To ask MIL to stay out of my dirty washing basket?

[Wetwashing00]

Housework is not part of my requirements when MIL babysits.

But she separated my darks and put a wash on.
Whilst it’s very lovely to do that for me it’s quite personal isn’t it?
I don’t want her going through my crusty work socks or period stained pants (they were all in there)

My DH said she’s just trying to be helpful, which I understand.
But I don’t want her to do it. She’s quite touchy and takes offence really quickly so I’m thinking of just hiding the basket next time.

Probably because when I finish work at 3am I’m too shattered to bother with all this when I’m up again after 4 hours sleep.

I didn't suggest that it should be done straight away. You just have to soak and scrub a bit in cold water before putting in the wash.

@Dungeondragon15
But I wasn’t doing a wash. That’s why they were in the dirty wash basket.

If you want to be helpful, you ask if there's anything that you can do imo.

It's also up to her to take offence or not.

Tbh I rather have no babysitting than put up with her doing what she wants.

My DIL had a baby was in hospital for a time poorly. My DS gladly gave me a load of washing for him, two children and her, amongst it was personal stuff. It meant nothing to me try not to worry. I was just glad to help.

But I wasn’t doing a wash. That’s why they were in the dirty wash basket.

When I say that you don't have soak immediately, I meant if it was in the middle of the night. The sooner you do it the better the result though so I wouldn't leave them in the wash basket. I would soak as soon as I was awake and then do a wash as soon as possible.

Buy the sexiest smallest most translucent knickers you can. Possibly some light bondage outfits. Stick them all in the basket. She'll be too embarassed to do it again

Ya think Shoxford, I have worn those in my time, so would not be shocked

@Dungeondragon15
Finished work at 3am, put pants in wash, MIL arrives at 8am, I leave, she’s does the wash...including stained pants.
Is that enough explanation for you?

YANBU.

It is an invasion of privacy since you didn’t ask her to do it. She could have easily asked if there was anything that she could do in the mean time. It is also telling that she has chosen to do laundry yet didn’t choose to clean up the messes she made playing with her grandchild.

Finished work at 3am, put pants in wash, MIL arrives at 8am, I leave, she’s does the wash...including stained pants.
Is that enough explanation for you?

You said that "all" your pants were there so presumably talking about several pairs so not really. Anyway, as I said, it's not disgusting at all. Just seems a bit weird to me to let them get stained but perhaps that is because I have teenage daughters and we wouldn't have any clothes or bedding left without stains if I just put it in the wash basket and didn't soak as soon as possibe.

Do you not bathe or shower at night? You could give them a quick wash then, doesn't take long at all. Keep some Vanish and washing powder/liquid in bathroom.

There's something unsavoury about putting stained underwear in a laundry basket, it's like you're saving it up.

Ha ha yeah sure, anyone who gets home from work at 3am is absolutely going to have a shower and then whip out the vanish to scrub their pants. Get real!

And why would it even be normal to shower before going to bed?!

I shower every morning, can’t imagine leaving the house unshowered. I still can’t get over the drama over not soaking period pants.

I’ve never soaked or scrubbed my period stained pants. Some are stained as a result, but seriously, who cares? Nobody really sees my pants when I’m on my period so I don’t worry if they have the odd faint stain.

I would be mortified if someone went through my wash basket too.

I definitely do not shower at 3am,
I’m not bothered about the stains.
No one but me sees the inside of my knickers.
If they’re particularly stained they go in the bin.
Dirty washing basket is for dirty washing so why would I not put them in there?

I shower every morning, can’t imagine leaving the house unshowered

@AmateurSwami - well exactly. That’s the norm. But it’s been suggested that people should supposedly shower when they get home from work? Unless they have a very dirty job, why would that be standard?

@Dungeondragon15
I said period pants, could be 1 could be every single pair.
Doesn’t matter what your opinion is on how easy it is to soak your pants.
Generally I don’t do that, although I may pre-treat some.

Thread is about my MIL touching my dirty washing not about wether I soak my pants or not. Although it’s amusing

Also most biological detergent is pretty good at getting dried blood stains out. Maybe not to the level that forensics wouldn’t be able to spot them, but enough to make the pants wearable for your next period . My DS suffers from nosebleeds and I just chuck his sheets in the whites wash, sometimes a couple of days later. Often the stain is 100% gone.

(A million people are now going to pile on to say that they would not use bio detergent as it is evil and made from the tears of orphans, and they would only ever wash clothes with carbolic soap and a mangle...)

I shower every morning, can’t imagine leaving the house @AmateurSwami - well exactly. That’s the norm. But it’s been suggested that people should supposedly shower when they get home from work? Unless they have a very dirty job, why would that be standard?*

Sorry if I was unclear but I was agreeing with you. The lording it over op by saying “don’t you shower at night?” As if that’s gross, when I’d argue that it makes more sense to start the day with a shower.

I just find you that have to be pretty direct otherwise all the defensive comments come out.

She overstepped a boundary whether she knew it was one or not. You have to bluntly tell her that it's private it's not helpful and you don't want her to ever do it again.

You can't start hiding things in your own house. That's a very slippery slope. You should be able to trust that the people you allow unsupervised in your home will be respectful.

Is your MIL a cat, OP ? They're quite fond of laundry baskets, irrespective of contents, as a convenient and portable spot for forty winks.

There's something unsavoury about putting stained underwear in a laundry basket, it's like you're saving it up.

Oh, she is, the nefarious tramp! She's "saving them up" for the feckin' washing machine ffs.

Totally aside and digressing from the point but some people simply cannot use bio anything. The enzymes they use take my skin off. Not literally but hopefully you know what I mean.

Goodness OP! I imagine you didn't imagine this thread carrying on so long. I have nothing meaningful to add about Mothers-in-Law, my first was always drunk as a skunk by 11am and would have fallen into the basket with the washing. The second would not have helped anyone out.

my first was always drunk as a skunk by 11am and would have fallen into the basket with the washing 🤣🤣