Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask MIL to stay out of my dirty washing basket?

153 replies

Wetwashing00 · 20/08/2019 10:15

Housework is not part of my requirements when MIL babysits.

But she separated my darks and put a wash on.
Whilst it’s very lovely to do that for me it’s quite personal isn’t it?
I don’t want her going through my crusty work socks or period stained pants (they were all in there)

My DH said she’s just trying to be helpful, which I understand.
But I don’t want her to do it. She’s quite touchy and takes offence really quickly so I’m thinking of just hiding the basket next time.

OP posts:
Northernparent68 · 20/08/2019 10:26

Could you say something like, we want you to enjoy the children not do housework.

Aprillygirl · 20/08/2019 10:27

Just hide the crusty bits and let her crack on.

Florencenotflo · 20/08/2019 10:28

My MiL does the same. I hide anything now I don't want her washing. Not ideal but in her own words she wants to feel useful and help out.

Summerunderway · 20/08/2019 10:29

Leave some of dh's pants in there. On the top...

Piffle11 · 20/08/2019 10:38

I wouldn't be happy with that: massive invasion of privacy! Yes, I know it's dirty laundry, but … well, what you said! I suppose you need to be sure why she's doing it, and if it's coming from a kind place, then as someone else said: hide the stuff you don't want her seeing, and let her crack on. My DM would do housework stuff when supposedly here to see the DC, but I always felt it was done to show me how hard she'd worked on my behalf … 'I've done your windows. Nearly killed myself, but I wanted you to have clean windows. I emptied the bin, too: gave myself a hernia, but at least it's saved you a job.' OK so that's a slight exaggeration, but it's along those lines!

Yeahnahmum · 20/08/2019 10:45

Here is a tip; tell her!Grin
I would be mortified if my mil did this

LadyRannaldini · 20/08/2019 10:48

I wouldn't touch someone else's dirty clothes with a barge pole, don't much like my own. If I'm baby-sitting I will sometimes say Shall I do a bit of ironing?, only too glad to be told No, don't bother, and I actually enjoy ironing.

Goawayquickly · 20/08/2019 10:53

It is an invasion of privacy, why does her touchiness trump your desire for leaving the washing. (Not you just generally why do we put up with things we hate for fear of hurting feelings)

Just hide this basket is probably easiest.

Disfordarkchocolate · 20/08/2019 10:58

If she likes being helpful can you suggest something she can do if she gets bored? Does she make amazing scones, lovely cakes. I don't like my husband seeing my very worn-out period pants so I'd be mortified if my MIL saw them.

Disfordarkchocolate · 20/08/2019 10:58

Or, put the washing on when you leave?

Laura221 · 20/08/2019 10:59

Massive step too far. I would hate this. I would ask my dh to have a subtle word with her.

Original poster
Wetwashing00 · 20/08/2019 12:54

She has to feel like she’s wanted, useful and helpful.
The babysitting is enough and more than helpful.
I wonder why she chose this chore to do but left my floors completely covered in crumbs and garden dirt from the day she babysat.

I cannot be arsed to hide dirty washing, I needed to find a good hiding place for my basket. Maybe garage?

I can just imagine her going for a hunt so she could put a load in for me. 🙄

OP posts:
CloudPop · 20/08/2019 13:06

Stick a load on before you go out so she can dry and sort it

Shoxfordian · 20/08/2019 13:12

Just ask her not to do it or give her a list of things that would actually be helpful

Raphael34 · 20/08/2019 13:23

My own mother does this. Drives me mad, apart from putting my oh £200 Hugo boss jumper on a 60 degree wash and then in a tumble dryer (had to bin it), it annoys me that she manages to clear an overflowing basket in a single night and then I have to put it all away. I absolutely detest putting washing away so only wash and dry what I can deal with in one day. The last time she was down she left 4 loads of washing folded up and piled on the stairs (used nearly all my electric as she’d used the tumble dryer for 6 hours straight)? I didn’t have time to put them away and 2 days later they’d be kicked down the stairs, all over the hallway and slept on by the dog. They ended up back in the wash basket. I hide the wash basket from her now

Cosyjimjamsforautumn · 20/08/2019 13:30

My dearly not departed MIL used to do this and then huff and puff under her breath about the state of my underwear and then ask in a loud voice whether"would i like her to give me a lift and go and buy new underwear".
She also used to iron socks, knickers and basically anything that moved.
Just. Go. Home. Angry

PanamaPattie · 20/08/2019 13:36

You'll have to tell her to wind her neck in. She knows what she is doing. I'm sure when she had her periods, she wouldn't have been happy for her MIL to wash her period pants.

gamerchick · 20/08/2019 13:38

Put a load on before you leave. On the 3 hour setting.....

HalyardHitch · 20/08/2019 13:39

My mil folded my dry washing for me the other day while with my boys. She asked that evening "what are these?" (Items placed on the top of the washing pile) "those are my reusable sanitary towels MIL" Grin she was more embarrassed than I was

2Rebecca · 20/08/2019 13:41

I wouldn't want someone doing my washing. I'm quite fussy about putting hosiery and silk stuff in a bag so it doesn't get mangled. My husband now knows what goes in the bag and which washing liquid and which temp but I wouldn't want anyone else doing it. Happy for them to hang out washing I've put on but not to put stuff on and I'd tell them that.

Confusedbeetle · 20/08/2019 13:42

Be kind. Explain it embarasses you to have dirty washing handled by anyone else. It does me too. Ask he if she wants to help, a b or c would be great

Babdoc · 20/08/2019 13:45

Have you thought of filling a laundry basket with split crotch knickers, willy warmers, and bondage gear, OP? Might put MIL off for the future?! Grin

Steppenwolverine · 20/08/2019 13:46

My MIL has done this too. I found it massively upsetting. I can't understand why some many MIL's are doing this without being asked and imagining that they are being 'helpful'. It's such an invasion of privacy

Steppenwolverine · 20/08/2019 13:46

Actually, not really upsetting - but annoying

Atlasta · 20/08/2019 13:47

I came home from giving birth to find mil had invaded our home and our washing basket. I wasn't feeling my best and felt completely invaded. Didn't talk to OH for two days and maybe I overreacted but despite a newborn and toddler to look after I washed all the items again. The thought she had been rooting among my dirty clothes made my teeth itch.
Tell her to keep her hands off