say no to this Cf request.

"Sorry, no they can't stay here that weekend. It's our anniversary weekend and we've been looking forward to having the house to ourselves. Have they tried air bnb?"

ElleDubloo · 20/08/2019 15:08

If you say, “Really sorry MIL, but the reason the kids are away is because it’s our wedding anniversary and we wanted to celebrate just the two of us. We’ve made plans already and we’d like to have the house to ourselves.” - I don’t think you would come across as a dick at all. Any reasonable person would understand that.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 20/08/2019 15:09

What kind of cheeky fuckers decide they're coming somewhere 5 hours drive away WITHOUT making fucking arrangements for somewhere to stay?

They were EXPECTING you to have to put them up. They should have bloody well made proper preparations for somewhere to stay BEFORE deciding to come.

Fuckit, why should YOU have to move out of your own home for your anniversary weekend because they're feckless losers who couldn't arrange a piss up in a brewery - and your MIL can do one for offering YOUR house up because they've moved to a smaller one and can't put them up herself.

You need to say No and say it firmly. It's NOT your problem, it's THEIRS and if they have issues affording it then again, that is NOT your problem and your MIL may have to help out with costs.

Christ this sort of thing pisses me off!

KatharinaRosalie · 20/08/2019 15:09

I might actually see if I can get us a hotel in a local town

WHY on earth?? If you can get a hotel in a local town then so can they!

dreamingofsun · 20/08/2019 15:09

cant they visit another weekend when the B&Bs arent so full? its only a few weeks till the schools go back and they will be much cheaper then too probably

Summerunderway · 20/08/2019 15:11

Send them all link to air B&B..
Yabu to be such a bloody doormat...

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 20/08/2019 15:12

Actually, yes if your DH can't stand up to his mother, he needs to call his DB and explain the situation. Surely he can do that?

fruitbrewhaha · 20/08/2019 15:12

"ah that would have been nice but we can't do it that weekend. I've not shipped my kids off to then spend the weekend with someone elses kids in the house, what would be the point of that?'

Just tell them you can't, and won't. You are not being a dick, they are.

AryaStarkWolf · 20/08/2019 15:13

Don't be an idiot, tell your MIL no and please in the future not to offer your house to people without asking first, cheeky fucker

RhiWrites · 20/08/2019 15:13

If you don’t say no now it will be that much harder next time and the time after that and after that. You should have said no before. Woman up and say it now.

Sweetpea55 · 20/08/2019 15:14

If YOU can book a hotel then why cant they?

You and your DH sound a right pair of ninnys, Dont let your MIL organise your weekend the CF.!

Im wondering why you racked up here with the problem, when youv already decided that you will bow down to the visitors,,Just for a moan maybe,,?

QuickThinkOfAName · 20/08/2019 15:15

Op - aibu my in laws have told people they can stay at our house?

Everyone - yanbu! That's crazy. Get your key back. Tell them no in no uncertain terms

Op - oh I'll let them have our house and book us into a hotel instead.

oh I see why this is happening now...

diddl · 20/08/2019 15:16

"You and your DH sound a right pair of ninnys"

GrinGrinGrin

DarlingNikita · 20/08/2019 15:16

Now I need to find a way of saying no without being a dick

You really don't. SHE is being a dick.

First, obviously, your DH needs to fucking grow up.

But until/unless that happens, you have to just say no, they can't stay, you're having your weekend. Do not think about booking yourselves a hotel. Do not use the word 'sorry' when you rip her a new one reply to her.

Who the ACTUAL FUCK invites people to stay at someone else's house? Confused You need to sort this shit out.

Chunkers · 20/08/2019 15:17

No, sorry MIL, that’s not going to work for us this weekend as we already have plans (no additional info required). Leave it at that and don’t engage in the whys and why nots.

Have you replied?

Nothingcomesforfree · 20/08/2019 15:17

Attack is the best form of defence. Surprise her and go ballistic- tell her you let her get away with bit once to be polite but it is absolutely not acceptable to offer your house out with out consulting you. Do not let her get a word in edgeways.

Hopefully if you put enough into it , she will be so shell shocked she won’t try and make the arrangement work. It’s much easier to throw one massive wobbler if you are normally calm and passive.

Magenta82 · 20/08/2019 15:18

Attack is the best form of defence. Surprise her and go ballistic- tell her you let her get away with bit once to be polite but it is absolutely not acceptable to offer your house out with out consulting you. Do not let her get a word in edgeways.

This!
She is a CF and needs to know this is not acceptable

KurriKurri · 20/08/2019 15:18

Why is your MIl involve in any of this ?
Surely if he wants to stay your BIL phones you and asks, and you say 'no not convenient this weekend'
Get your DH to phone his DB, say it is not suitable as it is your anniversary, and that there are hotel rooms available in local town.
Then tell your MIL to stop arranging ohter peoples lives for them and mind her own.

Dailyjunglegrind · 20/08/2019 15:19

Simply say no, because it’s our anniversary.. plans sorted.. end of...

StroppyWoman · 20/08/2019 15:19

Had they not thought for a moment that arranging for the kids to be away was for a REASON?

I appreciate it feels awkward, but seriously, say NO. Ring your BIL/SIL, explain you’d arranged for a weekend to yourselves so OBVIOUSLY they would be hugely in the way. They have kids, they’ll understand

Yabbers · 20/08/2019 15:19

Trouble is we’ve had this before and I’ve just let her get away with it.

YABU to complain about something you refuse to do anything about. Act like a doormat, you’ll be treated like a doormat. You can’t expect people to do things differently if you just let them get away with it.

Call the in-laws, tell them they can’t stay, then call MIL and tell her she doesn’t get to invite people to stay at your house.

Shoxfordian · 20/08/2019 15:19

You'd book a hotel rather than say no? Wow.

If you book a hotel then book one somewhere nice that you want to go, not somewhere local. Ideally learn how to say no to the mil and the bil though.

Send a text

Sorry, it's not convenient for them to stay with us

No need to explain why not or elaborate. Just repeat if questioned. Not convenient.